Percy Jackson and the Pitiful Attempt At a Movie
This is not a pretty post.
I shall start with the good.
This will be a short list.
Good:
* Sean Bean as Zeus. HAAAAAWWWWT.
* Kevin McKidd as Posiedon. HAAAAAWWWWWWTERRRRRRRRRRRR.
* Seeing Poseidon using his powers was SO awesome. He didn't in the book.
* Grover kicked royal tush. "Burning money and we're in the middle of a recession." Made of win.
* Uma Thurman SERIOUSLY impressed me. Medusa was SO cool looking.
* The Underworld looked AMAZING. The Lotus Casino was really well done.
Bad:
* Sean Bean as Zeus. Erm, apparently Zeus is a pussy. I saw no really good power usage.
* The gods were WAAAAAAAAY too tall...and dressed inappropriately.
.................you know what? Let's just go straight through the movie.
* Bad beginning.
* Who the hell actually WROTE this script?
* Wanted the Fates; I get why they weren't in there.
* I'm sorry, but out of the trio, the best actor was the kid who played Grover. I just didn't feel ANYTHING out of Percy or Annabeth. My main complaint IS Annabeth. She's supposed to be wise and snarkish, and she just...WASN'T. And come ON Logan. Your mother just died. I saw more tears come out of the pages of the BOOK.
* Luke is LAUGHABLE. Nothing evil THERE.
* The only REALLY impressive CGI was Chiron and Grover, but ESPECIALLY Grover...and I doubt that was even CGI.
* I KNOW we can't stick to the book completely, but the WHOLE POINT of Percy's existence is that NO ONE BUT POSEIDON AND SALLY KNEW WHOSE KID HE WAS. Not having the Big Reveal was SO pathetic.
* And THIS is my biggest no-no. Percy should not wear the shoes. GROVER wore the shoes. Grover SHOULD wear the shoes. Because Percy is not okay with flying. He's not technically ALLOWED. The AIR is ZEUS'S realm. OHMYGOD. *headdesk*
* WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE ORACLE??!?!?!?!?!
* WHERE THE FUCK WAS MR. D?!?!?!?!?
* Uhhhhhhhhhh, Nashville? REALLY? O_o
* Thank GOD that "spoiler" I got wasn't actually real. Seeing Percy and Annabeth kiss would've been crossing the line.
* WHERE THE FUCK WAS ARES?!?!?!?!? AND APHRODITE?!?!??!!?
* Uhhhhhhhhhh, no, actually. Luke WASN'T the thief.
Okay, look. As a standalone movie, I get it. I really do. If you haven't read the book, you'll enjoy it more. But I'm more faithful to this fandom than I am to even Harry Potter and for the first time, I'm jumping on the anti-bandwagon.
How freaking disappointing.
And I knew. I KNEW the SECOND I heard Chris Columbus was attached. I KNEW he would ruin my book.
I know I have more complaints and I hope that after a couple of days of mulling on it, I'll be more positive, but right now? I'd just like to go sleep this disappointment off.
I shall start with the good.
This will be a short list.
Good:
* Sean Bean as Zeus. HAAAAAWWWWT.
* Kevin McKidd as Posiedon. HAAAAAWWWWWWTERRRRRRRRRRRR.
* Seeing Poseidon using his powers was SO awesome. He didn't in the book.
* Grover kicked royal tush. "Burning money and we're in the middle of a recession." Made of win.
* Uma Thurman SERIOUSLY impressed me. Medusa was SO cool looking.
* The Underworld looked AMAZING. The Lotus Casino was really well done.
Bad:
* Sean Bean as Zeus. Erm, apparently Zeus is a pussy. I saw no really good power usage.
* The gods were WAAAAAAAAY too tall...and dressed inappropriately.
.................you know what? Let's just go straight through the movie.
* Bad beginning.
* Who the hell actually WROTE this script?
* Wanted the Fates; I get why they weren't in there.
* I'm sorry, but out of the trio, the best actor was the kid who played Grover. I just didn't feel ANYTHING out of Percy or Annabeth. My main complaint IS Annabeth. She's supposed to be wise and snarkish, and she just...WASN'T. And come ON Logan. Your mother just died. I saw more tears come out of the pages of the BOOK.
* Luke is LAUGHABLE. Nothing evil THERE.
* The only REALLY impressive CGI was Chiron and Grover, but ESPECIALLY Grover...and I doubt that was even CGI.
* I KNOW we can't stick to the book completely, but the WHOLE POINT of Percy's existence is that NO ONE BUT POSEIDON AND SALLY KNEW WHOSE KID HE WAS. Not having the Big Reveal was SO pathetic.
* And THIS is my biggest no-no. Percy should not wear the shoes. GROVER wore the shoes. Grover SHOULD wear the shoes. Because Percy is not okay with flying. He's not technically ALLOWED. The AIR is ZEUS'S realm. OHMYGOD. *headdesk*
* WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE ORACLE??!?!?!?!?!
* WHERE THE FUCK WAS MR. D?!?!?!?!?
* Uhhhhhhhhhh, Nashville? REALLY? O_o
* Thank GOD that "spoiler" I got wasn't actually real. Seeing Percy and Annabeth kiss would've been crossing the line.
* WHERE THE FUCK WAS ARES?!?!?!?!? AND APHRODITE?!?!??!!?
* Uhhhhhhhhhh, no, actually. Luke WASN'T the thief.
Okay, look. As a standalone movie, I get it. I really do. If you haven't read the book, you'll enjoy it more. But I'm more faithful to this fandom than I am to even Harry Potter and for the first time, I'm jumping on the anti-bandwagon.
How freaking disappointing.
And I knew. I KNEW the SECOND I heard Chris Columbus was attached. I KNEW he would ruin my book.
I know I have more complaints and I hope that after a couple of days of mulling on it, I'll be more positive, but right now? I'd just like to go sleep this disappointment off.