"Sad" is an overly used word
I'm sad today.
plainly said I've been sad for a while now, i think.
It's more than just one or two things. I'm just so hopeless.
My life raft is starting to go under.
I'm sad because I'm just not happy with my life, with the way things are right now.
It makes me sad when i think that i really don't have very many friends, if you can call what i have friends.
I think it's more like we're just people who hang out at certain times.
I mean I wish we where real friends but it's like I'm just someone from the team.
I'm just there to talk to you know?
And the few "friends" I do have just aren't the same.
I want someone I can talk to about absolutely anything at anytime.
A friend who will always remember what I tell them and who won't hesitate to tell me anything.
Someone who remembers what they've already told me and not have to repeat themselves.
And it's not like i haven't told my old friends about feeling this way but they just tell me that it's because I'm still new and blah blah blah. But it makes me really really sad. to the point where I feel like crying every time I'm alone.
And if that wasn't enough my parents are being really weird.
Dad's being a total jerk to me all the time. he just makes fun and makes fun to the point where yeah sure it was funny the first time but now it's just cruel.
My mother is.... just too much for me. She just doesn't understand but it's like she just doesn't WANT to understand anymore.
Plus I'm really bummed that i suck at writing so much. Well it's not really so much that i suck in general but more like i have the worst writers block in the history of writing. I start this totally awesome story but then i start to drift from it. I let all my stupid little fantasies leak into it and then it's destroyed. Or sometimes i just go crazy and make it so that it becomes too complicated for anyone but me to understand. I just want to be able to write one amazing story. That's all i want. Just one story. I could be 12 pages or 758 pages. It doesn't matter. I just want to be proud to say that i wrote it. From the ideas in my own head.
And then of course the dying blow is that homecoming is coming up and no one is asking me to go with them. No one has asked and no one will ask. It's totally pointless. I really wanted to go too. But I mean i could still go and I might but, It would have been a million times better if I actually had a date for something like that. But how can I expect to get a date for homecoming when i don't even have any guy friends at this school. I mean aside from like people on my CC team and Willy (a senior who was friends with my cousin first.) and maybe Eric (also met him through my cousin) and kind of Carlos (Cousin's Friend's brother). but I mean do they really even count?
God what teenage girl DOESN"T want a boyfriend? Even the ones who already have one do. But it's just so incredibly far from reality for me. Considering that i don't get even a second look from ANY guys at school. Actually no i think it might have happened once. yeah the first time i wore my full look to first period. The guys thought i was some new girl. I really have no idea what to do about it though? I have nothing in common with these guys. I don't even know like the school gossip or anything because even when i do hear something i have no idea who anyone is! All the other girls look so..... slutty. And i just don't play like that. i like wearing High fashion, expensive jeans with $10 poly-blend T-Shirts and a pair of vans or converse. They wear Hollister shorts and tank tops from Abercombie & Fitch with a pair of overly metallic gladiators. Their hair is perfectly flat ironed and make up looks airbrushed. while my hair either goes down, bangs to the side or up some how. I have NO IDEA where they find the time to make themselves look so perfect! I wake up a 5 AM and still look like this for God's sake!
Ahh calm down. No. I wouldn't want to turn into someone like them. I'm happy with who I am. Well at least i was...
I guess it's not so much the need for a boyfriend who is just completely overwhelmingly yummy but more for the fact that it would be someone who would like ME as I AM. Someone who would tell me he wouldn't change a single thing about me...
Plus what girl doesn't love the feeling you get when you all of a sudden become overly aware of your hear beat, and the way your standing, breathing, everything. It's like your senses sharpen aroud that person. and you can feel exactly where his hand was, where his eyes had stared...
yeah...
*sigh*
I'm just so sad.
plainly said I've been sad for a while now, i think.
It's more than just one or two things. I'm just so hopeless.
My life raft is starting to go under.
I'm sad because I'm just not happy with my life, with the way things are right now.
It makes me sad when i think that i really don't have very many friends, if you can call what i have friends.
I think it's more like we're just people who hang out at certain times.
I mean I wish we where real friends but it's like I'm just someone from the team.
I'm just there to talk to you know?
And the few "friends" I do have just aren't the same.
I want someone I can talk to about absolutely anything at anytime.
A friend who will always remember what I tell them and who won't hesitate to tell me anything.
Someone who remembers what they've already told me and not have to repeat themselves.
And it's not like i haven't told my old friends about feeling this way but they just tell me that it's because I'm still new and blah blah blah. But it makes me really really sad. to the point where I feel like crying every time I'm alone.
And if that wasn't enough my parents are being really weird.
Dad's being a total jerk to me all the time. he just makes fun and makes fun to the point where yeah sure it was funny the first time but now it's just cruel.
My mother is.... just too much for me. She just doesn't understand but it's like she just doesn't WANT to understand anymore.
Plus I'm really bummed that i suck at writing so much. Well it's not really so much that i suck in general but more like i have the worst writers block in the history of writing. I start this totally awesome story but then i start to drift from it. I let all my stupid little fantasies leak into it and then it's destroyed. Or sometimes i just go crazy and make it so that it becomes too complicated for anyone but me to understand. I just want to be able to write one amazing story. That's all i want. Just one story. I could be 12 pages or 758 pages. It doesn't matter. I just want to be proud to say that i wrote it. From the ideas in my own head.
And then of course the dying blow is that homecoming is coming up and no one is asking me to go with them. No one has asked and no one will ask. It's totally pointless. I really wanted to go too. But I mean i could still go and I might but, It would have been a million times better if I actually had a date for something like that. But how can I expect to get a date for homecoming when i don't even have any guy friends at this school. I mean aside from like people on my CC team and Willy (a senior who was friends with my cousin first.) and maybe Eric (also met him through my cousin) and kind of Carlos (Cousin's Friend's brother). but I mean do they really even count?
God what teenage girl DOESN"T want a boyfriend? Even the ones who already have one do. But it's just so incredibly far from reality for me. Considering that i don't get even a second look from ANY guys at school. Actually no i think it might have happened once. yeah the first time i wore my full look to first period. The guys thought i was some new girl. I really have no idea what to do about it though? I have nothing in common with these guys. I don't even know like the school gossip or anything because even when i do hear something i have no idea who anyone is! All the other girls look so..... slutty. And i just don't play like that. i like wearing High fashion, expensive jeans with $10 poly-blend T-Shirts and a pair of vans or converse. They wear Hollister shorts and tank tops from Abercombie & Fitch with a pair of overly metallic gladiators. Their hair is perfectly flat ironed and make up looks airbrushed. while my hair either goes down, bangs to the side or up some how. I have NO IDEA where they find the time to make themselves look so perfect! I wake up a 5 AM and still look like this for God's sake!
Ahh calm down. No. I wouldn't want to turn into someone like them. I'm happy with who I am. Well at least i was...
I guess it's not so much the need for a boyfriend who is just completely overwhelmingly yummy but more for the fact that it would be someone who would like ME as I AM. Someone who would tell me he wouldn't change a single thing about me...
Plus what girl doesn't love the feeling you get when you all of a sudden become overly aware of your hear beat, and the way your standing, breathing, everything. It's like your senses sharpen aroud that person. and you can feel exactly where his hand was, where his eyes had stared...
yeah...
*sigh*
I'm just so sad.