Poem
I wrote this back on Aug. 20th 2003...and for some reason I think I need this on record here so I can remember why I hate my ex-boyfriend and why I need to keep him out of my life forever. *sigh* i hate stupid people
As I silently gasp for air
hoping for clean, fresh and maybe even
calming breath-
I shake my head sadly for I understand
that I cannot bring myself to believe
in such illusions of the self
I know that I am drowning-
suffocating within my own hearts' worldly desires-
for the physicality offered within
this realm of reality.
I realize never have i thought this through
these are my sad, lonely words I choose to reveal.
As one part of me reaches for you-
revealing a future of bitter despair,
a future, i shall endure if I allow this
irresponsible part of myself to overcome
my ever-present conscience.
What I must tell you, and what you will not understand
nor choose to believe:
it is as plain as any
bright blue cloudless sky that I shall say to you:
'never shall we be together' and end conversation there.
For it is as infinite and definite as you choose
to believe within, but understand
simply and outwardly 'it could never be'.
I know now, that this world is too harsh
and cruel for the kind-hearted, as I.
I am doomed to suffer within,
while this world dies away.
The suffering I have silently kept within,
and the pain i Feel at present,
shall forever be ignored by all
Even by those who assumed to be closest to me-
were too blinded by themselves to even
have on thought of compassion for I,
As I am the only one in this unforgiving
world who gave everything she could
to those who needed it more than she.
But now, silently I mourn the death
of my kindness and compassion for others.
It was beaten far too many times
for me to recover.
My resources have been selfishly sucked dry,
and my reserves have been raided and stolen.
Everything that I ever gave has been
trampled and spit upon with absolutely
no remorse,
and now I am forced to be someone I am not,
someone I was never built to be,
a person who is too scared to allow 'friends'
within her home,
a person who must fight every second
and inch of her life - Just to survive
the evil surrounding her entire being.
ANd then, when she is asked to reveal
her heart, and everything within her that is
sacred, how could this be a reasonable request?
And for anyone to demand this of her is
nothing less than a fool.
Regretfully, or perhaps not so regretfully, this
poem is of no conclusion,
as the words form upon this page-
my soul cries out to God-
pleading for Divine Intervention
to save my heart and soul
from complete desecration.
As I silently gasp for air
hoping for clean, fresh and maybe even
calming breath-
I shake my head sadly for I understand
that I cannot bring myself to believe
in such illusions of the self
I know that I am drowning-
suffocating within my own hearts' worldly desires-
for the physicality offered within
this realm of reality.
I realize never have i thought this through
these are my sad, lonely words I choose to reveal.
As one part of me reaches for you-
revealing a future of bitter despair,
a future, i shall endure if I allow this
irresponsible part of myself to overcome
my ever-present conscience.
What I must tell you, and what you will not understand
nor choose to believe:
it is as plain as any
bright blue cloudless sky that I shall say to you:
'never shall we be together' and end conversation there.
For it is as infinite and definite as you choose
to believe within, but understand
simply and outwardly 'it could never be'.
I know now, that this world is too harsh
and cruel for the kind-hearted, as I.
I am doomed to suffer within,
while this world dies away.
The suffering I have silently kept within,
and the pain i Feel at present,
shall forever be ignored by all
Even by those who assumed to be closest to me-
were too blinded by themselves to even
have on thought of compassion for I,
As I am the only one in this unforgiving
world who gave everything she could
to those who needed it more than she.
But now, silently I mourn the death
of my kindness and compassion for others.
It was beaten far too many times
for me to recover.
My resources have been selfishly sucked dry,
and my reserves have been raided and stolen.
Everything that I ever gave has been
trampled and spit upon with absolutely
no remorse,
and now I am forced to be someone I am not,
someone I was never built to be,
a person who is too scared to allow 'friends'
within her home,
a person who must fight every second
and inch of her life - Just to survive
the evil surrounding her entire being.
ANd then, when she is asked to reveal
her heart, and everything within her that is
sacred, how could this be a reasonable request?
And for anyone to demand this of her is
nothing less than a fool.
Regretfully, or perhaps not so regretfully, this
poem is of no conclusion,
as the words form upon this page-
my soul cries out to God-
pleading for Divine Intervention
to save my heart and soul
from complete desecration.