Fic: Crave Part 9.
I stay away from him for another two days. I’m watching him, planning my moment, knowin’ I’ll have one chance if I’m lucky and I better not waste it. After a Raw taping I stand outside his dressing room, rolling my shoulders to relax them. I feel like I’m going into the match of my life, maybe I am. If I loose this, I loose him, and that’s everything.
Knowing he won’t let me in if I knock I grab the handle and, praying it isn’t locked, throw open the door. Ignoring his startled hiss I turn and lock the door behind me.
“Get the fuck out Austin, I’m sick of the sight of you.” I see beyond the harsh words now to the intent. Get away from me for your own good.
“Not a chance Darlin’” His surprise at the endearment is obvious, but only for a split second before icy disdain takes him. He turns from me and resumes packing.
“Get out Austin. You bore me.” Yeah, sure I do. That’s why you’re doing your damndest to get me away from you.
“It’s not gonna work Babe. I’m not leaving till I’ve had my say.” I walk over to him, letting my gaze travel down the curve of his spine, so clear through the black shiny shirt. Sensing my proximity my love moves out of range, backing towards the wall next to the door. Ah-hah. He is affected by my closeness. Right now I’ll take any weapon I can get.
“Fine. Whatever. Piss and moan about yourself for the millionth time then Get. The Fuck. Out.” Each word is loaded with icy anger. Water off a duck Darlin’. I take a deep breath.
“All I gotta say is this. You were right. We were a terrible couple and I’m glad you ended it.” I’m watching him closely so I catch the split-second of surprise and pain as it flicks across his face. That more than anything reassures me I’m going in the right direction.
“Good, now Fu...”
I interrupt. “Not finished so shut up.” I glare hotly into his frozen eyes and see the despair hidden beneath the surface. I can’t believe I couldn’t see it before.
“I mean really, why the fuck should I waste my time with you? Huh?” His head snaps up at this like I just hit him. Mentally stomping on the regret that rises in me I continue on. “I gotta give it to ya Babe your sure are one hell of a looker but that’s worth only so much huh?” I keep my eyes glued to his as I rip into him like I never would’ve risked before.
Distain fills those gorgeous sapphire eyes and Chris smiles, a terrible twisted smile.
“Good thing you’ve finally realized it.” His agreement is pure sarcasm.
“Oh yeah. Definitely good for me. Now I don’t have to deal with all your shit I can have a nice normal life right? Not some melodramatic fucked-up version of reality out of a fuckin’ movie. Right?”
He’s dead white now staring at me like he doesn’t know who I am.
“I mean every time ya get within five fuckin’ feet of someone they wanna kick your ass or fuck it.” And damn me if it isn’t true. “I know which side I was on. ‘Cos that’s all a guy like me would be interested in right? A pretty face, a nice ass? You don’t really got much else to grab a guy like me right? Nothing worthwhile apart from ya looks.”
There! The ice is gone, replaced by something close to pain.
“Charming Aus…”
“SHUT UP!” I pretty much snarl at this point. Stay in control.
“Ya can’t even help those dumb kids you like to watch over. Didn’t keep Jeff safe from them bastards did ya?” I have to do this, I have to, I have to.
The expression in Chris’ eyes is terrible.
Such agony.
“Everyone knows the best thing you were made for right?”
“Enough, go.” His voice is too controlled, his face could be cut from marble.
“But all that attitude and god dammed moodiness annoys the shit outta me. I had a ball checking you out Babe, but the real you, well. I find I like the outside packaging a bit more appealing than the delivery inside.” There’s no stopping now. “Sure you’re skin’s so smooth and soft it’s sooo touchable that I couldn’t help myself from wanting to caress it and your hair. Like spun-gold and so silky. It felt like I was stroking a cat when I tangled my fingers in it.”
“Be quiet.” Barely a whisper.
“Yeah, your voice. Very sexy that. The roughness ya get when ya yelling or excited. When I used to touch ya I’d hear that note and know you liked it Babe, am I right?” I don’t wait for an answer. “It’s obvious why anyone would want ya Darlin’. You move so well, you look so good. But the best part of ya, the only part worth anything really, well that’s gotta be your face Honey.” I take a step closer. Only a few feet separate us now. Not close enough to touch but I can hear his ragged breathing. He’s turned that beloved face from me now, lids lowered in pain, lashes resting on high cheekbones.
“Please be quiet.” A broken whisper.
Be strong. I command myself.
“But why Darlin’. What do ya care what I say?” No response. “So where was I? Yeah ya face. I think that’s ya best feature, obviously. Those lips that make a man or woman crazy just to taste ‘em, yer skin so soft, that cute little dimple ya get when ya really laugh out loud. Well and then there’s ya eyes. What fuckin’ colour are they anyway? Blue just isn’t enough. Sapphire is the closest I can get. Like my Mom’s engagement ring, pure deep Sapphire. I could gaze into them forever.” I’m almost touching him now. My hands on my hips, our bodies mere inches apart. I stare down into his averted face.
“Please…” not even a whisper, just his mouth forming the word.
I continue on relentlessly. “With that hair, that face and that body you are to die for Sweetheart, no question about it. Made to be adored, made to be loved, made to be fucked. Goldberg knew, didn’t he?”
A sound, almost like a sob reaches my ears. My heart is clenching like a vice. I ignore it.
“’cos that’s all I wanted really. Just to fuck that glorious body. I mean, with all this to enjoy why would I care about the rest of ya?” His eyes fly open and at long last I’m in. Past all the ice, the attitude and the pain. Ok this is it. Now or never.
“I wouldn’t want to hear ya laugh at one of my stupid jokes. Wouldn’t want to see ya being all protective around the Boyos when some dumbass thinks he can make a name for himself on one of their backs. I couldn’t possibly want to hear about ya work in Japan and WCW or meet ya Mom and see pictures of ya as a kid. Wouldn’t want to know why ya hate Cauliflower but eat Broccoli when they are exactly the fuckin’ same. Wouldn’t want to watch ya play with the kids when they visit and hear them squeal ‘cos Chrissy has some insane idea to cause trouble. Wouldn’t want to watch ya loose yourself in that damn music when ya think no-ones looking and wonder at the power it has over ya. Wouldn’t want to watch ya grow old and see that sparkle in yer eyes at sixty when we’ll sit out back and tell all the new Boyos how it was in our heyday. I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life telling ya I adore ya and thanking any fuckin’ god there is that ya feel half as much for me as I feel for you.” I pause and take a deep breath.
“ It’s not like there is much beneath the surface really is there? When the package is so distracting why would I even bother to look?” I finish with all my heart it my eyes. God dammit Love, believe me please.
Nothing. No response.
Moments pass.
I turn from that agonized face and reach out an unsteady hand to turn the lock.
“Why…..”
I look back. Chris’ face is turned towards me, his head tilted back to rest on the wall. As I stare a single tear slips from those fair lashes and runs from his cheekbone into his hair.
“Why would you bother?” His tone is uncertain, truly curious.
My heart is beating a hundred miles an hour. I’m so desperate to have him back.
“Because yer worth loving. Because when Sym hurt ya he made ya hate yerself and that was the worst crime he could of committed. Because it wasn’t something ya did. It was him, not you, that made it happen. Because despite being hurt so bad, ya stayed in this business and became great. Because I want to be in yer life and have ya in mine. Because I love ya Chris. Because I love YOU Chris. Because I love YOU. I love you….”
His arms wrap around my middle.
His face buries itself in my neck.
Oh God. Please be real.
The muffled sounds tear at my heart. I wrap myself around my love, holding him too tightly for comfort but we don’t care. We need this.
“She made me promise. I kept my word. But it was too much to think I would destroy you as well.” Chris mumbles faintly into my neck. “You could do so much better Austin.”
“Yeah right. Not possible Darlin’” I’m confident of that now, more than ever. I can guess who She was. I stay still, breathing deeply of his rare tears, hoping I’ll not see them again for a very long time.
“Do you forgive me?” He pulls back, tossing his hair out of his eyes like the lion he so reminds people of. The rain-drenched eyes meet mine pleadingly. He feels everything so deeply I realize stunned. Of course you need defenses when you are so vulnerable to your emotions. The tragedy was that he turned his passion inwards, into self-hate and nearly destroyed himself with it.
“Maybe,” my lips curl into a seductive smirk as his eyes widen in surprise. “But you’ll have to make it up to me.” Now that he’s back I’m taking advantage for all I’m worth.
The surprised sapphire eyes become calculating in an instant.
“Oh yes. That seems fair.” His smile is so much sexier than I’ve ever witnessed, my temperature just shot up into the hundreds.
“Hold that thought.” I command as I grab his bag in one hand and his bicep in the other. I take us out of the hallway at record speed, the sound of Chris’ laughter surrounding me.
At long last, I’ve won.