You
We met by happenstance when the internet was not as dangerous,.... Yahoo chat was a new experience for most of the world. You were two years older than me and more mature as well. A student teacher at Appalacian State while you finished up your master's degree. I was 24 and naive` to a fault. My memory serves me well where you are concerned, I remember every detail and nearly every word. For one reason or another, I chose to freeze this time period in my memory like stone rocks carved into statues.
I remember the first night we met. You drove from Boone to my place. We watched the Notebook and cuddled on the couch. Yes, it was that ugly blue couch that I didn't want to throw away. It was the perfect day. I remember the way your lips felt on mine and how my lips were so chapped. I couldn't believe that you had read the novel by Sparks. It floored you that I had Fruit Loops in my kitchen instead of some nut combination. From then on it seemed like we had found the perfect mate in each other. We had disagreements and MAN did we miss each other. I didn't want to give as much as receive, I had fears and much anxiety over where my life was going and whether or not I could handle change. You stuck it out with me for two years. It was my fault that things ended. I proposed and you said no... after that, I felt we had no place to go. My childish wants and wishes took pressidant over our relationship at that point. We went back and forth, forward and back.
We last spoke, you had called to see how I was. At this point, I decided that I did not want to be the other woman. After coming to visit in Aheville that day, a surprise is the best way to say... you stood firm in continuing to be with the one you found after me. I respected your wishes and with a heavy heart, I left. I chose not to be the other woman this time and told you not to call again while you were still in a relationship. You granted my request.
Many years later, you're still on my heart. A burden I carry as my one love lost. I listened to God the other night as I rested in bed, I decided to check and see if I could find you online, again, where it all began. There you were, just the same. Should I wave, should I say your name? Oh, why not, I thought, the worst that can be is that you never speak and my memories remain unchanged. And, then I did has I felt God wished. I contacted you... and, waved.
I felt elated and restricted all the same. My words would not come, in typed form as they had so many years before. You typed a few words, in shock and surprise. Where do I go from here, does this lead to my looking in your eyes? I fear the same as I did back then, to rip at a wound so scarred as my heart,... just say the few words; the ones carved by a knive so sharp, peirced so smooth yet hardened like a rock. Emotions so vivid, though unsure. Without one doubt, the hardest news I had yet to hear, a sickness had come.. still unclear... had left in its wake questions and heartache as the one who came after me had left you, standing alone in the street. A vow, in sickness and health, only the second one counts to the shee who came after me. How can it be? You're so devoted, so loving and free?
I carry a prayer in my heart for you, day in and day out, I call out to Him who knows your burdens and bares your pain inside and out. I know there was a reason for the desire I had to hear your voice and tell you all that I have. I used the few times we spoke to say all I needed to feel unburdened and to know how much you mean to me, still today. With God all things are possible, even those burned bridges can be built again.