She lives
Yes, yes i do, after a break from everything (mental break ... at lest) I have returned with far less woes than when i first started this thingy. yesh.. after five years of agony i have finally been victorious in my emotional fight against emotion for the unrequited love of my life that was MIA. i have emerged a far more better person but with quite a few regrets... oh well at leat im sane. i keep thinking about last year and how i pined for someone i rarely even saw or spoke to, and it is ridicuolous that those are the times when i felt myself falling apart for him most. it was... pathetic it is when i lacked the presence of him that i made up the stories in my head about how gloriously wonderfull he was and how no man ever was or could be as good as him... it is a proven fact that boredom can make you insane... but now that i actually am getting to know him... god he seems so pathetically hopeless, weak, weird and not at all worthy of everything i put into him... but i also know it is not his fault... he did not ask me to glorify him above all men , im sure of that, but i can't help being a little hurt to the fact of how i could do this to a person... and to myself... he is nothing more than a teenage boy in this fucked up world... but i can't help hoping (that damned hope >_<) that he was all that i envisioned before he got swallowed up in a world that he let himself fall into... and maybe i could have... saved...him... though i know he does not deserve it... he wasn't the first ... and he won't be the last boy who falls short of everything i want... though i don't even think i would ever be worthy of him if he was... but its fun to hope...(sometimes)