Emotional Outpouring And Resolutions
Today's Writing Effort
Got up and took care of the bunnies, chickens, and cats. Then I did some chores and went into town to pick up the cell phone from Missoula Cell Phone Repair. It needed a new screen and now all of the boys will have a cell phone of some sort and there will be no excuse to not be reachable. Then I went to see Dan.
I was still in a bad state of mind over the previous night. I tried really hard to be in a good mental space when I went to see Dan, but it just wasn't happening. I ended up crying for like an hour while he comforted me. I'm dealing with a lot of feelings of inadequacy lately, mostly because of money and my inability to keep myself afloat. I keep wondering why maxheadwidth would want to be with me if I'm just a financial burden. I know that my brain is being a dick to me and a liar, but once I'm down that rabbit hole, I just fall and fall and fall. But Dan held me and gave me tissues and let me cry into his shirt and then when I was feeling better, I kissed him a lot and we had Snuggles and I felt a lot better. We even had time to watch the first episode of a new show called The Orville. It was funny and I think I would like to continue watching it with him.
I had to leave to go to work. I picked up a shift from 3:00pm-11:00pm and while I was happy to be earning some money, I was not happy to be working so late. Work was work. There was an On-Call guy who stopped by later in the evening to see if we needed any help and he stayed with me for the last couple of hours so that I wouldn't have to be there all by myself. I thought that was really nice.
When I got home, James was still up and we got to talk for a little while and got some things sorted out and a plan of action to address the money anxiety that I've been having. It's hard to not be at least a little bit financially independent. But once the boys graduate, then I can start working more and maybe then I can re-achieve the financial independence that I've been looking for.
I went to sleep in James' bed and he joined me once he was done studying.
Got up and took care of the bunnies, chickens, and cats. Then I did some chores and went into town to pick up the cell phone from Missoula Cell Phone Repair. It needed a new screen and now all of the boys will have a cell phone of some sort and there will be no excuse to not be reachable. Then I went to see Dan.
I was still in a bad state of mind over the previous night. I tried really hard to be in a good mental space when I went to see Dan, but it just wasn't happening. I ended up crying for like an hour while he comforted me. I'm dealing with a lot of feelings of inadequacy lately, mostly because of money and my inability to keep myself afloat. I keep wondering why maxheadwidth would want to be with me if I'm just a financial burden. I know that my brain is being a dick to me and a liar, but once I'm down that rabbit hole, I just fall and fall and fall. But Dan held me and gave me tissues and let me cry into his shirt and then when I was feeling better, I kissed him a lot and we had Snuggles and I felt a lot better. We even had time to watch the first episode of a new show called The Orville. It was funny and I think I would like to continue watching it with him.
I had to leave to go to work. I picked up a shift from 3:00pm-11:00pm and while I was happy to be earning some money, I was not happy to be working so late. Work was work. There was an On-Call guy who stopped by later in the evening to see if we needed any help and he stayed with me for the last couple of hours so that I wouldn't have to be there all by myself. I thought that was really nice.
When I got home, James was still up and we got to talk for a little while and got some things sorted out and a plan of action to address the money anxiety that I've been having. It's hard to not be at least a little bit financially independent. But once the boys graduate, then I can start working more and maybe then I can re-achieve the financial independence that I've been looking for.
I went to sleep in James' bed and he joined me once he was done studying.