He wasn’t beautiful, with his dark hair showing some traces of silver, and sometimes his normally quick step showed his years. But she’d had more than enough of artifice and shallow bullshit in her life. She’d been fucked by her share of carefully groomed and surgically altered freaks. Even Finnick, beautiful as he was, hadn’t ever wanted her as more than his friend. It was Annie, with all her flaws and her own grief to bear, who’d managed to be her truest friend. So she was tired of beauty. It could be crushed and destroyed. It didn’t last and it hadn’t ever done a fucking thing for her anyway.
But when she looked at him, she could see the steel in him that he’d hidden underneath the dissolution and despair. He’d go to any lengths for the people he loved. Maybe all he needed was someone to be patient with him, to protect him for once, to tell him to turn that formidable will towards his own salvation because his life was worth it.
Maybe she wasn’t ready yet for that “I need you” rather than “We need you”, and to tell him that it wasn’t just about Dylan Odair, that she didn’t really want to watch him slowly kill himself either. But as he looked at her, Johanna thought he understood it anyway, and he felt the tension of a thread between them that apparently hadn’t been snapped asunder when he left for Twelve and she left for Four.
No guarantees, but the notion was there. Maybe. This was the first step, wasn’t it? If he could believe in the notion of a future that wasn’t just an endless cycle of endured days and nights, maybe, just maybe, there could be a place for her in it.
Peeta and Coin had both dumped him to suffer through it alone and in doing so, told him with their contempt that it was entirely his problem. She remembered that he’d been there for her in Thirteen the most of anyone, even with as hard as Coin ran him. Even though it had been hard to bear at the time with him seeing her so weak and vulnerable, especially after she failed the test on the Block, she could look back on it now and be grateful that someone cared enough to make time for her, and let her know they wanted her to get better. She remembered his hands on her skin, and the urgency and heat that turned from desperate fucking just to feel alive and not alone, into settling on the cusp of something else. She’d had her share of time to think about things in those months apart.
It wasn’t always nightmares now that woke her in the still hours. Sometimes when she dreamed of sex it was hot and satisfying and even a bit rough. But sometimes she dreamed about sex like she’d never known, full of sweetness or laughter. But it was always Haymitch now, because it had turned from needing someone to banish the loneliness to needing him, and not just in between the sheets.
With him, she thought maybe she could find the way for her life, in and out of bed, to be about hoping rather than just frantically coping. Coping was all she’d known, though, and she couldn’t bear the burden of hope for both of them. The future was too damn frightening if he wasn’t going to step into it with both feet alongside her. “If you don’t want Annie taking care of you, that’s fine, I’ll tell her I’ve got it.” She could imagine he’d be less comfortable with Annie, who didn’t know Haymitch like she did. “But I’ll stick around until you’re OK.”
He looked surprised, a little embarrassed. But he nodded, and for once he didn’t look away.
I love that dynamic they can provide for each other SO FREAKIN MUCH. (Also a sucker for Annie, Haymitch, and Johanna as a family, and if it's an AU where Finnick isn't dead and he's part of that family, yaaaaay)
Well, if you put more Hayhanna out there you know I'll definitely try to write it! So far you and I are the only two to prompt it. Sadface.
But when she looked at him, she could see the steel in him that he’d hidden underneath the dissolution and despair. He’d go to any lengths for the people he loved. Maybe all he needed was someone to be patient with him, to protect him for once, to tell him to turn that formidable will towards his own salvation because his life was worth it.
Maybe she wasn’t ready yet for that “I need you” rather than “We need you”, and to tell him that it wasn’t just about Dylan Odair, that she didn’t really want to watch him slowly kill himself either. But as he looked at her, Johanna thought he understood it anyway, and he felt the tension of a thread between them that apparently hadn’t been snapped asunder when he left for Twelve and she left for Four.
No guarantees, but the notion was there. Maybe. This was the first step, wasn’t it? If he could believe in the notion of a future that wasn’t just an endless cycle of endured days and nights, maybe, just maybe, there could be a place for her in it.
Peeta and Coin had both dumped him to suffer through it alone and in doing so, told him with their contempt that it was entirely his problem. She remembered that he’d been there for her in Thirteen the most of anyone, even with as hard as Coin ran him. Even though it had been hard to bear at the time with him seeing her so weak and vulnerable, especially after she failed the test on the Block, she could look back on it now and be grateful that someone cared enough to make time for her, and let her know they wanted her to get better. She remembered his hands on her skin, and the urgency and heat that turned from desperate fucking just to feel alive and not alone, into settling on the cusp of something else. She’d had her share of time to think about things in those months apart.
It wasn’t always nightmares now that woke her in the still hours. Sometimes when she dreamed of sex it was hot and satisfying and even a bit rough. But sometimes she dreamed about sex like she’d never known, full of sweetness or laughter. But it was always Haymitch now, because it had turned from needing someone to banish the loneliness to needing him, and not just in between the sheets.
With him, she thought maybe she could find the way for her life, in and out of bed, to be about hoping rather than just frantically coping. Coping was all she’d known, though, and she couldn’t bear the burden of hope for both of them. The future was too damn frightening if he wasn’t going to step into it with both feet alongside her. “If you don’t want Annie taking care of you, that’s fine, I’ll tell her I’ve got it.” She could imagine he’d be less comfortable with Annie, who didn’t know Haymitch like she did. “But I’ll stick around until you’re OK.”
He looked surprised, a little embarrassed. But he nodded, and for once he didn’t look away.
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thank you!
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Well, if you put more Hayhanna out there you know I'll definitely try to write it! So far you and I are the only two to prompt it. Sadface.
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