So i guess this is goodbye for now...

[jacobshock]

I wonder if anyone knows how much this is all breaking me. There's so many things wrong, I dont even want to get out of bed anymore. I have to get away, but even that's pulling me apart. I'm so afraid to be away, despite that everything here's completely fucked. One more day here, and then i'm gone... Isn't that wierd to think that im going to be absent from so many routines? From so many peoples daily lives? Hm, I am going to miss you all so much its gay. I hope I dont feel too fucking alone in california. I hope this isnt a really dumb decision. Either way, it's only a month, if i want it to be. Quite honestly I guess the only real big reason for coming back is fatum, not to say all of my good good friends don't matter, its just, it wouldn't be quite so urgent, I could take more time to get over all this bullshit, and go to school and stuff, but I dont really want to go to oregon again. I mean, I grew up there. One month in california and ending it with a trip to hawaii? Will it be long enough to bandage up these fucking wounds? Or at least long enough to make it through a day, without wishing I wasnt there?

Well ok, we all know im pathetic and depressed.
Tonight fatum played a fairwell show, kinda, i guess.
It went good. I love the stuff we do. I love it. I wish
I could appreciate it right now. It does help though
it really does. I love you all, friends, band, family
leah

my heart is so fucking broken.
i didnt know it hurt like this.

You know if I could take back last night, I would.
Mistakes like that are not even fair. If I could ask
whoever is in charge of everything, why that had to happen
and ask, did I really deserve that, I would.

anyways, well. One month from sunday. or something along those lines. who knows the exact days and shite. I hope im missed, for whatever my company is worth. I know ill miss the hell out of all you guys. Dont think i wont have a good time though. Hopefully
<*3
Charles