(no subject)
i might as well write in this thing
since i have it and all
i just wanted to make my feelings public.
ive been trying so hard to make it all ok with her. ive exhausted my self for months now. first i was trying to help. Then i realized how futile my efforts have been. I also realized that i cant see myself being happy again with out you. It's hard to cope with all these feelings when you dont have even the slightest clue on whats going on with and going through this persons head... maybe she doesnt even know. im going to california on sunday, and ill probably only be gone for a month, but who knows. All i know is right now i feel like the air arround me is crushing me, im not trying to sound all deep or emotional, i just really feel like my body is weighed down by everything, i feel like i cant function. there is no possibility of joy. I want to breathe clean air and feel sunshine and look out a backyard with a view 1,000 miles away from tacoma. The distance will help me, either help me be better for you, and you for me, or better off with out you. I keep telling you, to decide what you want from me, i cant take the one day you love me, next day you cant ever do this again cycle. You know where i stand, and if you really love me back then put your money where your mouth is and fucking show me. Im not here for you to take as you need, and dismiss when youre done. I'm not stable and you know that. Look at the handprints on your wall. you know im losing it. do you even realize how much every little thing is killing me.. *its the little things that kill, tearin at my brain again* i feel like i want to vomit my insides up, this mystery is ripping me apart.. my wrist is sore, my eyes are sore, and i panic at the thought of seeing you. god damnit, i wish i could just go inside your head and press the ok button to reset all this stupid bullshit. Right now youre the only key to making me ok, but im really afraid that youre never going to exercise the ability you have. sleeping is such a luxury these days. My dreams are bastards though. youre haunting me every minute of everyday.. anxiety and depression are my new best friends and it really sucks. i cant make myself feel different. Look in the mirror, and ask yourself, when was the last time you were really ok... i cant even remember. Im sorry i took you for granted for so long... It was the best love ive ever known. Maybe one day we can run far enough away to make everything ok. im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying.
since i have it and all
i just wanted to make my feelings public.
ive been trying so hard to make it all ok with her. ive exhausted my self for months now. first i was trying to help. Then i realized how futile my efforts have been. I also realized that i cant see myself being happy again with out you. It's hard to cope with all these feelings when you dont have even the slightest clue on whats going on with and going through this persons head... maybe she doesnt even know. im going to california on sunday, and ill probably only be gone for a month, but who knows. All i know is right now i feel like the air arround me is crushing me, im not trying to sound all deep or emotional, i just really feel like my body is weighed down by everything, i feel like i cant function. there is no possibility of joy. I want to breathe clean air and feel sunshine and look out a backyard with a view 1,000 miles away from tacoma. The distance will help me, either help me be better for you, and you for me, or better off with out you. I keep telling you, to decide what you want from me, i cant take the one day you love me, next day you cant ever do this again cycle. You know where i stand, and if you really love me back then put your money where your mouth is and fucking show me. Im not here for you to take as you need, and dismiss when youre done. I'm not stable and you know that. Look at the handprints on your wall. you know im losing it. do you even realize how much every little thing is killing me.. *its the little things that kill, tearin at my brain again* i feel like i want to vomit my insides up, this mystery is ripping me apart.. my wrist is sore, my eyes are sore, and i panic at the thought of seeing you. god damnit, i wish i could just go inside your head and press the ok button to reset all this stupid bullshit. Right now youre the only key to making me ok, but im really afraid that youre never going to exercise the ability you have. sleeping is such a luxury these days. My dreams are bastards though. youre haunting me every minute of everyday.. anxiety and depression are my new best friends and it really sucks. i cant make myself feel different. Look in the mirror, and ask yourself, when was the last time you were really ok... i cant even remember. Im sorry i took you for granted for so long... It was the best love ive ever known. Maybe one day we can run far enough away to make everything ok. im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying im dying.