Please Throw Away "Our" Bottle of Gin, It Insinuates That We Have Something Together
So, I'm back in Boston.... yay. Break was good. Hanging out with my brother, seeing Ashley, visiting Grandma- the norm.
New roomate. Talia. She's cool, very friendly and very sweet. We should get along well *knock on wood* Little room though. I guess I've been spoiled with my room size the past 2 years, but geesh, I'm just trying not to trip over myself here. LOL. Hopefully it will just make me appreciate the apartment more when I get it in the fall.
Yesterday was SUCH a good day. I don't even really remember all the reasons why. I just felt GOOD all day. Went to work, that was good. Bothered Em working in the piano rooms for lunch, and got caught up. Finished out work with just the girls...hilarious conversation there. Went to Sushi with Em...fantastic. Went to see DaVinci Code with Talia and her best friend Emily. Movie was one and a half thumbs up I guess but the company was 4 stars soooo it was worth it.
I have a question though, that I've been trying to answer for ages and I can't really figure it out. If you have something you're trying to do, regardless of why, if it's something you have to remind yourself of over and over and over again.... is it maybe not something you're supposed to fight?!?
Example: If you're trying to stop biting your fingernails, or swearing, or eating meat, if you keep slipping over and over again.... isn't that kind of an indication that maybe you shouldn't be fighting it?!? and seriously, besides the discomfort of small open wounds, who even CARES if you bite your nails? If you're not talking like a sailor in an Elementary school, or around nuns or something, who cares if you swear? And what should you care who cares if you do those things?!? huh? If you don't have a ethic based hang-up about eating meat...why NOT eat a steak?!? I'm not sure if this is making sense. My real problem isn't eating meat or my lack of fingernails, it's stupid personal feelings shit. I just know that at this point I have spent JUST as much energy and time pursuing something I wanted/want, as I have trying to fight it and get over it. And in all honesty I am tired of both. I suppose it's hard to find the light at either end of the tunnel if you keep changing which end you're trying to walk out of. I guess I need to try to do both. lol. I've probably lost you at this point....
I'm the kind of person who needs a game plan. I plan and configure and make lists and schedules. I NEED A, "this is how we're going to do this..." to plow myself into full-boar. This is fine if the situation is learning to play the piano or losing weight or whatever. People however, I am finding, can get a bit skiddish if you're "full-boaring" into them.
There's this recurring theme in movies (so you know it HAS to be true. duh.) that basically is the "chase a butterfly and you'll never catch it, sit still and the butterfly will come to you" deal. It makes perfect sense, and seems like it would be a lot less stressful. But what the hell are you supposed to do with yourself while you're twiddling your thumbs in the middle of the grass?!?! I think I have a problem with sitting still. I don't know why, I have nothing but time... I'm 19 and healthy for the love of Pete. I just have a lot of emotional energy. Not just like nervous energy where a run or some other project will disperse it nicely. It's just ....emotional, it only expels itself in certain form.
I've come to the conclusion that I need to chill. I'm a bit of a crazy right now. I mean I'm fine, I feel good, I'm not depressed or upset really or anything like that. I do love my life. I just change my mind every 30 seconds, including my mood. Especially my mood. So I just kind of don't feel like I would be good for anybody else right now.
And after saying that....I guess that kind of answers what I should be doing....pop a squat in this tunnel and take a little time to figure out my best route of exiting maybe. Maybe. Yeah, now after saying all of that I feel fine. Manic. But whatever. Overall this past month is the happiest I've been in ages. Now I just need to find a butterfly field in Boston.
Kidding. : )
New roomate. Talia. She's cool, very friendly and very sweet. We should get along well *knock on wood* Little room though. I guess I've been spoiled with my room size the past 2 years, but geesh, I'm just trying not to trip over myself here. LOL. Hopefully it will just make me appreciate the apartment more when I get it in the fall.
Yesterday was SUCH a good day. I don't even really remember all the reasons why. I just felt GOOD all day. Went to work, that was good. Bothered Em working in the piano rooms for lunch, and got caught up. Finished out work with just the girls...hilarious conversation there. Went to Sushi with Em...fantastic. Went to see DaVinci Code with Talia and her best friend Emily. Movie was one and a half thumbs up I guess but the company was 4 stars soooo it was worth it.
I have a question though, that I've been trying to answer for ages and I can't really figure it out. If you have something you're trying to do, regardless of why, if it's something you have to remind yourself of over and over and over again.... is it maybe not something you're supposed to fight?!?
Example: If you're trying to stop biting your fingernails, or swearing, or eating meat, if you keep slipping over and over again.... isn't that kind of an indication that maybe you shouldn't be fighting it?!? and seriously, besides the discomfort of small open wounds, who even CARES if you bite your nails? If you're not talking like a sailor in an Elementary school, or around nuns or something, who cares if you swear? And what should you care who cares if you do those things?!? huh? If you don't have a ethic based hang-up about eating meat...why NOT eat a steak?!? I'm not sure if this is making sense. My real problem isn't eating meat or my lack of fingernails, it's stupid personal feelings shit. I just know that at this point I have spent JUST as much energy and time pursuing something I wanted/want, as I have trying to fight it and get over it. And in all honesty I am tired of both. I suppose it's hard to find the light at either end of the tunnel if you keep changing which end you're trying to walk out of. I guess I need to try to do both. lol. I've probably lost you at this point....
I'm the kind of person who needs a game plan. I plan and configure and make lists and schedules. I NEED A, "this is how we're going to do this..." to plow myself into full-boar. This is fine if the situation is learning to play the piano or losing weight or whatever. People however, I am finding, can get a bit skiddish if you're "full-boaring" into them.
There's this recurring theme in movies (so you know it HAS to be true. duh.) that basically is the "chase a butterfly and you'll never catch it, sit still and the butterfly will come to you" deal. It makes perfect sense, and seems like it would be a lot less stressful. But what the hell are you supposed to do with yourself while you're twiddling your thumbs in the middle of the grass?!?! I think I have a problem with sitting still. I don't know why, I have nothing but time... I'm 19 and healthy for the love of Pete. I just have a lot of emotional energy. Not just like nervous energy where a run or some other project will disperse it nicely. It's just ....emotional, it only expels itself in certain form.
I've come to the conclusion that I need to chill. I'm a bit of a crazy right now. I mean I'm fine, I feel good, I'm not depressed or upset really or anything like that. I do love my life. I just change my mind every 30 seconds, including my mood. Especially my mood. So I just kind of don't feel like I would be good for anybody else right now.
And after saying that....I guess that kind of answers what I should be doing....pop a squat in this tunnel and take a little time to figure out my best route of exiting maybe. Maybe. Yeah, now after saying all of that I feel fine. Manic. But whatever. Overall this past month is the happiest I've been in ages. Now I just need to find a butterfly field in Boston.
Kidding. : )