(no subject)
ok so today i believe i did something idiotic. I have some good friends well two good friends that were friends before i was friends with them..they were friends way back. something happened at work with one of my friends and i made a big deal out of basically nothing. I just ingored her. Yeah there was some stuff that was annoying me from before but she didnt do anything wrong. I just basically alienated myself from everyone and made myself feel like even more shit, and then just built shit up in my head. i do this all of the time. I hate being fake and cheery, i cant do it. Maybe this is how people naturally are but in a lot of cases id rather be alone...but then when im alone i bitch to myself about everyone else. I dont know why i do this. Iv had tons of fucked up friends in the past. anyways i just made abig deal about nothing...met her other friend(whos alos my friend at a bar, saw that she was there and waited in the parking lot and didnt go in) i was just stupid and made it a huge deal even though it was nothing and then eventually they were like what is going on? i called them later on and had to apologize and they were really nice to me about it and were like dont hide anything from us and shit, so basically i feel like a goddamn idiot. I dont know why i do this. And i do it a lot. I let things build up, let people walk all over me then eventually i just get really pissed and ignore people and would rather not deal with them ever again. Then i am so forgiving and nice when they apologize or are nice to me. And i feel bad right now. i just feel wierd, like its gonna be wierd tomorrow. I hate shit like this. like what am i gonna say when i see her...this is the Stupid meaningless shit that i get anxiety about
other then that iv just recently over the past 2 months started seeing a therapist who suggested i get analyzed by a psychiatrist to see if i need medicine.
after one visit for about an hour she came to the conclusion that i have add and anxiety disorder.
she gave me some medicine to take..stratterra...for the add to start--she wanted to give me ritalin but is holding off for now because im psycho about taking medicines and i didnt want to be all jumpy and shit and iv heard a lot of bad things about this medicine
i know that a lot of people are diagnosed with add all of the time...i dont want to take this medicine...im freaking out...is it worth the try?
id rather have started out with the anxiety/depression medicine..i believe she said she was gonna give me lexapro..she asked if i wanted to help the add or anxiety first i said whatever will get me motivated...but now i think id rather treat the anxiety first.
im scared of taking an antidepressant though because iv read horrible things about those as well.
saying u can get into mania episodes which freaks me out becausei do get very very high on life at times and then have my hard core lows
if someone has bipolar they should not go on these medicines
and whos to say im not bipolar, i only met with her for an hour
she had me fill out these stupid papers(like what u fill out online to see if u have certain disorders)
i dont know really anymore..theres to much stuff going through my head right now that im thinking about, this isnt even half of everything.
other then that iv just recently over the past 2 months started seeing a therapist who suggested i get analyzed by a psychiatrist to see if i need medicine.
after one visit for about an hour she came to the conclusion that i have add and anxiety disorder.
she gave me some medicine to take..stratterra...for the add to start--she wanted to give me ritalin but is holding off for now because im psycho about taking medicines and i didnt want to be all jumpy and shit and iv heard a lot of bad things about this medicine
i know that a lot of people are diagnosed with add all of the time...i dont want to take this medicine...im freaking out...is it worth the try?
id rather have started out with the anxiety/depression medicine..i believe she said she was gonna give me lexapro..she asked if i wanted to help the add or anxiety first i said whatever will get me motivated...but now i think id rather treat the anxiety first.
im scared of taking an antidepressant though because iv read horrible things about those as well.
saying u can get into mania episodes which freaks me out becausei do get very very high on life at times and then have my hard core lows
if someone has bipolar they should not go on these medicines
and whos to say im not bipolar, i only met with her for an hour
she had me fill out these stupid papers(like what u fill out online to see if u have certain disorders)
i dont know really anymore..theres to much stuff going through my head right now that im thinking about, this isnt even half of everything.