(no subject)
Yesterday wasn't the best of days. It started out with a bang...hearing from my most recent ex in a not so friendly manner. I think the starting line was "its one thing you contacting all my friends, stay the fuck away from my family". Alas, I can't help it if I run into her friends in public places. I'm not calling them out and asking them to hang out with me. We argued for about a half an hour back and forth, both accusing the other of stupid things. My feelings for her during our relationship were questioned again. I guess some things never change. Alas, the conversation actually ended on a good note. I'm not quite sure how we turned it around but perhaps we'll salvage an amicable friendship out of everything in the long run.
Then I looked at my phone around two and realized that it was the 25th. April 25th, always a day of reflection for me. I find myself realizing how much I've grown each year at the same time. How much I've changed, matured and set my sights on what I really want. April 25th, for those not in the know, is my first girlfriend's birthday. A person who at one time meant so much to me, and still would if she were able to be a part of my life. I miss her friendship and when monumental changes take place in my life my first instinct is still to pick up the phone to call her. Do you suppose that will ever change? She might as well be dead to me, but at least then I would have a grave to visit. A spirit to talk to. If I thought that she herself wanted nothing to do with me perhaps my heart could let go of the want for her presence in my life. Instead, I know that others have kept her from contacting me. Blah to people not strong enough to stand up for the things that they want in life.
So I took the train home and spent the forty minutes of commuting reflecting even more. Pieces of the conversation with Kelli still reeling in my head, memories of times long passed and of course thoughts of how great this weekend is going to be. I got home and made myself a sammich. I watched the L Word and made Amanda and I a pizza. I cracked open a beer, set Amanda up on my computer so she could download some music and then booted up my handheld so I could chat with some peeps. Then I got a nice surprise. Natasha was down the road to surprise me and hopefully brighten my day. And brighten it definitely did! I have such fun with her. And I always walk away from each encounter smiling from the inside out. She just makes me feel alive. And of course, I don't think anyone has ever made me laugh aloud as much as she has. Which let me tell you, is a feat all on it's own.
So yeah, yesterday started out horribly, but ended with a smile and a hug. I'm looking forward to this weekend like no other. The hotel reservations have been made and the plans have been fairly set in stone. Sadie will get a thorough cleaning from the inside to prep her for the road trip. I need to make room for bags in the trunk and get some of that crap out of there. And I've got to dig out my name plaque from Guaranty to hang on my door before Amanda and Kellye but a sign that says Champagne Room up there. 'Cause we all know there's no sex in the champagne room, and we can't be having that.
Then I looked at my phone around two and realized that it was the 25th. April 25th, always a day of reflection for me. I find myself realizing how much I've grown each year at the same time. How much I've changed, matured and set my sights on what I really want. April 25th, for those not in the know, is my first girlfriend's birthday. A person who at one time meant so much to me, and still would if she were able to be a part of my life. I miss her friendship and when monumental changes take place in my life my first instinct is still to pick up the phone to call her. Do you suppose that will ever change? She might as well be dead to me, but at least then I would have a grave to visit. A spirit to talk to. If I thought that she herself wanted nothing to do with me perhaps my heart could let go of the want for her presence in my life. Instead, I know that others have kept her from contacting me. Blah to people not strong enough to stand up for the things that they want in life.
So I took the train home and spent the forty minutes of commuting reflecting even more. Pieces of the conversation with Kelli still reeling in my head, memories of times long passed and of course thoughts of how great this weekend is going to be. I got home and made myself a sammich. I watched the L Word and made Amanda and I a pizza. I cracked open a beer, set Amanda up on my computer so she could download some music and then booted up my handheld so I could chat with some peeps. Then I got a nice surprise. Natasha was down the road to surprise me and hopefully brighten my day. And brighten it definitely did! I have such fun with her. And I always walk away from each encounter smiling from the inside out. She just makes me feel alive. And of course, I don't think anyone has ever made me laugh aloud as much as she has. Which let me tell you, is a feat all on it's own.
So yeah, yesterday started out horribly, but ended with a smile and a hug. I'm looking forward to this weekend like no other. The hotel reservations have been made and the plans have been fairly set in stone. Sadie will get a thorough cleaning from the inside to prep her for the road trip. I need to make room for bags in the trunk and get some of that crap out of there. And I've got to dig out my name plaque from Guaranty to hang on my door before Amanda and Kellye but a sign that says Champagne Room up there. 'Cause we all know there's no sex in the champagne room, and we can't be having that.