thought this was funny
1. Jackie needs a new neighbor. (Yes! Yes! One without a toddler and Barney DVDs playing on their Surround Sound system! Yes!)
2. Jackie needs a housemate. (No! No! Do NOT! I like living alone! I'm spoiled! Wait... unless it's in a huge new house and I have an entire wing! That would work. Oh... I want an indoor swimming pool in the new house with my new housemate.)
3. Jackie needs help in this area. (Well, yeah. That should go without saying, shouldn't it?)
4. Jackie needs a friend. (Um. Yes. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Not at all. :::singing old James Taylor songs -- Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there, you've got a friend...:::)
5. Jackie needs to go to Busch Gardens. (Cool. I'm game!)
6. Jackie needs an interpreter. (Hey! I take offense to that! I do NOT have that New Jersey accent! I live here; I'm not from here!)
7. Jackie needs more love. (And gifts. Don't forget the gifts. I like fine chocolate and electronic gadgets. I could use an Ipod. I don't have one. Wait... you're talking of love, not gifts? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?)
8. Jackie needs to be 'funny every second!' (Oh, the pressure! The pressure! I am NOT a stand-up comedian! Sheesh!)
9. Jackie needs to learn to read! (I do not. I've obviously learned to fake it pretty well, don't you think? I've made it this far in life. I'm not going to open the doors to literacy at this point.)
10. Jackie needs her two siblings. (May I ask what for? I'm really not ready for company. And which of my three brothers would remain not needed? Wouldn't that cause a rift in the family?)
11. Jackie needs a prayer for her painkiller addiction. (Nope,I still have most of my prescription for the knee surgery. The stuff makes me sick.)
12. Jackie needs guidance from above. (I'm sure I do but I may have to learn to read first so I can write to Above seeking the guidance I need.)
13. Jackie needs a sidekick. (No, not a kick in the side! A sidekick! I always wanted a sidekick! A pal! A crone! Someone to laugh while I'm being funny every second!)
14. Jackie needs to write a song. (As long as you don't expect me to sing or play a musical instrument.)
15. Jackie needs to write her Masters paper NOW. (Right now? I don't think I'm even enrolled! Would it be accredited? Why don't I just focus on my doctorate instead? Uh-oh. I really must prioritize that learning to read bit first, I guess.)
16. Jackie needs a think about things! (Always, always. My mind is like a fine-tuned machine, a well oiled cog in the scheme of life and mankind.)
17. Jackie needs to order up a double dose cow brains sauteed in American wine. (I'm speechless at this one. I'm assuming a red wine?)
18. Jackie needs varnishing! (Eau de Varnish, the next hot scent on the market!)
19. Jackie needs lessons in strawberry etiquette. (Call me leery, but it sounds scary.)
20. Jackie needs money. (Yes, e-mail me with unmarked bills and large checks. All donations accepted. )
2. Jackie needs a housemate. (No! No! Do NOT! I like living alone! I'm spoiled! Wait... unless it's in a huge new house and I have an entire wing! That would work. Oh... I want an indoor swimming pool in the new house with my new housemate.)
3. Jackie needs help in this area. (Well, yeah. That should go without saying, shouldn't it?)
4. Jackie needs a friend. (Um. Yes. Not that I'm desperate or anything. Not at all. :::singing old James Taylor songs -- Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there, you've got a friend...:::)
5. Jackie needs to go to Busch Gardens. (Cool. I'm game!)
6. Jackie needs an interpreter. (Hey! I take offense to that! I do NOT have that New Jersey accent! I live here; I'm not from here!)
7. Jackie needs more love. (And gifts. Don't forget the gifts. I like fine chocolate and electronic gadgets. I could use an Ipod. I don't have one. Wait... you're talking of love, not gifts? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?)
8. Jackie needs to be 'funny every second!' (Oh, the pressure! The pressure! I am NOT a stand-up comedian! Sheesh!)
9. Jackie needs to learn to read! (I do not. I've obviously learned to fake it pretty well, don't you think? I've made it this far in life. I'm not going to open the doors to literacy at this point.)
10. Jackie needs her two siblings. (May I ask what for? I'm really not ready for company. And which of my three brothers would remain not needed? Wouldn't that cause a rift in the family?)
11. Jackie needs a prayer for her painkiller addiction. (Nope,I still have most of my prescription for the knee surgery. The stuff makes me sick.)
12. Jackie needs guidance from above. (I'm sure I do but I may have to learn to read first so I can write to Above seeking the guidance I need.)
13. Jackie needs a sidekick. (No, not a kick in the side! A sidekick! I always wanted a sidekick! A pal! A crone! Someone to laugh while I'm being funny every second!)
14. Jackie needs to write a song. (As long as you don't expect me to sing or play a musical instrument.)
15. Jackie needs to write her Masters paper NOW. (Right now? I don't think I'm even enrolled! Would it be accredited? Why don't I just focus on my doctorate instead? Uh-oh. I really must prioritize that learning to read bit first, I guess.)
16. Jackie needs a think about things! (Always, always. My mind is like a fine-tuned machine, a well oiled cog in the scheme of life and mankind.)
17. Jackie needs to order up a double dose cow brains sauteed in American wine. (I'm speechless at this one. I'm assuming a red wine?)
18. Jackie needs varnishing! (Eau de Varnish, the next hot scent on the market!)
19. Jackie needs lessons in strawberry etiquette. (Call me leery, but it sounds scary.)
20. Jackie needs money. (Yes, e-mail me with unmarked bills and large checks. All donations accepted. )