Depressing bullcrap and stuff
I think it's time that I look into prescription drugs for my mental state of mind. I always seem to be unhappy. No, that's an understatement. I tend to feel like it's the end of the world a lot more than not. I always feel like the world is out to get me somehow and I don't know how to stop feeling so paranoid. I don't know how to stop feeling like I'm so unimportant to everyone.
I've officially labeled myself a basket case. I see why nobody really wants to hang out with me, or sort of uses me as a friend in convenience. I'm the guy that someone hangs out with when they have nothing better to do with their time. I guess I've always been that guy. That's fine. I'm used to it. If that is God's purpose for me right now, then I accept it. I just keep praying that it really is going to get better one day.
There seems to be a lot of youtube videos of all these people submitting to the Trevor Project on how everything gets better. Well I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting to feel that sense of belonging somewhere...or with someone. I'm still waiting for that unconditional love. Maybe I really am just so screwed up inside my head that I can't see the good things that I do have in front of me. I accomplished a 4.0 last semester in college, so why do I feel like that's not good enough when that's the best you can get (as far as academic life is concerned)? What is it going to take for me to feel like everything in life is okay and I'm not just a waste of space? The only answer I have right now is pills. I think I've reached that point. I'm so tired of trying to make myself think that everything is okay, feeling like it's not, when it actually is. I'll reiterate, I'm a fucking basket case. sigh.
I've officially labeled myself a basket case. I see why nobody really wants to hang out with me, or sort of uses me as a friend in convenience. I'm the guy that someone hangs out with when they have nothing better to do with their time. I guess I've always been that guy. That's fine. I'm used to it. If that is God's purpose for me right now, then I accept it. I just keep praying that it really is going to get better one day.
There seems to be a lot of youtube videos of all these people submitting to the Trevor Project on how everything gets better. Well I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting to feel that sense of belonging somewhere...or with someone. I'm still waiting for that unconditional love. Maybe I really am just so screwed up inside my head that I can't see the good things that I do have in front of me. I accomplished a 4.0 last semester in college, so why do I feel like that's not good enough when that's the best you can get (as far as academic life is concerned)? What is it going to take for me to feel like everything in life is okay and I'm not just a waste of space? The only answer I have right now is pills. I think I've reached that point. I'm so tired of trying to make myself think that everything is okay, feeling like it's not, when it actually is. I'll reiterate, I'm a fucking basket case. sigh.