I feel like walking.
I just feel like walking. So I'm going to walk. No particular destination, just heading south where it will warm up. I have about 30 dollars and some change in my pocket so it's only a matter of time before I'll need to scrounge the wilderness for sustenance like an animal. The leaves are already changing to bright colors and gravity is getting the best of them. Signaling death to the old and welcoming the birth of a new winter. Its best I keep a steady pace. Its a long way out of the neighborhood. This street winds in and out of valleys for miles and all around me houses reach upward towards the sky competing for god's attention. If only they knew he stopped caring before we imagined him.
I suppose I should clarify my position by explaining how I got here. I've asked myself that question often enough to assume I know the answer, but I've only ever been able to sum it vaguely. It seems to me as though we're only imitating life. The way a shadow mimics the source of motion. You see, I feel as though we're just a reflection of what we want to be, and never who we really are. Now I'm sure you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about or how it's even relevant, I sometimes wonder the same thing. But I assure you it is, and I'll do my best to try to explain. Your mind imagines a you, that by your learned standards of societal measures would make you significant in some way. So you propose this in the fashion of carrying yourself with that in mind. Only ever being a shadow of what you wish you were.
In considering this, I no longer felt compelled to aspire in the name of vanity. I no longer fit in because I realized I had nothing to fight for. So clearly there was no place for me in a society whos very economy depends soley on war. Which leads us to last night. I was laying in bed kicking, stretching, and rolling around trying to get comfortable. Trying to dream. But as usual my mind was working over time. Dissecting and analyzing the days thoughts and observations and I couldn't find the right position. I was stressed that I had to get up early for work again, and just tired of the whole process.
'What's the point?' I thought.
This all seems so pointless. Like we're just killing time. There's this whole world out there of infinite knowledge and discovery and we've traded it for the illusion of comfort and stability. I don't want to miss my chance to see the world. I kept picturing myself running outside and throwing a water balloon in to the middle of the street just to break the repetition. I wanted to act on impulse and suffer the consequence. Just to turn the world inside out and watch it glow in a different light. So, I thought, how can I connect with the world on a completely different level, rather than just sit idly and watch it slowly pass by? Go for a walk!
So here I am. And Its damned chilly out. I probably should have grabbed a hat. I'm starting to realize that this is going to be a lonely trip around the block. But I suppose no worse than the isolation I feel even when someone is sitting right next to me. At least now I should be able to gather my thoughts with out the distraction of having to pretend I'm interested in someone elses. So that's what I'll be attempting to do along the way. There's so much to consider that I don't even know where to begin. I have to start somewhere so I suppose I should start by posing the BIG question. That question being; What do we really know about the universe, and our place in it? Just consider this for a second. The universe is so vast, and reaches to the ends of which we can't even imagine and yet we've managed to put it in to perspective? Hold on, so we're unable to maintain a balance in our own ecosystem, killing an estimated 200 species a day, but we're capable of calculating the nature of the cosmos? Right.
It was by chance one day at Borders that I picked up a book, when I already had one in my hand that I was half way in to, that grabbed my attention immediately. I didn't have money to buy this book, as most are over priced due to inflation or some other economic phenomenon I don't understand, so I found myself going to Borders every day to pick up where I had left off. The title of the book isn't important, but the essence of the book is what influenced these questions. How do we know what we know? More importantly, how do we know what we know is even worth knowing? Is knowledge anything more than just agreed upon theories? I ask these questions looking for some universal answer, when I know the answer it self is subject to interpretation. Here is my stab at a theoretical interpretation, based on what I've learned so far to be 'true.'
"You can only project what you're capable of interpreting. If you're limited in what you understand then your interpretation will be limited. What we know of the universe is only a reflection of our frame of reference as influenced by human experience. Therefore science, a system of interpretation, is a reflection of our tendency to project, based on our frame of reference, human experience on to the universe. An introspective projection, in it self, is very limited. Although complex, its the complexity of human experience that we understand so little. As the egocentric misses the evidence of social cause, he likewise underestimates the vastness of the universe. He knows only of the universe what he knows of himself. And that is, that he's full of shit."
Of course, I'm no exception to these laws I'm describing so my explination by its very nature misses the bigger picture entirely. What that bigger picture is, I dont know. Otherwise I wouldn't have missed it. Walk it off.
..........I've been walking farther than the soles of my shoes can handle. I've burnt a hole through the only thing keeping me safe from the concrete. And I've only just made it around the corner, 1/4 of the block. Its getting colder. My stomach is rumbling with the intensity of the big SUVs whizzing by. I've considered rolling in front of one just to teach hunger a lesson. Maybe I should just give up. Turn around and make my way back home. The thought of familiar routines is tempting. Hot meals, showers, repetition, acceptance. Ugh. Why even tease myself with the notion? Could I really just buy in to it all over again? The idea that this is just life, and that it all works out. If that were true we'd all be out of work. It exists only in the mind that if we play along we'll get along. Subjective reasoning silencing the evident contrary. I refuse to swallow it back down.
..........There's a sanctuary for childhood memories outlined in paved streets and hidden by the leaves of trees we use to swing from. Where the heart of the river is a waterfall. Beating with every drop and coursing its way through the hills. Captivated we'll reinvent ourselves with new perspectives through every ripple.
I suppose I should clarify my position by explaining how I got here. I've asked myself that question often enough to assume I know the answer, but I've only ever been able to sum it vaguely. It seems to me as though we're only imitating life. The way a shadow mimics the source of motion. You see, I feel as though we're just a reflection of what we want to be, and never who we really are. Now I'm sure you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about or how it's even relevant, I sometimes wonder the same thing. But I assure you it is, and I'll do my best to try to explain. Your mind imagines a you, that by your learned standards of societal measures would make you significant in some way. So you propose this in the fashion of carrying yourself with that in mind. Only ever being a shadow of what you wish you were.
In considering this, I no longer felt compelled to aspire in the name of vanity. I no longer fit in because I realized I had nothing to fight for. So clearly there was no place for me in a society whos very economy depends soley on war. Which leads us to last night. I was laying in bed kicking, stretching, and rolling around trying to get comfortable. Trying to dream. But as usual my mind was working over time. Dissecting and analyzing the days thoughts and observations and I couldn't find the right position. I was stressed that I had to get up early for work again, and just tired of the whole process.
'What's the point?' I thought.
This all seems so pointless. Like we're just killing time. There's this whole world out there of infinite knowledge and discovery and we've traded it for the illusion of comfort and stability. I don't want to miss my chance to see the world. I kept picturing myself running outside and throwing a water balloon in to the middle of the street just to break the repetition. I wanted to act on impulse and suffer the consequence. Just to turn the world inside out and watch it glow in a different light. So, I thought, how can I connect with the world on a completely different level, rather than just sit idly and watch it slowly pass by? Go for a walk!
So here I am. And Its damned chilly out. I probably should have grabbed a hat. I'm starting to realize that this is going to be a lonely trip around the block. But I suppose no worse than the isolation I feel even when someone is sitting right next to me. At least now I should be able to gather my thoughts with out the distraction of having to pretend I'm interested in someone elses. So that's what I'll be attempting to do along the way. There's so much to consider that I don't even know where to begin. I have to start somewhere so I suppose I should start by posing the BIG question. That question being; What do we really know about the universe, and our place in it? Just consider this for a second. The universe is so vast, and reaches to the ends of which we can't even imagine and yet we've managed to put it in to perspective? Hold on, so we're unable to maintain a balance in our own ecosystem, killing an estimated 200 species a day, but we're capable of calculating the nature of the cosmos? Right.
It was by chance one day at Borders that I picked up a book, when I already had one in my hand that I was half way in to, that grabbed my attention immediately. I didn't have money to buy this book, as most are over priced due to inflation or some other economic phenomenon I don't understand, so I found myself going to Borders every day to pick up where I had left off. The title of the book isn't important, but the essence of the book is what influenced these questions. How do we know what we know? More importantly, how do we know what we know is even worth knowing? Is knowledge anything more than just agreed upon theories? I ask these questions looking for some universal answer, when I know the answer it self is subject to interpretation. Here is my stab at a theoretical interpretation, based on what I've learned so far to be 'true.'
"You can only project what you're capable of interpreting. If you're limited in what you understand then your interpretation will be limited. What we know of the universe is only a reflection of our frame of reference as influenced by human experience. Therefore science, a system of interpretation, is a reflection of our tendency to project, based on our frame of reference, human experience on to the universe. An introspective projection, in it self, is very limited. Although complex, its the complexity of human experience that we understand so little. As the egocentric misses the evidence of social cause, he likewise underestimates the vastness of the universe. He knows only of the universe what he knows of himself. And that is, that he's full of shit."
Of course, I'm no exception to these laws I'm describing so my explination by its very nature misses the bigger picture entirely. What that bigger picture is, I dont know. Otherwise I wouldn't have missed it. Walk it off.
..........I've been walking farther than the soles of my shoes can handle. I've burnt a hole through the only thing keeping me safe from the concrete. And I've only just made it around the corner, 1/4 of the block. Its getting colder. My stomach is rumbling with the intensity of the big SUVs whizzing by. I've considered rolling in front of one just to teach hunger a lesson. Maybe I should just give up. Turn around and make my way back home. The thought of familiar routines is tempting. Hot meals, showers, repetition, acceptance. Ugh. Why even tease myself with the notion? Could I really just buy in to it all over again? The idea that this is just life, and that it all works out. If that were true we'd all be out of work. It exists only in the mind that if we play along we'll get along. Subjective reasoning silencing the evident contrary. I refuse to swallow it back down.
..........There's a sanctuary for childhood memories outlined in paved streets and hidden by the leaves of trees we use to swing from. Where the heart of the river is a waterfall. Beating with every drop and coursing its way through the hills. Captivated we'll reinvent ourselves with new perspectives through every ripple.