Dec 09, 2003 19:25
Reaction Letter to Homosexuality Unit
Dear Mrs. DeBoer,
I am pleased to offer my opinion on the homosexuality unit and the homosexuality panel in class Monday December 8, 2003. I would like to mention that I am extremely happy Birmingham Public Schools includes a “homosexuality unit” in its curriculum for every single graduating high school student. I realize, as a fairly progressive district, BPS is pretty much a minority when it comes to teaching homosexuality. Although the unit shared basic information about homosexuality and living as gay in order to prepare students for life in the “real world,” I believe 150 minutes is not enough time to teach about homosexuality.
Before I go any further into my discussion about the “homosexuality unit,” I would like to mention that I am gay. Otherwise, I would not state such a strong opinion on the matter. I am gay. I do not participate in PFLAG, the GSA, or any other gay organization. This is not to say that I do not approve of their work, I just am not an activist for gay rights in this country. My sexual orientation attracts me to members of the same sex, and that is all I need to do. Whether or not it is my duty to serve gay America just because I am gay is my decision. Unfortunately, because of this, the people who represent gays and lesbians are the more activist types, the ones who don’t care if everyone knows they are gay. I believe that someday I will have to live in the “real world” myself and not be totally open about my sexuality at work, with coworkers, or bosses, just because that is the reality of America today. I do not mean to sound cynical about it or anything, I just feel in order to succeed the way I want to I am going to have to keep my sexuality to myself. I believe that I, as well as many others (at least my gay male friends) feel the same way about the situation. It is not a shame to be gay for me, I actually am happy to be gay. I wish to share my experiences with being gay with you later in this letter.
As I have stated before, I think it is great that we have a homosexuality unit at Seaholm. I believe it is a nice concept, and I really don’t want to knock anything you do, because I know you have already worked hard enough to be able to teach what you teach. The introduction to homosexuality which you read out of a book was nice. I liked the content; I liked what it had to say: teaching the basics of homosexuality. However, I disliked the way that you were forced to read out of the book. In actuality, it was offensive to me how the book had to be read. It reminded me of taking a standardized test and being read to about how to take the test. There is nothing standardized about being gay, so the curriculum shouldn’t have to be. Now I realize that we live in a “real world” situation where not everything can be the way it should be. I’m sure you hate reading out of a textbook as much as I hate hearing it, but I know in reality there is very little either one of us can do about it until the world is a more accepting place (and maybe not even then). One note-I’m not sure if you can take one woman’s statement about how “lesbians” prefer to be called “gay women” and then teach it (At least you made it sound this way, please forgive me if I misunderstood you).
Again, the gay panel was an idea nice in thought, but failing in execution. I was reminded of a video we watched in Flex about a family in the 1960’s from Birmingham that brought black people over for dinner so their kids could be ready for the real world. By interacting with these black people “imported” from Detroit to the suburbs, the kids were able to see diversity, although the only people they really saw were a couple of black kids. For many, this was their first time listening to gay people speak. For many, this was their first impression. And let me tell you, I do not think that a realistic first impression was made. How could four stories, four people speak for the entire gay population? Could you put four heterosexuals up front and have them talk about what it is like being heterosexual? I don’t think so. Could you put four Asians up front and tell everyone what it is like to be Asian in America? Certainly not. Everyone’s stories are different, everyone is unique and I think by putting four people with four stories up front, a false impression of what it is like to be gay is created. The people that went up in front of the class were not representative of the gay population as a whole. “What is your experience like being gay?” “It’s fine.” It’s great that these people had no problems being gay, and it’s great that there is no story to tell, but I don’t think its okay because it makes everyone feel like it is fine and dandy to be gay. The people that were up there were a part of PFLAG. They were there because they want to share a message. Parents are there because they love their gay kids and support them in their endeavors. Certainly, parents who have a major problem with their children being gay-or even a slight problem with them being gay-would not be involved in the organization, which leads to stories with people saying “everything is fine and dandy.” Not to neglect, the kids picked to be on the panel, and G-d bless them for having the guts to do it (in fact-the girl on the panel I know through a friend who goes to I.A. and she took a girl to the formal ball-that’s guts!), were kind of stereotypes of gay people. I believe that these kids reinforced stereotypes about homosexuality. Again, I have the utmost respect for these kids, but the girl was very “butch,” (in that she was more masculine acting than most women) and the guy was sort of feminine. The guy said he met gay people online-which I find to be wrong, and very stereotypical of gay men. I liked the fact that he had a steady boyfriend, so he demonstrated the life was not all about sex, as some believe. He also said all of his friends were girls, which is also a big stereotype of gays. Further, all four people involved said that they or their kids were the “artsy, theatrical” type, which is a very big stereotype of gay people.
Mrs. DeBoer, I do not have the solution for you. I know this is not easy for you to teach, and I would think that you have thought about all I have talked about in this letter before, I just wanted to tell you how I feel. The solution is not an easy one and I am not so sure that the answer is in your hands. Time will heal wounds and hopefully society will become more “tolerant” (although I hate that word-we don’t tolerate African-Americans, we treat them as humans, why can’t we do that for gays?) towards homosexuality. Until then, I hope what I have said makes you understand what I feel, as a 17-year-old, “out,” gay kid at Seaholm.
Because I think you may be interested to know what it is like to be me at Seaholm and in the BPS system, as a gay male in 2003, I would like to share my story. My story is again, not representative of all gay people, for it can only be representative of me. The rumors started when I was in 7th grade. Everyone told me I was gay-I ignored it, in fact I was very upset about it. I believe I tried to prove to myself that I was not gay by chasing around a number of girls who I thought-and who I may have liked. In 8th grade, the rumors got worse. I was called down to the counselor’s office because the (unnamed counselor) had talked to a “number” of parents at conferences who said I “announced” at lunch in the cafeteria that I was gay. I was shocked, as I had done nothing like that. She told me to be upset-to be angry, and to give her permission to talk to my parents for me to tell her who harassed me. I negotiated with her all day long not to let my mom know that people said I was gay-I didn’t want my mom to think that I was a loser or that I was picked on a lot-instead, she was satisfied with a list of names of four people who had mentioned to me that I may be gay. I don’t understand why she had the authority to do something like that and why she was allowed to make the calls. I felt bad when these people were forced to confront me and apologize. In reality, they didn’t do anything wrong and I couldn’t have cared less about it. As time went on, I guess more and more got back to this counselor and she finally sat me down in her office yet again and told her that she would have to call my mom. I stayed in her office all day, refusing to let her call my mom. The assistant principal was called in, the principal was called in, I still refused to let them call my mom. I didn’t care about people talking about me being gay-it is my life, not theirs. Finally, at the end of the day, I gave in. I was extremely humiliated. I still have not forgiven this woman to the day, and I see her still quite frequently in public places. To me, it was like telling my mom I was a loser and a failure. Her opinion meant everything. Of course, she didn’t think anything less of me, but I didn’t feel too good about it.
I realized I was attracted to guys by the time I hit later in 8th grade-it wasn’t a bad thing, it was just something that I felt. I didn’t hate myself for liking guys-I just wondered why I did-and if it was because people always told me I was gay. At the end of 9th grade, I came out to a few friends. I lost one of them, my best friend actually, not because he still didn’t like me, but rather because he was embarrassed of what people will think about him. I suppose it spread exponentially to the point where it was kind of just assumed that I was gay. I didn’t mind it at all, what I did mind is that I found that a lot of people wanted to be friends with me as a result. I was mislead because I went through a long period of time without many friends and I was happy to have people pay attention to me. I found I made a lot of friends-only girls, because they thought it was “chic” or “trendy” to have a gay friend. The point when I realized I was being used is when some girl told me that Cosmopolitan told readers that every girl should have a gay best friend. I reevaluated my friends. I finally made great friends-only girls-that I was truly friends with. This was the time when television shows like “Will & Grace” were becoming popular. The summer after 9th grade, my parents found out. I knew it was too early for them to know, I really didn’t want them too, but it happened anyway. My mom and I went to a restaurant in Royal Oak which was also kind of a gay bar. She told me that she should get me out of there and in turn, I called her closed-minded. I came home and she told my dad, my dad responding by yelling and screaming at me about saying that to my mom, then bashing homosexuality, which then resulted in me crying, and then the inevitable question: “are you gay?” The answer was a silent one, one I didn’t feel like denying and one I didn’t feel like saying yes to. My parents were very upset about it and referred me to a number of counselors and psychologists to help me with my problem. My parents, after a while of dealing with the situation and realizing that they needed help too, accepted the fact that I was gay. It didn’t happen in a day, but it happened to the point where I am now happy with how they take it.
Life at Seaholm being gay for me is not a big deal. I like it and I like the respect that I get for it. I realize Seaholm is a great place to be gay and a place not to be ashamed of it. I also realize the world is not like this, and I also realize that I am respected because I am a strong person who is fun to be around, and someone who is less fun to be around may not be liked as much and may face more harassment. People who may normally harass the “gay kid,” do not bother me, I think, because they feel inferior to me in a lot of ways. If someone was to harass me, I would simply point out to them a reason why I was better than them. It always works in making them shut up. But I also realize I am fortunate in that I have a lot going for me, whereas not everyone else who faces harassment does. Although, I don’t think of a lot of the gay people at Seaholm face much harassment, even though I don’t really interact with them. I recommend to everyone, gay, straight, or whatever to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and tell themselves that they are awesome and that they are just as good as everyone else. It’s a great way to boost confidence in one’s self, and it’s a great way to get respected….especially if you are different.
I truly appreciate what you do and I appreciate the time you took to read this letter. I believe your class is an excellent one, and one I look forward to coming to day after day. I hope this letter educates you about what my feelings are on the subject and tells you about my story.
Sincerely,
Jack W. Miller