Transgressions (11/14+Epilogue)
This photo art was given to me some time ago by Tiaral from asianfanfics for any purpose I so choose. ^_^ I choose it as my photo for this fic (that’s why it doesn’t have the name of the fic like all my other posters) but I think it goes with the overall story. Loved it and finally get to use it! THANK YOU TIARAL!
Title: Transgressions
Author jaceni
Pairing: Minjae, minor onesided yunjae appearance, OC pairing
Genre: Angst, Romance, humor, drama, AU
Rating: NC-17 (some parts just PG-16, but since it’s an incest fic I’ve labeled it NC17)
Warning: ACTUAL INCEST(don't say you weren't warned. If this offends you, please don't read.), yaoi, smut, reluctance, Min!seme, Jae!uke, might be unbelievable?, in a world where innocence can be preserved at a later age than today's youth, minors, etc. Corny?, definitely doses of fluffy moments… Oh, and it only really has 2 scenes that could classify as smut scenes or something as close to it as possible. I’ll let you guess at when it happens. XD Think that's it. ^^
Length: Chaptered (11/14+Epilogue)
Beta: enragedsilver
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters of this story or profit from this story. Any similarity to a story already created is accidental. Please let me know if this story is too much like another you might have read, that way I’m aware of it. ^.^ Ya know, there’s only so many plots out there that won’t clash with other stories from other fandoms, so bare that in mind when reading.
Summary: Who said loving your brother like this was bad? Who were they to draw the line to what was good or bad? They'd shared a womb and so much more... so why couldn't they... no, it was wrong. He shouldn't be thinking this...
Previous Chapter
-Chapter 11-
Jaejoong panted heavily as he came back to himself. He felt the droplets of sweat run down his forehead and into his hair as his flesh goose pimpled from the small draft coming in through the air vents. He could hear Changmin also trying to calm his breathing beside him and he felt a tingle run through his body as he knew that the other was still exposed above the quilts.
Their session today consisted of masturbating three consecutive times, with refractory periods of course, and they were both exhausted. It seemed that no matter how many times they did it, the results were the same. It was the same mind blowing orgasms as it had been the first time and it didn't matter who was the one doing the solo performance.
The only thing that was established was that Jaejoong had more self control than Changmin did.
The first time Jaejoong masturbated, Changmin hadn't been able to control himself and he'd also touched himself without prompting. The mixed sensations had been too much and Jaejoong hadn't lasted long at all. Three days had passed since they began this little therapy and Jaejoong feared that it wasn't helping him at all… at least not in the way Jaejoong had thought initially.
A slight graze or innocent touch from Changmin was proving to be too much for him. He felt the caress more intensely than ever before and if he hadn't climaxed recently he'd get a hard on instantly. The first time Changmin noticed this he'd teased him about it, but as soon as Jaejoong retaliated by also touching him back they noticed that they both had a problem and had to speed up the appointed masturbation session.
He'd felt embarrassed right after it.
He knew… he just knew that that wasn't normal behavior, but he didn't care. He just didn't care. He was tired of fighting this… this thing he felt growing more and more as the days went by. He was tired and now he just wanted to be taken by the current of emotions that assailed him whenever he saw Changmin's face looking at him so intently or when he took care of him as he'd always done. The emotion he felt when his brother just stared at him without saying a word, something akin to shyness and excitement to have his full attention… something that hadn't been on him in what felt like so long. So many conflicting emotions of warmth and heat that mixed together at the weirdest times and that he'd fought for so long but now couldn't care to fight.
Emotions that he was scared to admit were too alike to what loving someone felt like… even if he himself never thought he'd felt it before. But the flashes of tenderness, warmth, and heat he felt towards his brother were too similar to what everyone else describes as love to keep denying that it's a possibility… that he might actually love his brother as something more than a brother.
Who said loving your brother like this was bad? Who were they to draw the line to what was good or bad?
They'd shared a womb and so much more… so why couldn't they-
He was broken from his thoughts when he felt Changmin's warm hand touch his naked cold shoulder, just now realizing he'd been staring off into space and all he was seeing was the white ceiling of his room. He shivered and looked into the eyes of the person he loved most in this and any other life… he was certain. The person he'd go to hell for just to not be separated from him, even before these incestuous thoughts plagued him.
Because Changmin was his older brother and he was his other half, literally. They shared a womb, their lives were intertwined forever, and he wouldn't have it any other way. He knew that now.
When he focused, he realized that Changmin had sat up.
The concern in Changmin's eyes as he silently asked if he was fine brought forth that warmth he was just thinking about. He felt it spread throughout his body, making him feel lighter than air and loved.
"I'm fine." He smiled lightly as he also touched the hand that was on his shoulder, the one he hadn't used to pleasure himself, feeling the warmth spread from his finger tips upward and into his heart. Changmin's hand moved from his shoulder to his face. He caressed his face softly and Jaejoong closed his eyes, leaning into the touch as the feeling of heat that always came after the warmth assaulted him. He just let it run freely, feeling as it travelled to other parts of his anatomy other than his heart.
He heard Changmin clear his throat and stutter, "I-I'll go… shower now. Haha…uhm. See y-you…"
The warmth and heat left him as soon as Changmin disappeared from the room and he curled in on himself.
No, being this close to Changmin, touching him every day and sleeping with him at night hadn't worked out how he had first thought. It didn't numb the sensations their touch brought, it made them more intense if possible. It just made Jaejoong realize once and for all what he'd been feeling all along… and made them cross a line better left uncross… because now, now Jaejoong knew that he loved Changmin. He loved him beyond what was normal or healthy.
No, this is wrong. He shouldn't be thinking this... but it's too late.
"I'm in love with him…" Jaejoong whispered brokenly into the empty room.
****
Changmin felt his heart thudding in his chest frantically and hoped Jaejoong wouldn't feel his anxiety or ask the why of it.
What was that about?!
What had just happened?!
He shakily passed a hand through his hair, feeling his body tremble as he tried to assimilate what he'd just… what he'd… what he'd almost done.
He couldn't believe what he'd almost done.
He placed both palms on his eyes, pressuring hard, to try to stop himself from breaking apart.
He'd almost kissed his own brother. He'd almost kissed his own brother in the mouth as if he was… as if he was his lover. And he knew, he just knew that if he'd managed to taste those plump red lips with his own that he wouldn't have been able to stop himself. He would've done something more terrible, crossed a line that should never be crossed by siblings, if he'd managed to taste the lips he'd fantasized more than was healthy throughout his lifetime.
How could he even think of doing that to him? How could he break Jaejoong's trust like that? Jaejoong, who was leaning trustingly into his hand, without knowing… without knowing how disgusting he was. He was used to these unnatural thoughts by now, but to actually carry them out wasn't something he was willing to do. He couldn't do that to his baby brother, who looked up to him regardless of the fact that they were the same age. Who trusted him to help them through this… who trusted him completely.
How could he taint his brother this way? He'd already tainted him by this god awful link they shared. He'd never wanted to do this to his brother and never wanted to cross the line he'd crossed so many times in his mind.
This was the real world, not his twisted imagination, and he wouldn't condemn his brother to a hell on earth by forming such an unnatural connection with him. Guys who dated other guys were already condemned in the society they lived in, let alone add the burn of blood relations to that equation… he couldn't put Jaejoong through that burden. He wouldn't.
He breathed deeply as he tried to calm down. They couldn't keep doing this. They couldn't keep up with this because then… then something they might both regret later could happen. They had tried, oh how they'd tried in the last four days, but this wasn't working out. They had to stop this and find another solution before… before he did something he regretted for all of his life. He didn't want to lose Jaejoong. If he lost him… he couldn't even think of a world without him.
And lose him he would if he did everything he wanted to do to him.
Changmin inhaled and exhaled once more before removing his hands from his face, feeling the tension drain from his body. He turned on the water and numbly stepped inside. Today, he'd hold Jaejoong in his arms as if it was the last day since… it is the last day. Even if their parents aren't going to be back until the day after tomorrow, Changmin was stopping this. Today he'd allow himself to bask in his brother's scent and warmth. He'd feel his body close one last time before everything went back to the way it use to be before he'd found out about the dilemma they had. They'll forget this ever happen and move on… because otherwise Changmin wasn't sure what he'd be capable of doing.
His heart ached at the thought of not holding Jaejoong's body close at night anymore. Of going back to his lonely room and cold nights.
He shivered at the thought, even as he bathed in warm water. He finished his shower with those morbid thoughts and draped a towel around his waist as he dried his hair with another.
At least these little sessions taught him something… he didn't think he'd ever want to lie down with another warm body that wasn't his brother's. And even as that thought was repulsing to another's eye, to him it felt right. Nobody could compare to Jaejoong, so why try looking for someone who would?
With that thought he went to his room to dress.
Chapter 12
A/N: Yeah baby, almost done. =D Hope you guys enjoyed this little three chapter update. I won't be updating until probably this coming Sunday (Dec. 1). Be prepared for another time skip in the next update.