LOTIONNNNNNNNNNNNN.
Wull hullo strangers, lol...
I know I haven't updated in a while and let me tell ya...I'm paying the price. SO MANY PICTURES, NO TIME!
Finals are coming up starting next week and I'm shittin bricks over here, but I can't bring myself to start studying...SO I'M GOING TO CATCH UP ON MY POSTS! HOLLABACK AT ME Y'ALL!
Alright so a lot has happened...
- We went to Vancouva, got smashed, had an amazing time
- Saw Christina Aguilera and The Pussycat Dolls in concert...unbelievable
- Saw NELLY FURTADO in concert...UNBELIEVABLE, BEST CONCERT EVER.
- Went out for St. Pats...not so unbelievable...
And much more!
Alright you ready for the pictures? GREEN MEANS GO!!!!!
So after suffering weeks of midterms, assignments, and a countless amount of hair loss due to greasy head scratching, we booked it over to VANCOUVER on March 9th for a weekend full of booze, fun, more booze and more fun!
Before we left, though, Melissa had some business to attend to...
Melissa: "I have to go to the bank quickly...to...deposit some cheques...yes..."
Me: "Alright, I'll come in with you."
Melissa: "No it's ok, you can stay here."
Me: "No, it's ok, I'll come."
Melissa: "NO."
Please note the gun-like shape hidden beneath her coat...
Why so sketchy?
Minutes later, since I had to use the bathroom, I decided to go against Melissa's will and enter the bank...as soon as I came in, I saw everybody in the bank face down on the floor with their hands behind their heads and Melissa holding a gun on everyone yelling "EVERYBODY DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh Mel.
She threatened to stun-gun me if I told anyone...so I obviously have kept my mouth shut.
So after robbing the bank (and visiting an ASSHOLE liquor store clerk who wanted to see 48394839 pieces of I.D.), we picked up our favourite APE and headed to the ferries!
Once on the ferry, we found the perfect seats where we formed a Judging Panel.
Twinkle, twinkle little boy...
Peaced-out Mosa and Sly Gavaa
Once upon a time, there was an incredibly Asian, turtleneck-wearing woman with a fat ass... and she went around to all the passengers on the ferry, talking to them like she was their best friend...let me present to you:
We finally lotioned our way off the ferry and on to the bus!
Y u 2 so ~*excited*~?
After a neverending busride that involved a bus so jam-packed with people and luggage, you couldn't even move without getting sexually abused, we FINALLY arrived to UBC to be greeted by a wildly flailing barbaric yetti...who was it, I hear you ask? Well...
Obviously.
Tom Bomb finally showed us her place of residence, which was a very funky and fun abode, I must say!
"What did you say?"
"Did you say DUMPY and FUG?! I WILL EAT YOU FOR SUPPA, MMM AHHH!"
"Oh...funky and fun...sowwy."
Gavin is not impressed...why might you ask?
Maybe it's because he's getting a TIT SHOW from a DEMON! Dear Lord.
STRAPPED.
Some retarded child by the name of Melanie began making some drinks, as it was time to start the festivities!
We literally got there, put our suitcases down, immediately unpacked the booze, and started pounding them back...Alcoholics Anonymous, here we come!
The Kill Twin Children (aka CLONES)
Where are the elder, Professional Assassins? OH! There the Kills are!
"Tomi...DID YOU DRAW THIS."
Ill Child.
Is it just me...or does Melissa look more and more like Gollum with every passing day?
=
?
Gavin landed a movie role as one of the deformed desert mutants in "The Hills Have Eyes 3"!
LOL. Gavin's priceless and Tomi's PLANTED in place taking that picture in the most barbaric way possible. So typical.
Crazed 2002!
Some asian slut in the sweater of the guy she just LAID came in and stole some of our drinks...that WHORE!
Mosa even manages to make a huge sweater look skanky. That's talent.
Inquisitive Gavin and Complacent Tams
This picture SCREAMS "We think we are WAY too hot for you."
This picture SCREAMS "Little Asian and her older, embarassing DYKE sister"
Why Justin, why.
SHOOT.
Blech.
Asshole, Shoe, Wrestler, Asian Hoe.
Indigo had a photoshoot for her new ad running in the new issues of Playboy and on the sidebars of porno sites...
Here's the finished product!
SKANK-TASTIC!
Asia Triple-Tag-Team on Russia...X 4!
Wrestler, Slut and Vulnerability
And again!
Mysterious Wrestler, Extremely Asia and Confused Ape
UVic Posse and Raindrop
Bright & Tight
Tranny and Barbarian
Sup paystub?
I think Gavstar just realized it was his...that or he's disappointed that he forgot to put on LOTIONNNNNNN.
Yup...he forgot the lotionnnnn.
Bus Buds!
It's a Gavin and Tomi RIOT! HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS! It's going to be a bumpy ride...to the other side!
Can you go down low!
LOVE it...sup wonky eye?
UH OH! Don't tell me they let that asian girl bring along her embarassing, dyke sister! UGGGH!
PLEASE DONATE...they need your help.
Surprised Lemony Snicket and Busty Bamphy Toms
We finally then arrived to CELEBRITIES!...but it was abandoned. We still obviously took pictures...what else do we do?
Betty and James reunite, once again!
Betty was quickly shoved out of the picture by some Asian Slut who was obviously desperate to get some sweet love from Gavaa...
Odd Todd's Asian Invasion
Me and my bitches
Look at Mosa long enough, and you'll find out what she would look like BALD. LOL.
Tom Bomb and Clientelle!
Trantown and Barbaria
Skank, in!
Guys...
...and Dolls!
WHAM BAM, IT'S TAM!
"That was fun, GEE HEEEEE!"
And what else do we do when a club is near-empty and playing repetitive techno?
Duh.
Some old woman tried to advance on Gavstar, but he would have none of it and shrugged her off...
And I don't blame him! Would you check out the SINGLE wisp of hair coming from where her hairline USED to be?! Jeez!
So busted.
CRIMESTOPPERS: MUGSHOTS.
Please be on the lookout for this convict. She was arrested under charges of multiple rapes, homicides, child molestations and, above all, prostitution encounters. She also has a keen ability to execute a wide range of dark magic tricks that may leave you spellbound. Please use caution in apprehending this fugitive and BRING HER TO JUSTICE.
Due to the fact that there were basically NO club-goers within a 5-mile radius of Celebrities, we decided to put the clubbing on pause. Instead, Gavin found some Asian hooker...but little did he know she merely had MCC...it was a TERRIBLE sight.
We went to get some pizza...that's when things started to get a little...stubby.
LOL, MOSA!
Wet, wonky-eyed, and stoic.
We then proceeded back to Celebrities, where there were now some people in attendance! HALLELUJAH! Praise the Lord! Get down and pray! Ok that's enough.
Busted Chinaman and Vulnerable Half Breed
The Fuzzball joined the festivities...but found the flashing lights a bit too exhilarating...so Fuzzy had to go back to her Fuzz Chamber.
I fought with a Tranny. So typical.
Me (trying to coatcheck everyone's stuff): "Here's 4 people's stuff."
Tran: "10 dollars."
Me: "But I'm only coatchecking 4 people's things...it should only be eight dollars."
Tran: "10."
Me: "8."
Tran: "10!"
Me: "EIGHT."
Tran: "10 OR TAKE IT ELSEWHERE!!!!"
Me: "EIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!"
Tran: "10!!!!!!!!"
Me: "FINE!!!!!!!!"
It escalated to a full out Tran vs. Tran bitchfight. Not gonna lie...I got PWNED in the end.
LOL @ Gavin's chubby fingers wrapped around a tiny bottle with his HUGE head and tiny body. And another LOL @ Melissa's DISsatisfaction (So I can get my...satisfaction...)
Bamph, Swagger and Bitch
Ok, so one of the funniest things EVER:
Tomi and Gavin jump up on the platform with this lezbot who is INTENSELY dancing with this other girl (pictured in the brown shirt)...things ensued as follows...
Girly in the Brown still lovin it, even though Lezbot is feelin the Tomi vibes...
BarbarianBack Mountain!
Lezbot also took a shine to our one and only Gavstar...please note the subsiding of the Girly in the Brown...
Tomi...why you look so uncomfortable?
The situation started getting fired up when there was some boob grazing...
OOOO! AND SHE'S DOWN FOR THE COUNT.
Uh oh...she's checkin up on it...and by "it", I mean Tomi's crotch.
Girly in the Brown is NOT impressed and ready to TAKE A STAND.
So Tom Bomb booked it outta there like there was a pepperoni stick on the dancefloor...and it was left to Gavin to hold up the Lezbot fort:
Promiscuous!
So after Gavin got down from the platform and left that intense lez with her unsatisfying Girly in the Brown, Melissa got up on the OTHER side of the stage. Let me tell you...I have never seen ANYTHING move as fast as the Lezbot as she RAN to the other side of the platform to grab Melissa!
Uh oh! She's got Mosa lovestoned!
Poor thing...she didn't understand that MOSA does the lesbian attacking...if attacked by a lesbian, she does not respond kindly.
Love that sexy lez. She was the shit.
Gavin + Melissa + Drunkness = Best pictures. Seriously.
So much love.
CELEBRITIES: They're just like US!
Hollywood's Power Couple Melissa Ko and Gavin Duffus were spotted at Celebrities Nightclub in Vancouver, B.C. on March 9th! The two were celebrating the wrapping of their new movie "LOTIONNNNN", co-starring Mimi. They danced, let loose, and had a whole load of fun! Here are the pictures from their wild night!
Gavin is startled by the flash of our cameras!
Uh oh, he doesn't look too happy! Melissa is concerned he might attack the papparazzi, Britney-Spears-with-an-umbrella-and-bald-head style! STARS: They get annoyed...just like US!
Melissa takes a momentary break from dancing, while the crowd realizes who she is and her starpower...STARS: They take a breather...just like US!
Melissa is definitely the kinder of the two, posing for pictures for our cameramen...STARS: They pose for pictures...just like US!
Melissa and Gavin pose with a fan...who just so happens to be World-renowned Champion Wrestler TOM DA BOMB!
Melissa sends us her salutations with this generous gesture! STARS: They point...just like US!
Our reporters found the two young partygoing celebs dancing until the early hours of the morning...STARS: They party hard...just like US!
And that is all for our current edition of STARS: They're just like US! A special thanks to Gavin Duffus and Melissa Ko for letting us into their private lives with our cameras, once again, to show Hollywood life in motion.
FF: Former Fatasses
CRIMESTOPPERS: MUGSHOTS.
The convict Melissa Ko, wanted on charges of rape, murder, magicianry and prostitution, was spotted at Celebrities in Vancouver, B.C. She is armed with wings and MCC, and extremely dangerous.
This picture was taken as the convict was mercilessly punched across the face, much to the surprise of her male escort. As you can see, multiple teeth may have been knocked out during the blow, which was administered by a mysterious, Radition-filled, boil-faced fatty suspiciously named "Romaniuk".
If anyone has seen her, please contact your local police.
What IS that?
Ohhhh, it's TOMI!
The many sides of the Tamar:
Mysterious Toms
Lazy Toms
Seductive Toms
...and many more.
And that brought an end to our fun-filled night!
Little did we know it was just the beginning of an endless streak of alcoholism, as you will see in the next few days...
THE END.
"FUCK ESTER!"