Back OFF you son of a bitch!
HOLA! ...yeah I can't pull that off. Whatever, yo tango espelda.
Anyway, welcome to my NEW YEAR'S 2006/2007 POST! It's going to be a classy, funny and fugly ride, so buckle up because here we GO!
So on New Year's Eve, I picked up Gavin and we headed on over to the helijet to pick up Miss That's-the-way-Survivor! It was SO good seeing her again and we had such a fun time!
Best:
Arshia: "I have to take the ferry tomorrow because they're not flying out! HOW STUPID IS THAT."
Gavin: "Arshia?! YOU?! THE FERRY?! No way."
Me: "She's definitely going to be looking at everybody going 'ugh. You low-lifes...gravel at my feet."
and
(as we drive into the empty upper level of the parkade) Arshia: "Oh God, it's Saskatchewan."
Oh! And she made up a new word: Flambunctious. God she's a treat.
First thing was first...we headed downtown and got FOOD to fill our potbellies at Irish Times (we all ordered the same thing...and we're all brown...I don't know, just seems so uniform. HAHA)!
Brown in the Downtown! (Literally, all of these happened in a 10-second time span...my camera was on FIRE!)
Please everybody...give a warm welcome to...
The newest addition to the ILL PARTY! GAVIN DUFFUS!
Dakota, Kirsten, Natalia and I have a new partner-in-illness! WOO!
So after an unsuccessful shopping trip for new New Year's clothes, we booked it outta there and hit up Uplands for some pictures.
Firmly planted.
It was so slippery...yet we ventured out on to the rocks. I think we may have a deathwish.
I'm an unready fug, but the background was too gorge to resist posting:
Happy Days
Watch Arshia 1,2-step!
Dance it out Arshia, dance it out!
While we were posing for pictures, we came across to mentally challenged children jumping for joy...just tugs at your heartstrings, doesn't it?
They need your help.
Uh oh! Another member so soon?! Everybody, once again, I would like to introduce a new member of...
THE ILL PARTY! ARSHIA FARHANGI, EVERYONE! SHOW HER SOME LOVE!
Wow, the list just keeps getting bigger! We need to come up with a slogan..."Just chill, BE ILL!"
So following one final slaughter of the jumping pics...
We quit that shit and sped off into the sunset.
We came home to my house, partied to Nelly Furtado, and rushed on outta there! But not before Arshia got her sneak on:
My dad then drove us over to the outlet mall, where I bought some new clothes for New Year's (AOWAOW!), and then to Mister Gavstar's house! Following a clean-up session, some Nelly Furtado-dancing, and some lazy-assing, we finally stepped up to the plate and GOT READY!
Remember when Gavin was attacked by those two incredibly ecstatic Trannies in Vancouver?
Well...the trans sent in their Tran-in-Training to attack him...but he's so used to it now that he replied to the assault with nothing but smarm:
Cheers!
Kuklinski!
Arshia's New Year's Resolution #1: Become a Bucky Beaver
Persian Mother
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
While waiting for the others to arrive, Gavstar, "It's the Waiting" and I downed wine and dance partied it up!
"You...you are flambunctious and rambouyant."
It wasn't long until we were joined by the lovely Miss Esling and the dazzling Miss Ko!
Beer: The Drink of Men
Uh oh...Melissa forgot to put on her prosthetic finger for the night...looks like everybody going to have to deal with the chopped-off finger.
P & P: Persia & Poland!
BAM BAM BAM! GROUP PICS! Viewer's Choice, take your pick:
Loves it.
Arshia's New Year's Resolution #2: Become as Asian as possible
The Brown Siblings!
Fantastic Four, again and again!
B & W Lesbos
Arshia's New Year's Resolution #3: Be a cuddle-monster
Hey, it's us!
BOW! The Bombastic Priya burst into the scene!
Well, apparently while we weren't looking, Melissa got trashed and Natalia got botox. Oh girls...
Better!
Melissa: "Justin, you look like a magician tonight and I look like your assistant!" HAHA, so true. It's usually the other way around!
So we WERE going to catch the 10:30 bus, but after a bunch of deliberation, we were grabbing to-go bottles and scurrying to catch the 9:30 one...and thank GOD we did (it was so busy once we got there!)
30-year-old Bus Stop Buddies
Loves it, looks like we're in Montreal or something, haha!
So we got downtown, and stood on the corner of the street sipping from a HUGE Nalgene full of sourpuss and vodka (nasty...but actually not bad...if that makes sense). We then decided to stand in line, when all of a sudden, as I'm taking a sip of the Nalgene that Gavin just so HURRIEDLY handed to me (asshole!), Natalia violently whispers "JUSTIN. JUSTIN. JUSTIN.", to which I was oblivious. Next thing I know...
Cop: "Is that alcohol?"
Me: "AOUM...it's sourpuss."
Cop: "Is that alcohol?"
Me: "I think so."
Cop (to Priya, after spilling out the Nalgene): "Is that alcohol?" (in her water bottle)
Priya: "YES."
Thank God we didn't get any fines! Oh God, please! At least he was nice about it. And then, ANOTHER gong show happened:
Bouncer: "If you don't have a ticket, you're NOT GETTIN IN! SORRY!"
Melissa: "Ok wow."
Now...that wouldn't be a problem...except for the fact that Melissa didn't have a ticket! (Earlier...Melissa (to Marius): "Yeah...I'm just gonna go with Justin and my friends...they know what they're doing so..." What a bitch, LOVE IT! So happy she came!)
3 seconds after the announcement...
People in front of us: "We're sellin THREE TICKETS!"
Gavin and I: "We'll take ONE!"
People: "No! ALL THREE!"
Gavin and I: "NO! ONE!"
People: "Fine."
Gavin and I: "We'll give you $15."
People: "20!"
Gavin and I: "Fine."
I love how we were bargaining even though we were the LUCKIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET at that moment. So brown. HAHA
Bottom Line: THANK GOD WE TOOK THE EARLY BUS.
So the Bavarian Beefcake hauled ass over to Plan B from Irish Times (I think?)...and I mean actually hauled ass...like I saw a Barbaric dot in the distance that became TAMAR very soon after. AND WE WERE ON OUR WAY IN TO CELEBRATE!
All my girls at the bar gonna get fired up!
Polish Chipmunk, Persian Cat and Half-Breed Ape
Joan and Jane of Arc celebrate their 8th (soon to be 9th) year of sisterhood!
Worried Mosa and her #9
Chicky in the back checks up on it...and is troubled by what she sees.
Chinese Boy, Persian Sexpot, and Mixed-Breed Antelope
Give me a FOUR!
Tomi kills me in the last one...BUSTY BAMPHY TOMS.
Have another, all around.
Arshia Farhangi Bu Bu Bu and some Tran
Blue Eyes and Red Eye
Uh oh! Tomi's dress slipped off! PEEP SHOW.
Gavin: "TAKE A PICTURE!"
Priya, where you goin!
All you crazy people, come on jump around!
No...wait...who is that?
Wait...no...it can't be...but it must be! A radius cleared on the dancefloor, pleather outfit, obvious wig, "Ima pound yo ass" arms...*GASP*...
IT'S SHERRY!!!!!!
Flashback to outside while Gavin and I wait for Tomi...
So we hear the clicking of $5 heels and see a blonde wig and a tight pleather dress...
Gavin: "OH MY FUCKING GOD JUSTIN IT'S SHERRY."
We couldn't believe our eyes. We had been saying ALL night how funny it would be if we ran into Sherry again...AND OUR WISH CAME TRUE!
Gavin: "Liz is going to be SO jealous."
Back to the present...after spotting Sherry on the dancefloor...
Gavin: "Justin, do something! SHE'S GOING AWAY!"
Me (panicking): "HEY! DO YOU REMEMBER LIIIIZ?!"
Sherry: "LIZ?! OF COURSE."
Me: "I'm her boyfriend, remember?"
Sherry: "OH YES DOLL, OF COURSE!"
Me: "She's not here though!"
Sherry: "OH NO!"
SHERRY LOVES LIZ. ACTUALLY. BFF'S.
Gavin OBVIOUSLY wanted in so...
Gavin: "Hey Sherry! PICTURE!"
Sherry (after the picture was taken): "The people who look at that picture are gonna be like 'is that a guy or a girl?'"
That make-up is so pro.
There was another 20-minute screamfest with the friends...SHERRY, YOU COMPLETE US. TRANS 4 LIFE.
Melissa has an intense secret, and she will NOT be telling anyone.
Time for another edition of...STARS: THEY'RE JUST LIKE US.
So our insider spotted the world famous Gavin Duffus and Melissa Ko out partying the night away for New Year's Eve at Plan B in Victoria! Celebrities, you gotta love em!
The pair brought along their close friend, who remained anonymous and only gave out the name "Traffic Cones"...she hid her face from the cameras as Gavin tried to protect her from the watchful paparazzi eye...
The two even took time to pose with some big fans of theirs! What good sports!
My loves, HEY!
Time for the OBLIGATORY POLE PICS!
Tomi: "Ok, Melissa, here's what we're gonna do."
Melissa: "Ohhh, ok ok ok."
Tomi: "We look down flirtatiously like this..."
Melissa: "Ohhh, ok ok ok."
Tomi: "Then out to the crowd like this..."
Melissa: "Ohhhh, ok ok ok."
Tomi: "Yeah, you got it!"
Melissa: "I know."
Tomi: "Your elbow smells nice."
Melissa (thinking): "Is that the woman whose child I killed yesterday?"
Melissa (thinking): "I'm gonna go find out...and maybe kill her too..."
Tomi (thinking): "Sweet ass. Shake that thang. Mmm."
BANG! The pole has another occupant by the name of GAVSTAR!
Meanwhile, down low, the girls get jiggy with it...
...and Natalia gets a new hairdo...it's called the "Wild Mane"...you love it? Priya does.
Peeking Persia
Me and "Rock with a Head" or "Lump with a Head"...whichever you prefer.
Due to the fading out of an arm crease, Tomi looks like a lump. Slaughters me everytime I look at it.
Annoying fingers aside, loves this pic of the Three Amigos!
And again!
Get down, get down, and move it all around!
Gavin's cut off.
Frundly Futters
Mosa = melting wax.
Tool and Sauce:
Gavin and Sauce:
And again! BONK!
I was jealous, so I "Girl, Interrupted" the pic:
Gavin: "Is dat choo?"
But wait...there's something very...angry about this pic...
OH GOD, PLEASE!
Mosa! WHY YOU HATIN ON ME?! BITCH, PLEASE. No, but seriously...such candid anger...I wonder what I did...pictures reveal our secrets.
Me and my Bestest Bud:
Loves the Gavstar.
Tomi wafts through the scene...
and Arshia follows suit...
Arshia wins the Waft contest.
Chicky behind Melissa likes her ass on Friday while Arshia checks out chicky's bod. Meanwhile, Mosmie scratches the lice in her hair that she got from the streetchild she murdered on the way over to Gavin's...oh, and Natalia just saw a UFO.
Natalia and Melissa stay focused while Gavin and Arshia fall in love with Mr. Dirty Blond:
Attention please! Thank you.
Arshia. That means you too. Oh, and Natalia: why you so pissed? She gonna cut me in my sleep.
OMFG, these two were COMPLETELY...
They were ALL over the place, and slamming into everyone...shortly after midnight, he got thrown out (literally) by the bouncers...right into a 40-something year old woman who was also drunk-as-shit and COMPLETELY wiped out on to the sidewalk (Gavin saw the whole thing. I'm jealous.)
It's Traffic Spat, in yo world!
Gavin flexes his pipes (with a limp wrist...) while Priya shimmies and Girl in the back practices her BJ skills...OK EW. I'm sorry.
What up yo!
Tomi elbows Gavaa (he's kinda enjoying it, by the looks of it!) and Natalia puckers up
Ok, Natalia = Lilo in the last pic, Y/N?
BIRRRTSAY BUDDSIES!
Then the New Year's countdown happened! I was very busy gathering up the complimentary champagne for the friends and fighting drunk hands for the glasses. In the end, everybody got some, thank God! (some people got more than some...ahem Gavin...). I grabbed the last two just in time, as some guy reached for them...
Guy: "They're mine!"
Me: "Nooope."
And I just took them. Peace out budday.
We then went outside to make the New Year's phonecalls, where some chick was like "HEY! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" like she knew me forever and ever amen.
Natalia: "Who the HELL was that."
Me: "I dunno."
IT'S THE YEAR 2007! TIME TO RING IT IN WITH SOME POLE DANCING!
"Oh it's 2007! A FRESH START...AND FRESH KILLS!"
"YEAH! TIME TO KILL!"
Melissa looks like the awkward outsider who wasn't really invited but came anyway:
Little Chinese Child and Trantastic Olive...aka THE KILLS
Uh oh...the Magician is doing a trick on his assistant to ring in the new year!
He needs his hat first though...
ABRA CADABRA!
And she was in a trance that made her HOT FOR REG. YES.
Priya: "Natalia, feel my Andre finger!"
Natalia: "I dunno..."
Melissa: "IS THAT REG?!"
Chipmunk on E!
Aww...I'm sorry Natalia got so sick after that night...like DEATHLY sick. Poor thing.
Girls girls girls!
The Indian couple in the back got lost on their way to a reception. Poor things, so misplaced. I bet they kept wondering where the bhangra was.
We then said our goodbyes to Mosa, Natalia and PRIYA (who was leaving for Paris VERY SOON AFTER! BOW!)...we took a moment to mourn their absense...
OK! MOMENT'S OVER.
Gavin: "Here's lookin at you bud."
Arshia and Ape
Cherry Chums
That green light is so "waiting for thoonight...ohhh OH!"
Grade 5 Fatasses Who Became Skinny...X2!
Me and my lovers:
Angel Eyes, Tooly Ape, and BIGGEST TRAN EVER means...
Time to peace out.
We then ended the night with some drunken outdoor pictures with my light display...
...a humongous amount of pizza and water, and one final haggard picture to cap off NEW YEAR'S 2006/2007 and Arshia's Visit!
January 1st was just a gong show of driving and stress, so don't even get me started.
Well that was our New Year's! Hate us or love us, admit it...you know it was fun. LOVES NEW YEAR'S! LOVES YOU ALL!
Oh shit, it's Upgrayedd...I gotta get outta here.