Get that corn outta ma face!
Ggggghey!
Surprised to see me again so soon? Well then FUCK YOU TOO! I can post fast, alright? Don't underestimate me just because I used to be a fat whore.
Alright, let's get our freak on!
Let's first just note how flossy flossy glamorous Gavaa and I were while awaiting the arrival of my parents at the ferries by sitting on my car in the sunshine listening to his iPod.
Now on to more pressing matters...these are photos from when our beloved CHEESEFEST (aka Jessica Hottie Hopkins) turned 19!!! If you thought this bitch was crazy before being legal, just wait until you see the 19-year-old Cheesy! HOLD ON TO YOUR HUSBANDS, LADIES!
Please give Gavin and I our props for the amazing wrapping:
So for the Hottie's birthday, we went up to the Sticky Wicket and played volleyball in a rooftop beach! It was very hot and very fun! (note: Gavin's pictures from the day are mixed in here as well)
It's yo bday
Rooftop Beach Buddies!
So pro, it's not even funny.
Priya wins for volleyball outfit and legs of the year.
German Swimteam is BUFF, PUMPED, and READY TO KICK SOME ARSE!
Oh shit, she WENT for that one!
Props to Priya for capturing this GEM.
Let's take a closer look at the aggressive midget who ended up eating sand:
Outcome? Liz: "So I'm taking this too seriously, I need to relax."
WINNER.
Volley that ball y'all!
Jess serves that shit, gimp-style
Melissa and her #2 play hard-to-get...
Jess: "Whatever, she totally wants me."
Individuals!
SHAZAM! It's Ape!
SHAZAM! It's Sauce!
SHAZAM! It's Gollum!
SHAZAM! It's Box!
SHAZAM! It's Cheese!
Jess is workin her new hat.
Jess is workin the butch.
The Living Dead
We smelled the stench of booze, perfume, and little boys...who else could it be but...MAY AND JUNE!
Cheer up, Liz!
Time for GIFT OPENING! HURRAH!
"What the fuck is this stupid shit?"
Jess brings granny back with her husky and deformed images!
Surprise!
Daddy's Little Girl!
A "My 1st Birthday" bag...take one guess who that's from.
Yep you're right...it was Mosa.
Hevar...
Sup Jess?
So we're sitting and eating lunch/dinner when Jess's new boyfriend walks in and recites a poem to her! (btw, I still have to send you the video Jess!)
Priya's lovin it!
Uh oh! Looks like Cheesy's turning into a grumpy bump...
So he wrapped up quickly and swept her off her feet!
Cute couple.
The whole crew
Melissa's burger was better than Liz's...which resulted in a disgusting amount of...
We hit up Starbucks and lounged after our intense volleyball game (aka swatting the ball around and diving for no reason)...
Best moment in Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory:
Jess: "Oh my God, look at this...a BAG of caramel..."
Liz: "Oh shit."
I came outside to find Gavaa and Liz with their new hot bitch
Jess, Liz, Priya and Gavin
That bear is in HEAVEN right now.
Totally copped a feel...what a sicko.
Liz: "Come here, you piece of shit, we wanna take a picture with you!"
LOL. WTF.
So it just so happened that Jess's birthday fell on the same day as the Symphony Splash! Victoria comes out in HOARDS for every event they can, so obviously the entire city was there, even though half of those in attendance HATE classical music.
We claimed a so-so spot on the lawn of the Empress...however, little did we know that Mr. and Mrs. Bitchy McGee were sitting RIGHT in front of us. During the symphony, even though EVERYBODY around us was talking and yelling, they turn around and go "Excuse me, are you hear to listen to the music or talk? Can you keep it down?" Well, we didn't.
Jess: "I love how I called it the GAY COUNCIL! HAHA!" That pretty much pushed them over the edge, so they got up in moved. SUCKAS!
Can we talk about my tooth? Wow.
I should become a hillbilly.
BFF's!
The Cheese was cold, so she snuggled into my jacket as I froze...bitch.
Rockin On at Symphony Splash in Front of the Empress with Sunglasses on in the Dark
At intermission, we found what we had been looking for...oh we shuww did!
Our good old friend from last year! Asszilla's sister!
Ugh. SHE showed up.
We found a new hotspot for about 10 seconds before some taking-his-job-way-too-seriously Symphony Splash volunteer said we need to clear the area.
Please Donate.
They need your help.
Jess performed a collection of songs...
LOL...AOUM...
Jess and Liz tie for the funniest.
After the symphony, we hit up Irish Times for a few drinks!
Luss, Ji, and Sauce
Throughout this post, Jess and I manage to look like a 30-something couple who have been dating for about 3 and a half years. Proof:
Antelope and Ape!
Yogi and Cheese
Par-tay.
Jess doesn't understand why she's so husky.
Oh girls, you can run, but you can't hide!
They look like meek, sad little girls! Nice try to avoid the picture...A for effort?
We heard "ARE YOU 12 OR YOUNGER?! COME HERE BIG BOY!" and knew right away...May and June were in the building.
Lemon Drop!
Julie didn't get the memo.
Park It
All signs point to YES.
Genius.
Going Up? Going Down?
Jess was being a good samaritan all day and telling people not to pay in the parkade, since it was a Sunday. She was the Parking Whore.
Alright, so moving right along from that day...a few days later, Gavaa, Jiyez, Jessica and I hit up The Reef for some drinks!
Jules and Gavstar
I repeat: 30-somethings who have been dating for 3 and a half years.
Another day, Gavin and I canoed it up
Content.
FOR THE WIN. LOVE IT.
That night, Jess and Priya happened upon Gavin's house to pre-drink to go to Upstairs!
Jess smells my toot.
Wild & Depressing.
Drink up, boys and girls!
HA! For once, it's not MY shirt that's resting on my ghetto booty!
We then mosied on over to the bus stop, where pictures OBVIOUSLY happened during the waiting period:
Cutes
It's a Jess and Justin EXTRAVAGANZA!
Fave:
"Haha, she so crrrazy."
Jess works hard for her money.
We arrived downtown to find a content Korean and a GLEEFUL barbarian!
After a minor incident involving too much alcohol and Jess, where there was water pouring, bottle throwing, RAPID stair descending, rope tripping, and intensely fast cab-catching, we went into Upstairs to shake our asses!
Sidenote: I slipped on a beer bottle and landed FLAT on my back in the middle of the dancefloor...runs in the family.
Why so troubled, Anna?
We made a dance circle worshipping Anna's sweatshirt
Julie is a shy asian, Gavin is a sneaky little one, and Toms is busty bamphy.
Gavin gets blinded by the light while Tomi does a pitstop
Tomi and I were supposed to be in this...which promps the phrase: Good aim Priya. Have another.
And that's all for today folks! I'm going to post again in the next few days, so get ready for it!
Sweet dreams!