My Uncertainty
I've had a few realizations lately, and I don't know how I feel about them, or even know what they mean, if anything.
More and more people I know are becoming engaged. It's a mildly unsettling sight to see acquaintances getting married off while I am nowhere near that step in life. And I am completely comfortable with where I am in my own life. Yet still I feel as though I missed some memo or something; as if I never received a telegram reading, "Attention all stop. This just in stop. The time has come for everyone to find the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with stop. So get engaged now stop."
I'll admit I really enjoy having someone that I'm very close to, in a romantic sense. Being single has been great, and still is great, but I would be equally happy (maybe more, but I won't dwell on that) if I had someone in my life, someone special that I was committed to, and who was committed to me. I found an old picture of Kelley and me in my room yesterday when I was cleaning up and reorganizing, and I had a quick pang right by my heart. It's pretty wild how romance is always about the heart, and though biologically that makes no sense (the brain usually takes care of emotions and thoughts), I am sure I felt a pain right in my chest. Interesting...
I recently talked to someone else from my past, and they said that they are relatively certain they will marry their current significant other. While this wasn't a complete shock to hear, it still rattled me. It's unsettling when a door in your life completely closes and there's no going back, period.
I have a knack for getting to know someone, then ending things, and the next guy in their life is one they stay with for a very long time, even forever. Past girlfriends, flings, you name it, after we part ways they all go and find something special. I don't know what to make of that.
I truly am happy. There are just some things that make me uncertain. I wonder if there's something missing.
More and more people I know are becoming engaged. It's a mildly unsettling sight to see acquaintances getting married off while I am nowhere near that step in life. And I am completely comfortable with where I am in my own life. Yet still I feel as though I missed some memo or something; as if I never received a telegram reading, "Attention all stop. This just in stop. The time has come for everyone to find the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with stop. So get engaged now stop."
I'll admit I really enjoy having someone that I'm very close to, in a romantic sense. Being single has been great, and still is great, but I would be equally happy (maybe more, but I won't dwell on that) if I had someone in my life, someone special that I was committed to, and who was committed to me. I found an old picture of Kelley and me in my room yesterday when I was cleaning up and reorganizing, and I had a quick pang right by my heart. It's pretty wild how romance is always about the heart, and though biologically that makes no sense (the brain usually takes care of emotions and thoughts), I am sure I felt a pain right in my chest. Interesting...
I recently talked to someone else from my past, and they said that they are relatively certain they will marry their current significant other. While this wasn't a complete shock to hear, it still rattled me. It's unsettling when a door in your life completely closes and there's no going back, period.
I have a knack for getting to know someone, then ending things, and the next guy in their life is one they stay with for a very long time, even forever. Past girlfriends, flings, you name it, after we part ways they all go and find something special. I don't know what to make of that.
I truly am happy. There are just some things that make me uncertain. I wonder if there's something missing.