(no subject)
Just realized what bothers me about people, when I regress into being bothered by silly things. It's their youth. I have many friends who are 3-5 years younger than me. I keep telling these people, wait, just wait, we've only hardly barely scratched the surface of our relationship, and I'm so excited to know you today, tomorrow, next week, next year, and for the rest of my life, and I suppose it just hurts when I feel the certainty from you that not only do you not feel the same way, but if I were to not contact you today, tomorrow, for a week, for a year, for the rest of my life, you would not notice and if you did give it half a thought you dismiss it becuase you will at the time have other friends, sure. Why wouldn't you? You're beautiful, smart, etc. Of course you'll have friends! You'll always have friends! Geographically convenient friends who satisfy some urge, some part of you, which is all well and good, and I'm happy for you, but have I never satisfied any part of you? Am I so forgettable? Do I do nothing for you? When we speak, is it just wobble womp wobble noise bouncing off the walls of your preoccupied brain? Is that why I feel so beat up? Because I feel your preoccupations beating the shit out of me inside your head? If I may quote Kanye West: "They say I speak with so much emphasis/Oooooo they so sensitive!"
Don't get me wrong, I realize in the grand scheme of things I'm nothing and you're nothing, but I still realize that inbetween our two eternal darknesses (birth-death) there is a whole lot of love to be had, and I see little reason to spend it wasting it playing a game, hiding. Still...I do. We all do. But man, make a goddamn effort at least.
Don't get me wrong, I realize in the grand scheme of things I'm nothing and you're nothing, but I still realize that inbetween our two eternal darknesses (birth-death) there is a whole lot of love to be had, and I see little reason to spend it wasting it playing a game, hiding. Still...I do. We all do. But man, make a goddamn effort at least.