Boldly going forward still don't have reverse.
I mentioned in a post prior about my becoming a priest and why I had in part what was the final straw to accept my calling so to speak. I'm being shown exactly what I can do for my fellow man with each passing moment. The honors most don't know until death do they part in full. How their deeds, their words, and their being impacts lives. I've been shown on a scale I couldn't have imagined. Like a domino effect, beginning with something my mom had once told me that sticks with me even to this moment. I've been propelled forward ready or not to ends that even the wisest of man couldn't see.
From friends here and not on this side of existence...they propel me like a rocket. Showing me the power I have to make a difference when I on personal levels have felt so powerless and helpless. Still shooting forward beyond my wildest dreams and not even fully of my readiness to begin to process it all.
It's like....if you can imagine with me in a very cartoony way, being by a speeding train...and being launched with it while splatted up against it unharmed because like toons they can withstand any force only to return to their slapstick antics. Yet, they never show you where they went on said train ride. I feel like I got transported to a strange foreign land at such a velocity and in a blink of an eye. One moment I was just a plain guy sitting in my rut wondering why I'm even here.....to now, being a priest, an armchair councilor, and a rock that people literally rely upon. Going, "Huh? Wait? What?!" Still dizzy and seeing the proverbial stars circling my head from the train smack...and the rocket skates on your feet that you can't get off working on their own to just keep you moving and a shaking.
Here I am....like the title says, boldly going forward....reverse isn't an option anymore. Obviously the breaks are broken on this rig up too. From zero to light speed in the blink of an eye, not being sure of where you're going and only aware that you're getting to where you're supposed to be at an indescribable rate. It's scary, awe inspiring, and beyond any roller coaster ride anyone could dream up. The lord father God, and the gods and goddesses below Him....are showing me the way to everything I only imagined and hoped with the tiniest speck of hope....and beyond anything I ever knew feasible. Only reason I know I've not gone to never never land again is because nothing has physically changed in my life yet....the sun rises and sets, I do my daily routines of games and socializing via the internet and texts.....but, the emptiness, hopelessness, and powerlessness I felt inside.....is not only being filled up to full....but overflowing.
Years prior, the world got turned upside down, and I broke mentally. I've feared that place I was so very long ago from the moment I recovered in the hospital....to this very moment. I'd think I was insane again if it wasn't for the confirmation...from each and every being my life since that point has touched and the medicine I take like I should to combat the chemical imbalances that caused that moment of yesteryear. Since then, I've been through and witnessed some pretty horrific and on the flip side....amazing things that it would take me months to begin to put into this blog. If I wrote all of the experiences I've had in my life both physical and perceived and felt....my autobiography if published would be on the science fiction shelf of a books a million because if I hadn't witnessed it, seen it, felt it, experienced it.....I wouldn't believe half of what I've lived through.
I don't know where this journey of mind, body, and spirit....is going but, ironically, as curious as I am to see what ends....I think to River Song from Dr. Who...and go meh...."Spoilers" I'll know when I get there and be on my way...maybe even kicking and screaming part of the way as I'm being drug along....but....I'll get there and be of sound mind on the journey....even the parts I personally don't like. Even as I sit here trying to process where I am emotionally...and I want to laugh and cry all at the same time. I'm scared but, in that same breath....I know I'm safe and sound in my mind, in my body, and in my home so not really afraid. I'm astounded at what I've managed to accomplish in the lives of those around me and most times unwittingly just doing as I know how to do. The chorus sounding off, one after another, after another....of lives....I personally have made a difference in.....I'd not have thought in my dizziest daydreams how deep and profound that rabbit hole went. I've always been loved, cared about, and encouraged by many different sources. However, to know what I've done, to arrive at these ends.....I...I can't begin to put to words.
All the suffering, I've endured personally. All the suffering I've witnessed and guided friends and loved ones throughout my life through and in some instances not even being physically present but in their mind and heart...carrying people through their darkest moments.....and knowing it for fact....there's no words to put to the joy, honor, and personal satisfaction this news ringing over and over again.....has brought me. I don't even know how I make it through some days...and yet, I'm carrying others through theirs....how would you feel if you at this very moment knew what a difference you made...when you felt useless and broken all the while? How would you describe that? Are there even words in -any- language spoken on this plane of existence for the lump sum feeling? I just don't know any right now.
Be well everyone and peace always be with you.
From friends here and not on this side of existence...they propel me like a rocket. Showing me the power I have to make a difference when I on personal levels have felt so powerless and helpless. Still shooting forward beyond my wildest dreams and not even fully of my readiness to begin to process it all.
It's like....if you can imagine with me in a very cartoony way, being by a speeding train...and being launched with it while splatted up against it unharmed because like toons they can withstand any force only to return to their slapstick antics. Yet, they never show you where they went on said train ride. I feel like I got transported to a strange foreign land at such a velocity and in a blink of an eye. One moment I was just a plain guy sitting in my rut wondering why I'm even here.....to now, being a priest, an armchair councilor, and a rock that people literally rely upon. Going, "Huh? Wait? What?!" Still dizzy and seeing the proverbial stars circling my head from the train smack...and the rocket skates on your feet that you can't get off working on their own to just keep you moving and a shaking.
Here I am....like the title says, boldly going forward....reverse isn't an option anymore. Obviously the breaks are broken on this rig up too. From zero to light speed in the blink of an eye, not being sure of where you're going and only aware that you're getting to where you're supposed to be at an indescribable rate. It's scary, awe inspiring, and beyond any roller coaster ride anyone could dream up. The lord father God, and the gods and goddesses below Him....are showing me the way to everything I only imagined and hoped with the tiniest speck of hope....and beyond anything I ever knew feasible. Only reason I know I've not gone to never never land again is because nothing has physically changed in my life yet....the sun rises and sets, I do my daily routines of games and socializing via the internet and texts.....but, the emptiness, hopelessness, and powerlessness I felt inside.....is not only being filled up to full....but overflowing.
Years prior, the world got turned upside down, and I broke mentally. I've feared that place I was so very long ago from the moment I recovered in the hospital....to this very moment. I'd think I was insane again if it wasn't for the confirmation...from each and every being my life since that point has touched and the medicine I take like I should to combat the chemical imbalances that caused that moment of yesteryear. Since then, I've been through and witnessed some pretty horrific and on the flip side....amazing things that it would take me months to begin to put into this blog. If I wrote all of the experiences I've had in my life both physical and perceived and felt....my autobiography if published would be on the science fiction shelf of a books a million because if I hadn't witnessed it, seen it, felt it, experienced it.....I wouldn't believe half of what I've lived through.
I don't know where this journey of mind, body, and spirit....is going but, ironically, as curious as I am to see what ends....I think to River Song from Dr. Who...and go meh...."Spoilers" I'll know when I get there and be on my way...maybe even kicking and screaming part of the way as I'm being drug along....but....I'll get there and be of sound mind on the journey....even the parts I personally don't like. Even as I sit here trying to process where I am emotionally...and I want to laugh and cry all at the same time. I'm scared but, in that same breath....I know I'm safe and sound in my mind, in my body, and in my home so not really afraid. I'm astounded at what I've managed to accomplish in the lives of those around me and most times unwittingly just doing as I know how to do. The chorus sounding off, one after another, after another....of lives....I personally have made a difference in.....I'd not have thought in my dizziest daydreams how deep and profound that rabbit hole went. I've always been loved, cared about, and encouraged by many different sources. However, to know what I've done, to arrive at these ends.....I...I can't begin to put to words.
All the suffering, I've endured personally. All the suffering I've witnessed and guided friends and loved ones throughout my life through and in some instances not even being physically present but in their mind and heart...carrying people through their darkest moments.....and knowing it for fact....there's no words to put to the joy, honor, and personal satisfaction this news ringing over and over again.....has brought me. I don't even know how I make it through some days...and yet, I'm carrying others through theirs....how would you feel if you at this very moment knew what a difference you made...when you felt useless and broken all the while? How would you describe that? Are there even words in -any- language spoken on this plane of existence for the lump sum feeling? I just don't know any right now.
Be well everyone and peace always be with you.