Season 1, Episode 4.
Picard: --close contact with--
Riker *grabs Worf's arm JUST as Picard says close contact*
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LOL GEORDI COMMENTING ON EVERYTHING
"Breaks my heart. Hell-oo stranger."
Data: Geordi, do you wish to mate with the Ferengi ship?
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Data: As you know, Ferengi technology is estimated to be equal with our own. I am, of course, superior to both.
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Picard: Lieutenant Yar, what do your sensors show?
Tasha: IDK, they only told me what to press to blow things up.
Data: LIKE MY HEART
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Picard: Engineering. (no response) ENGINEERING. (still no response) Why aren't they answering?
Engineers *having a space Jenga party*
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Troi: I'm sensing nothing, which may mean they can shield their thoughts and emotions.
Picard: It could also mean you're a PHONY.
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Riker: WHAT REPORTS DON'T CONFLICT
Data: Yell at me some more, sir, I'm sure that'll get me to cooperate. *starts reading Lady Chatterly's Lover*
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OH GOD DATA CLOSE-UPS TOO GORGEOUS <3
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Riker: Yankee traders, I like the sound of that.
You like the sound of everything.
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Worf: Uncle who?
Data *slowly starts looking away*
Worf: DATA
Data *continues to look away slowly*
Worf: DATA PLEASE
Data *has reached fully facing forward position*
Worf: DATA TELL ME WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
Data *smug indifference*
Worf: DON'T BE A DICK I'M TRYING TO FIT IN
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LOL Data mentioning Germans and Italians and pissing off Picard.
Data: REMEMBER HOW FRANCE ALWAYS GOT CONQUERED
Picard: AT LEAST OUR FLAG USED COLORS PROPERLY
Data: Too bad the German flag was up half the time.
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Fucking Picard changing the subject and confusing Data.
Picard: THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT FLAGS
Data: But you brought it--
Picard: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE FERENGI
Data: But Ferengi aren't French or--
Picard: FERENGI, DATA
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Riker: BOTTOM line, Geordi.
Geordi *bunch of explanation*
Riker *dramatically pushes himself away from table and paces because he doesn't understand any of what Geordi said*
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GEORDI I WANT TO PARTY WITH YOU. SO AWESOME
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Guy who's probably Riker: GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT LAFORGE!
Geordi: Maybe later, gotta save everyone first.
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Data: Geordi. Worf doesn't know who Uncle Sam is.
Geordi and Data *giggle*
Worf: FUCK YOU BOTH *stomps away*
Geordi: OMG Worf, are you crying?
Worf: NO
Tasha *hugs Worf*
Worf *sniffling and wiping eyes*: AND THEY WOULDN'T TELL ME WHO UNCLE SAM WAS AND THEY SMELL LIKE BUTT AND I HOPE THEY DIE
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Picard: Sometimes the best way to win a fight is not to be there.
I bet you use Ghosts in Starcraft all the time, Picard.
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Data: They are reading every bit of information in the Enterprise.
Geordi: ...they can do that?
Data: And more, perhaps.
Riker *sprinting for the turbolift*: GOT SOME STUFF TO DELETE, BRB
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Picard: Decision ti--
Tasha: CAN I FIRE THE GODDAMN PHASERS AND TORPEDOS ALREADY OR WHAT
Worf: SIR IAWTC
Picard: NO. I'm French so actual fighting is beyond my ability.
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DATA GOD Y SO HOT
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HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT VOICE
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Picard: Who is speaking?
Data: I believe it is Lucifer, sir.
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Satan voice: It is against our custom to use visual communication.
Picard: Well I don't see why--
Giant Ferengi face *appears on screen*
Picard: JESUS CHRIST FIRE EVERYTHING
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Ferengi: DAMN YOU HUMANS UGLY
Picard: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Do you guys ever look in mirrors or do they BREAK TOO FAST?
Ferengi: I can see myself reflected off your forehead just fine.
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Data where the HELL did you get a Chinese finger trap from?
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Picard: Data. You were going to show us something?
Data *holds up finger trap*: I believe it is a telescope of some sort, Captain. It is quite colorful.
Picard: So nothing important, then.
Data *long-ass sullen and offended pause before talking about the planet*
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Data, FUCK, now you're gonna have to break it.
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Data *trying to free fingers*: SOME KIND OF SORCERY
Everyone *LOLing quietly at Data*
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Data: I am, uh...stuck.
Picard: GET UNSTUCK THEN.
(Picard you are cold as ice.)
Data *tears starting to roll down his face*: I...I'm trying.
Picard: I SAID DO IT.
Data *starts sobbing*: NO ONE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS
Geordi *all snide like a chick from Mean Girls*: My hero.
Riker and Geordi *giggle like high school girls*
Data: FRIENDSHIP OVER
Picard *frees Data*
Data *holding finger trap*: I am going to INCINERATE you.
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Oh Data you are so CUTE. THOSE EYES
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Geordi *tosses finger trap to Data*: Data, here, don't want to forget your favorite possession ever.
Data: KEEP IT UP, LAFORGE, KEEP IT UP.
The next morning Geordi wakes up to find his visor crumpled up like a ball of foil.
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LOL Ferengu going, "HOOMUN"
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Data: Yankee traders.
Ferengi: WHAT YOU CALL ME
Data: The blind one said it, ask him.
Geordi: DATA THAT ISN'T FUNNY. BLINDNESS IS A SERIOUS--
Data: HAVING YOUR FINGERS CAUGHT IN A SORCEROUS DEVIL TRAP ISN'T FUNNY EITHER BUT YOU WERE JUST LAUGHING IT UP WITH YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND RIKER WEREN'T YOU
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Tasha wants to blow them up SO BAD. Poor girl.
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Ferengi: Trade, hoomun. What do you offer?
Data: Geordi. And Riker.
Tasha: Data, calm down.
Data: HER, TOO.
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FUCK NO, CLOSE-UP OF FERENGI TEETH BRB BARFING
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STOP SHOWING THE TEETH UGH
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Riker: I'm not one to distrust at first sight, but they were REALLY ugly.
Data: GET YOUR FAT ARM OFF MY CHAIR
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Riker: Can you spare Worf?
Picard: Take him.
Riker *lecherous grin*
Picard: And be careful, Number One.
Riker: I'm on it. *holds up condom*
Picard: I MEANT TAKE HIM TO THE PLANET
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Riker: Understood, Mr. Data. Any other comments?
Data: I HATE YOU FRIEND STEALER
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Riker's forever alone on the planet. HIS WORST NIGHTMARE MADE REAL
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Riker: What are you doing up there?
Data: I was having fun until YOU came along.
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Data: Are we alone, sir?
Riker: Unfortunately. Come on.
Data: You really thing I'm going to follow you after that comment?
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"Nothing to write home about." DATA YOU THE BEST
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Ferengi *fire knock out laser rings from space hula hoop guns or something*
Data *as everyone's falling unconscious*: THIS IS WHY I DON'T HANG OUT WITH YOU TWO
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GET YOUR GODDAMN HAND OFF RIKER'S BADGE
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LOL FOREVER AT RIKER PASSED OUT WITH HIS HEAD ON GEORDI'S CROTCH
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LOL Data's hands raised to Force Lightning the shit out of some Ferengi. They would have been so dead if they hadn't ring-stunned him.
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Riker *wakes up to see a Ferengi tonguing his badge*: GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH YOU'LL RUST IT, FILTHY
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LOL "THUNDER BAAAD" reactions of the Ferengi. SERVES YOU RIGHT
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OH SHIT WORF'S UP AND READY TO KNOCK FUGLY FERENGI TEETH DOWN THROATS
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HELL YEAH WORF KICK ASS
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OH GOD THEY'RE LIKE CHIAHUAHUAS
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LMFAO
Riker: I GOT THIS ONE
Data: Careful, they're strong--
Riker *punched in the face*
Data *"Son, that was pitiful" face*
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Geordi *stands up all dazed and sees everyone fighting*
Geordi *touching visor*: STARFLEET CREW DOWN
Riker, Worf, and Data *drop to the ground*
Geordi *pulls a Cyclops and fires a laser blast from his visor AND IT'S RAINBOW COLORED*
Geordi: OWNED WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BUT MOSTLY WITH HOT LASER*
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DUDE STAR TREK TNG/X-MEN MOVIE CROSSOVER. PICARD AND CHARLES XAVIER MEET. PICARD. AND XAVIER. Also Geordi/Cyclops discussing visors and Riker fucking his way through the entire alumni.
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Data, really, one of the Ferengi caused you to fall on your ass? I hope you did that on purpose to make the others feel better about losing a fight with a bunch of chiahuahua monkeys.
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OH SHIT TASHA'S GONNA SAVE THE DAY
Data: IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT
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Ferengi Boss: You work with your females...and force them to wear clothing?!
Riker: Actually I'm strongly against that last part.
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Picard: Where's Wesley?
Crusher: He's in our quarters. I was tempted to give him a sedative. He's been pretty spastic. I think it's Riker withdrawl.
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THE FUCK IS GOING ON. The weapons aren't working now?
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Thanks, Geordi, you couldn't have understood what you were seeing maybe as soon as you arrived on the planet?
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DATA JESUS ILU
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OH CRAP SPACE WIZARD OF OZ
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Space Wizard of Oz: WHO WILL IT BE
Ferengi *pointing at Riker*: HIIIIIIM
Riker: MONKEYHUAHUA I WILL TOSS YOU OVER THE SIDE OF THAT BRIDGE
Data: I VOLUNTEER TASHA AND GEORDI AS WELL
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Space Wizard of Oz: We are forever!
Riker: Uh, no, supernova killed you all.
Space Wizard of Oz: Oh. *looks around like he was wondering what was different* We are forever!
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Data: Since the age of Makto--
Space Wizard of Oz: There has never BEEN an age of Makto!
Data: See, now you're just lying.
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This poor Space Wizard guy doesn't want to admit that he's been alone on the planet for a long time. "NO THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY IN A PUDDLE"
Data: That was your reflection.
Space Wizard: NO HE WAS REAL I SWEAR
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Dude, Ferengi, don't even talk, your faces aren't going to endear you to the Space Wizard.
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Riker is ready to start bashing some Ferengi heads in, but he's playing the cool card so he doesn't get his uniform dirtied with blood.
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Ferengi *talking so much shit*
Data: No one is going to do something about this? Seriously?
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TASHA KILL THEM ALL
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Ferengi Boss: No female orders ME around!
Tasha: JUST DID, BITCH. *pushes him*
Ferengi Boss *falls and scrapes knees, bursts into tears*
Other Ferengi: Boss, seriously, there are like 5 people watching, you're making us look bad.
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LOL Worf <3
"NO! FOR BATTLE COME TO ME!"
Riker: NO!
Worf: I HAVE BEEN WAITING THIS WHOLE TIME DON'T EVEN JOKE
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Oh jeez, Space Wizard has some serious lurkage going on.
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Riker secretly pooped when Space Wizard swung the axe down right by his head.
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Space Wizard: Ah. Your mind holds interesting thoughts!
Riker: Uh, those aren't mine, I'm holding them for a friend.
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I KNEW IT SPACE WIZARD IS TOTALLY A FOREVER ALONE GUY
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Fuck Picard's life. He has these awful angsty moments with Beverly and he has to deal with her son, the bane of his existence. No wonder he loves Shakespeare. "ROMEO AND JULIET IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE*
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Riker pitying Space Wizard as he goes off to sleep and spend more millions of years forever alone.
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DATA GODDAMN WHY DID YOU PUT THAT CHINESE FINGER TRAP BACK ON WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOES
I bet Geordi tricked him into it.
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Data, just..."something to write home about" is not a default response to everything.
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LOL RIKER'S DIABOLICAL REVENGE
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LOL OMG GEORDI HOW DOES IT FEEL
Data: Oh, what, can't move your fingers? HA. HA. HAAAA.
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Wait a minute, are Geordi and Riker playing with the finger traps? DATA'S SWEET REVENGE <3
So I'd just like to re-state: FUCK FERENGI TEETH DO NOT EVER WANT