Season 1, Episode 3.
Picard: You have the helm, Mr. Data.
Data: What's the POINT, no one wants to DO me!
*sets course for the sun*
Oh wait, no emotion chip, nevermind.
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Like 7 Aladdins just beamed aboard. What.
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You go, Tasha! Judo flip sexism 'til it cries!
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Now I hope Data shows up and starts busting heads because Chief Aladdin is all, "WOOMUN BAD".
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Picard: We would like to present you with this horse of friendship.
Chief Aladdin: Oh, uh...thanks. I guess.
Picard: It's from the 14th century.
Data: 13th.
Picard: OMG NERD
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Everyone's clapping, but Troi looks so mad. I think she wanted the horse of friendship for herself. Because she has no friends
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LOL Riker casually checking out the Aladdin guards as they leave.
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Picard: The holodecks are used for many other things, too. Commander Riker!
Riker *thinking about porn simulations*
Picard: Perhaps you and Counselor Troi would care to demonstrate?
Riker *maintains a poker face so he doesn't start giggling and clapping his hands with glee*
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Chief Aladdin totally has the hots for Tasha. Riker's doubly pissed now because he's deprived of demonstrating porn sims AND someone else is hitting on Tasha.
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Tasha: I'd like to DO it, sir.
Chief Aladdin and Tasha *exchange an eyegrope*
Data: FOR FUCK'S SAKE I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE
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Riker is so MAD. <3
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Cocky Sidekick Aladdin, keep it up. I'm sure constant disgrace won't get you beheaded at ALL.
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Tasha, jesus, you JUST banged Data and you're already hitting on Chief Aladdin. Stop hanging out with Riker.
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OH FUCK KIDNAP--oh wait, it's Tasha, there's going to be Aladdins everywhere with the shit kicked out of them.
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LOL Data. HE JUST WANTS TO HELP
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Riker: WHAT KIND OF FEELINGS
Troi: Sexual--
Riker: FUCK FUCK FUCK sir we gotta blow 'em up RIGHT NOW
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Also I want to see Riker beaming down there and just windmill punching his way through the entire population to get Tasha. And she'll have done the same thing and they'll high-five with an explosion in the background.
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Picard: Other comments?
Data: Just let her fuck her way out of this. SHE THINKS SHE'S SO GREAT
*starts writing a sad poem*
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LOLOL Forever Alone Wesley again. Mom just leaves him alone in the lift to cry and make eyes at Riker.
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LOL at Picard's reaction to having to talk about Wesley. "FML FML FML"
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Someone give Wesley a hug. SO PITIFUL
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LOL Riker going RIGHT for Wesley as soon as he arrives on the bridge.
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Beverly's vagina is like Picard's kryptonite. Sucks for him.
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Picard: Sit next to LaForge.
Wesley: Sir?
Geordi: SIR?
Picard: Is the whole ship DEAF?
Data: What?
Picard: FFFF--
This is killing him. I love it.
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Wesley: Let's try this! *hits a button*
Geordi: NO DON--
*lights go out*
Picard: Get out Get OUT GET OUT
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Really, Wesley, another sweater?
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Oh God, Riker looks like Christmas has come early.
"WESLEY? On the BRIDGE? On my lap?"
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Whoa whoa whoa, he took Data's seat?
Wesley *opens space closet*
Sweaters *all torn to shreds*
Note on space closet: GET YOUR OWN DAMN SEAT UGLY
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Data: That is from an obscure language known as French.
Everyone *trying not to LOL as Picard tries to suppress a speech*
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Data: Be polite, Captain.
Picard: Stick it in your ear. (to Chief Aladdin) Please return Tasha.
Chief Aladdin *all smug*: Perhaps. Come visit us, Captain.
Picard *gives him the finger*: VISIT THIS
Troi: CAPTAIN NO
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Aww, Riker being all protective.
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Data *standing in Tasha's place*: LEGS sure are SORE.
Wesley *scooches lower in seat*
Data: You have to pee eventually...
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Chief Aladdin: You have to say please and ask for Tasha back in front of everyone tonight to receive her.
Picard *tiger pounces onto Chief Aladdin*: SO YOU GONNA BE A PUNK HUH
Troi: CAPTAIN I SENSE YOU ARE ANGRY
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Apparently the Aladdin music consists of banging skeleton bones together. What a delight.
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STOP BANGING THOSE FUCKING BONES
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OH SHIT THERE GONNA BE A CATFIGHT CALL RIKER
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Picard: Did you have any idea Chief Aladdin wanted you?
Tasha: No, he didn't say anything about it when we were banging.
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Amazingly I haven't wanted to slap Troi yet.
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Picard: I understand some of it. She's a rather lovely female.
Chief Aladdin: LOL, you surprise me, Captain, thought you were all dust by now.
Picard: ENGAGE *tackles Chief Aladdin*
Troi (from Tasha's room): CAPTAIN NO NOT AGAIN
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OK, seriously, I've wanted Picard to start punching Chief Aladdin like 3 times now. WHEN IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN
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Chief Aladdin just likes girl fights.
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Picard has a crafty ass look. Grandpa's up to something.
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Data *all sullen*: We always come back to the human equation.
Geordi: Exactly.
Data: SORRY I'M NOT INEFFICIENT ENOUGH FOR YOU *runs away crying*
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LOL at Data blocking Geordi's only exit to try and tell him a joke.
"YOU WILL LISTEN AND LOVE IT"
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I think Data tells Geordi all those jokes to get back at him for the whole "Ew, not human? Be more human, Data" thing, because when Geordi tells jokes he gets sent to Sickbay.
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LOL Picard catching himself mid-speech.
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Data: DO YOU LOVE HIM?
Tasha: NO. He's hot, but--
Data: JUST DO EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE THEN IF YOU FEEL THAT WAY *runs away crying again*
Tasha: Already did.
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Riker *sees Wesley in lift and goes all pedo*: Care to lend a hand?
Wesley *oblivious and grinning*
Riker: Sit at Ops.
You creeper, you just want to be able to watch him.
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THOSE FUCKING BONES AGAIN
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80's ass outfit Chief Aladdin's wife Jasmine has on. Mad Maxine or something I don't even
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Sidekick Aladdin: Careful, Jasmine!
Chief Aladdin: DON'T YOU BE MAKIN' EYES AT MY WIFE
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Also LOL at boner smile Chief Aladdin has when watching the girls fight. If only they had discovered mud wrestling, this could have been settled peacefully.
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LESBI--oh FUCK YOU, transporter.
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Chief Aladdin you a heartless cunt. Someone beat him up.
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YEEEAH JASMINE YOU A BOSS
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LOL Tasha rubbing it in. YOU GO GIRLS
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Tasha, please, just do him and stop pretending you have Victorian sensibilities.
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Jasmine: Then I will have you as my number 2. Take your place.
Chief Aladdin *crawls into her toilet*
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Riker, you didn't forget Wesley was there, you were watching him like a hawk the entire time.
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LOL at Data running back to his seat.