Moving
We are finally on the cusp of our move. I am normally incredibly sentimental about moving, even if the move is a positive one...well, they have all been pretty positive, but regardless. I literally laid in bed most of the night before moving out of one apartment (oh Everett St studio, how I loved you) sobbing because I just couldn't believe I was leaving it. For me, places where I have lived have always held some kind of magic, like the me that lived there could still somehow be accessed by walking through the rooms, touching the walls, pulling out the drawers. I think, in a way, I have always believed in time travel for this reason. I convinced myself that the tingle of familiarity I felt revisiting an old space was the younger me trying to communicate.
Leaving this house should be making me sick with sadness, but it's not. It's the home I brought my baby back from the hospital to, the home I watched her grow up in, yet she will be with me when we wake up for that first delicious morning in our new home. We won't be accustomed to that new-old-house smell yet, and the cat will be poking around in boxes, and we'll have to dig out toothbrushes and towels and the coffee maker, but it will be ours. We will start to make new memories in our new space: Claire will turn two, we will garden, dinners will be cooked and enjoyed. Maybe the change in my heart is not so much because I so badly crave more space, but because I have finally taught myself how to be more in the present, make more of each day I have with my family, and to linger a little less over memories.
Leaving this house should be making me sick with sadness, but it's not. It's the home I brought my baby back from the hospital to, the home I watched her grow up in, yet she will be with me when we wake up for that first delicious morning in our new home. We won't be accustomed to that new-old-house smell yet, and the cat will be poking around in boxes, and we'll have to dig out toothbrushes and towels and the coffee maker, but it will be ours. We will start to make new memories in our new space: Claire will turn two, we will garden, dinners will be cooked and enjoyed. Maybe the change in my heart is not so much because I so badly crave more space, but because I have finally taught myself how to be more in the present, make more of each day I have with my family, and to linger a little less over memories.