authenticity.
the topic of authenticity has been brought up a lot lately. in my softball fellowship devotionals, in my discussions with friends, and in my thoughts. i've been contemplating most about whether i've been an authentic Christian, and also an authentic person in general. truthfully, i know i haven't - at least not all the time, and i wish i could be. it would be awesome if i could be brutally honest about everything. i think i'm always working towards that, but i always end up lying to cover up my flaws and feelings. like when someone asks me "how are you doing?", i would always respond with "good", or something along the lines of that, even when i'm not doing so well. it's almost as if it were a reflex, instinctive and automated, preventing myself from discussing about my feelings any further.
i guess honesty is scary because it's hard to get past our insecurities. we're afraid to admit that we have certain feelings. if we don't tell anyone about how we truly feel, then we can just hide our emotions and pretend that it's all okay. but as soon as someone else knows what we're thinking deep inside, we can't pretend that those feelings are absent anymore. we have to admit that we have problems, which makes us vulnerable. our weaknesses are out in the open, and it gives others the opportunity to pick at them.
honesty really comes down to trust, i think. if we can trust someone enough to know that they won't judge us, then we won't be afraid of putting ourselves at risk of being hurt. but it's so easy to make excuses to hide everything because we know that people are flawed. even if there is someone trustworthy, they can still be unreliable at times. i guess we just have to learn to take that leap sometimes, and we have to be prepared for disappointment. it may be difficult, but the best part really comes after you make yourself vulnerable to someone else. if there's anything i learned throughout this year, it's that it's an amazing experience to have a real and raw conversation with another person. to have someone who truly tries to understand what you are saying.
now, if only i could do the same with God. trust Him enough to be open with Him. to allow Him to enter my space. it's a challenge.
i guess honesty is scary because it's hard to get past our insecurities. we're afraid to admit that we have certain feelings. if we don't tell anyone about how we truly feel, then we can just hide our emotions and pretend that it's all okay. but as soon as someone else knows what we're thinking deep inside, we can't pretend that those feelings are absent anymore. we have to admit that we have problems, which makes us vulnerable. our weaknesses are out in the open, and it gives others the opportunity to pick at them.
honesty really comes down to trust, i think. if we can trust someone enough to know that they won't judge us, then we won't be afraid of putting ourselves at risk of being hurt. but it's so easy to make excuses to hide everything because we know that people are flawed. even if there is someone trustworthy, they can still be unreliable at times. i guess we just have to learn to take that leap sometimes, and we have to be prepared for disappointment. it may be difficult, but the best part really comes after you make yourself vulnerable to someone else. if there's anything i learned throughout this year, it's that it's an amazing experience to have a real and raw conversation with another person. to have someone who truly tries to understand what you are saying.
now, if only i could do the same with God. trust Him enough to be open with Him. to allow Him to enter my space. it's a challenge.