(no subject)
i woke up disoriented and wondering what time it was. i turned my head and saw the sun floodign through one of the only windows in my basement. i saw particles of dust floating- something that most people take for granted. but today, it was beautiful. like the kind of beautiful where you cant go back to sleep because youre afraid youll forget it so you go write about it in your lifejoural. each particle became a star and it was floating around and around. some blinked. some disapeared. but they danced for me for what seemed like weeks, rolling like thunderclouds, up and out. i saw galaxies born and destroyed, saw me and all of the people i knew and all of our problems. the music swelled, everything wrong was gone just for a second and i was just me, tears in my eyes, a sinking feeling in my stomach. there arent words for this.
this was life itself, an illusion of an illusion in an illusion. if it was God, then i decided that God is some chaotic thing- no purpose, just chaos... it is only by chance that we are here. each particle moved on its own. each person moves on his own. their own agenda... God is each particle of dust, when every leaf on a tree moves in a different direction as the wind blows. who knows why, there isnt even a why. it wasnt beautiful, it was beauty. it wasnt bright, it was light. i could go on and on.
i jsut wish that there was someone REAL that i could share it with. there are only a handful of people in the fuckign state that wouldnt have called me crazy right then. im missign someone.
also, i saw brad and i was so happy to see him. he was baked but i wasnt much better off i guess. i guess it was like this- i had to face my past and it made me happy. hes doing alright i think. a month ago i would have said "hes a mess" but so is everyone. i also saw brittany at work and she just waved and kept walking.. i breathed a sigh of relief, a sigh of sorrow. i miss what we had but i think that that was the end. and dare i say i am glad that it is.
i had a real mellow night and it was fun. thanks guys!.
this was life itself, an illusion of an illusion in an illusion. if it was God, then i decided that God is some chaotic thing- no purpose, just chaos... it is only by chance that we are here. each particle moved on its own. each person moves on his own. their own agenda... God is each particle of dust, when every leaf on a tree moves in a different direction as the wind blows. who knows why, there isnt even a why. it wasnt beautiful, it was beauty. it wasnt bright, it was light. i could go on and on.
i jsut wish that there was someone REAL that i could share it with. there are only a handful of people in the fuckign state that wouldnt have called me crazy right then. im missign someone.
also, i saw brad and i was so happy to see him. he was baked but i wasnt much better off i guess. i guess it was like this- i had to face my past and it made me happy. hes doing alright i think. a month ago i would have said "hes a mess" but so is everyone. i also saw brittany at work and she just waved and kept walking.. i breathed a sigh of relief, a sigh of sorrow. i miss what we had but i think that that was the end. and dare i say i am glad that it is.
i had a real mellow night and it was fun. thanks guys!.