Life is pain indeed...
I feel sort of shit today, but nowhere as bad as last night... But let's start at the beginning...
Yesterday afternoon, Jess and heloula came over to watch some Muse goodies! We watched the Glastonbury gig and then the Wembley one. It was brilliant fun, singing along and just chatting and making comment about their clothes haha. I had a very good time and I didn't want it to end. So I suggested we go out and have a pizza. Unfortunately, Hela had to go home, so it was just me and Jess. She's got a new boyfriend, who seems like one of those perfect guys you don't find too often... I'm really happy for her, but it really makes me wonder why I can't even get the attention of a guy. I'm a loser.
I was driving home, going over my massive lack of affection, and I just started bowling my eyes out - which is just great when you're driving under the rain at night... Everything came back up: the fact that I never had a proper relationship, especially with a boy, how I spend my time drooling after boys I'll never have, how I can't stand myself and my body, and so on. I was a total mess by the time I got home. Thank god my mum was already asleep. It took me ages to fall asleep, but I did manage. I'm back on my diet now, it's the least I can do. But it's hard to find the motivation when I'm in such a shitty mood. I don't feel like seeing anyone, I don't even feel like going out on Saturday for Sarah's birthday. I just wanna avoid people, which is exactly what I shouldn't do if I want to meet people... I'm fucked up, really.
Last night's dreams didn't help either, even though they were sort of weird and fun...
It somehow involved London, Eurocks, my mum, Amy, friends and the Cullens (ugh, why?). We were all going to Eurocks (why in London I have no idea) and I could feel the sun burning my skin. Of course going to London I hadn't bothered taking sun cream. I was running around trying to find a shop selling some, insisting that Carlisle should wear some too, with his skin so pale XD
Anyway, suddenly I was with my mum, and she was looking for a book on australian art that she'd lent to someone. Then she tells me this someone lives in Islington and is named Rob Pattinson, and I'm like, wtf you know him? You don't even speak english! So we go to the block of flats he lives in, and here he is, opening the door in nothing but a pair of jeans, his hair still dripping from a shower. Owww painful for my eyes XD Looked so damn hot. I acted surprisingly cool the whole time we were there, my brain mixing french and english in some odd language...
Then we're back at Eurocks, though it looks nothing like it, with Amy, and we were trying to find some cash. We were waiting to see Muse and I was also calling Hela to tell her who I'd just met with my mum, and she was on the verge of tears on the phone.. aww.
The rest is confused... It's weird cos it sort of involves all the things I saw or talked about yesterday.. Then my mum half jumped on me to wake me up, and I felt like murdering her. I hate being woken up violently. If anything, it should be a nice, lovely hot boy waking me with kisses in the neck. That I wouldn't mind.
Ugh...
EDIT: Muse album out in September? That'd be totally cool! I'd be finished with uni and free to go wherever I want for gigs! (Not that uni ever stopped me before...) *crosses fingers*
Yesterday afternoon, Jess and heloula came over to watch some Muse goodies! We watched the Glastonbury gig and then the Wembley one. It was brilliant fun, singing along and just chatting and making comment about their clothes haha. I had a very good time and I didn't want it to end. So I suggested we go out and have a pizza. Unfortunately, Hela had to go home, so it was just me and Jess. She's got a new boyfriend, who seems like one of those perfect guys you don't find too often... I'm really happy for her, but it really makes me wonder why I can't even get the attention of a guy. I'm a loser.
I was driving home, going over my massive lack of affection, and I just started bowling my eyes out - which is just great when you're driving under the rain at night... Everything came back up: the fact that I never had a proper relationship, especially with a boy, how I spend my time drooling after boys I'll never have, how I can't stand myself and my body, and so on. I was a total mess by the time I got home. Thank god my mum was already asleep. It took me ages to fall asleep, but I did manage. I'm back on my diet now, it's the least I can do. But it's hard to find the motivation when I'm in such a shitty mood. I don't feel like seeing anyone, I don't even feel like going out on Saturday for Sarah's birthday. I just wanna avoid people, which is exactly what I shouldn't do if I want to meet people... I'm fucked up, really.
Last night's dreams didn't help either, even though they were sort of weird and fun...
It somehow involved London, Eurocks, my mum, Amy, friends and the Cullens (ugh, why?). We were all going to Eurocks (why in London I have no idea) and I could feel the sun burning my skin. Of course going to London I hadn't bothered taking sun cream. I was running around trying to find a shop selling some, insisting that Carlisle should wear some too, with his skin so pale XD
Anyway, suddenly I was with my mum, and she was looking for a book on australian art that she'd lent to someone. Then she tells me this someone lives in Islington and is named Rob Pattinson, and I'm like, wtf you know him? You don't even speak english! So we go to the block of flats he lives in, and here he is, opening the door in nothing but a pair of jeans, his hair still dripping from a shower. Owww painful for my eyes XD Looked so damn hot. I acted surprisingly cool the whole time we were there, my brain mixing french and english in some odd language...
Then we're back at Eurocks, though it looks nothing like it, with Amy, and we were trying to find some cash. We were waiting to see Muse and I was also calling Hela to tell her who I'd just met with my mum, and she was on the verge of tears on the phone.. aww.
The rest is confused... It's weird cos it sort of involves all the things I saw or talked about yesterday.. Then my mum half jumped on me to wake me up, and I felt like murdering her. I hate being woken up violently. If anything, it should be a nice, lovely hot boy waking me with kisses in the neck. That I wouldn't mind.
Ugh...
EDIT: Muse album out in September? That'd be totally cool! I'd be finished with uni and free to go wherever I want for gigs! (Not that uni ever stopped me before...) *crosses fingers*