(no subject)
Dad: Hey look! *picks up capless water bottle in one hand and capless film canister in the other, then proceeds to shove film canister over opening of bottle*
Me: Okay.
Dad: It's like, an invention! You can go *pulls film canister off bottle and holds next to bottle, making pouring motion* hey, wanna shot?
Lauren: Haha.
Mom: John, you are so retarded.
at Giant checkout line
Me: That makes it look like I'm a vegetarian.
Mom: What do you mean?
Me: Having soymilk makes it look like I'm a vegetarian.
Dad: No, something worse.
Me: Like what?
Dad: Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Me: What?
Dad: Because of your feet.
Me: What?!
Dad: What day is today, the 15th?
Some people used to call my neighborhood "the ghetto of WJ". Now, two houses just sold for around $1.1 million. What the fuck?
Me: Okay.
Dad: It's like, an invention! You can go *pulls film canister off bottle and holds next to bottle, making pouring motion* hey, wanna shot?
Lauren: Haha.
Mom: John, you are so retarded.
at Giant checkout line
Me: That makes it look like I'm a vegetarian.
Mom: What do you mean?
Me: Having soymilk makes it look like I'm a vegetarian.
Dad: No, something worse.
Me: Like what?
Dad: Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Me: What?
Dad: Because of your feet.
Me: What?!
Dad: What day is today, the 15th?
Some people used to call my neighborhood "the ghetto of WJ". Now, two houses just sold for around $1.1 million. What the fuck?