[RP with Summers_grey and Red_Eyed_sin]

[izzy_chambers]

OOC: Isobel is adjusting to how she views Nathaniel and Rachel, and what exactly it means to be part of a family.

Rachel left Nathaniel's study feeling calm, cheerful. She trotted out to Izzy's apartment, thinking quickly about what she had picked up in her friend's mind. Confusion. Hope. Longing, really. Anger. Resentment. Rachel's mouth quirked in a near-smile. It seemed pretty obvious to her, how Izzy felt about Nathaniel. It was time for Izzy to admit it.

She stopped outside the woman's garage apartment and knocked. "Izzy?" Rachel called. "Come watch a movie? Movie and girl-talk?"



Isobel had been feeling a bit discontent since she left Dr. Essex's study. She had no idea why, but she'd decided to call her parents.

She'd never really told anyone the whole story of why they were so angry at her. Part of it was her working for Dr. Essex; they'd never really known who he was. The news had eventually be disseminated that her boss was a very bad man, and they had insisted she be removed from his employ at once. Isobel had managed to get them to calm down by saying if Dr. Essex put one toe out of line they'd throw him in prison, but her parents had been wary.

That had been the first checkmark in the "reasons not to visit our daughter" category.

Reason two was the one that had devastated her the most, that she had come out to them and they'd been so very, very disappointed. They hadn't yelled. They hadn't cried, or screamed, or done anything the book she'd read about "coming out to your friends and family" and warned her they might. They just said very calmly that they would not be visiting until she "got her head on straight" (an ironically horrible choice of words) and that she would be a bad example for her brother. They didn't even know Raven. They didn't care that Isobel was happy and in love. All they cared about was that she was gay.

You've always had to be a little different, haven't you?

Her mother wondered if maybe the ray that had hit her when she was in utero had been responsible for making Isobel a lesbian, too.

The last strike had been when her parents found out who, exactly, Raven Darkholme was. She still wasn't sure if someone had called them, or what. She'd tried asking Dr. Pym, but he'd just shrugged and said her personal life was no one's business. But someone had told her parents. Maybe it was just a tabloid--Raven was a pretty well-known criminal--and her mother had sent her a letter, stating Isobel was not to have any further contact with her family until she ceased congressing with dangerous criminals.

It was accompanied by a restraining order.

Isobel's brother's birthday was last month. Her card and her gift had been returned. There had been nothing but a call from a very cold-voiced lawyer, telling her not to attempt to send anymore gifts in the mail. She'd cried, quietly, and never told Rachel or Dr. Essex about it.

They'll get over it, certainly, Isobel had thought, but she wondered if they really would. Tonight, driven by some impulse she couldn't put into words, she'd called her house. Her parents had the same number since Isobel was three. The number was disconnected. The automated voice cheerfully informed her that there was no forwarding number. Isobel hung up the phone.

I"ll have to change my SHIELD forms. Contact numbers. Beneficiaries. I should do that tomorrow.

Curiously blank, she pulled on comfy flannel pants and an old favorite sweater, her hair back in a ponytail. When Rachel knocked she went down past the lab. "Hi," she said, arms wrapped around herself. "Did you and Dr. Essex make up?"

Rachel nodded. "Yup," she said. "And you and I are spending some time together. Because I am dense, but not as dense as my boyfriend, and I can tell you were a little weird, there, in his office. So we are getting chips and dip and watching some more Star Trek Voyager and laughing, a lot." Something was wrong. With Izzy. It was obvious, her face weirdly distant and blank. Rachel had no intention of letting her friend skulk back to her room alone.

"Okay," Isobel said, following Rachel into the house. She went to the kitchen, found the dip. She put it in a bowl and stirred it with a spoon, and then grabbed the chips from the pantry, and upended them in a nice large plastic bowl they sometimes used for popcorn. She knew where everything was, here. It was her home. And when her assignment was over, she wasn't going to have one anymore.

Isobel paused, the swallowed. "I've lost everything. Do you know that? Because of my job. Because of my friends. Because of Raven. My parents disowned me. Legally, and emotionally. I'm going to be arrested if I ever go near them again. They disconnected their number and sent my brother's birthday present back to me." She looked at Rachel. "Last week, Dr. Essex went out for something, and came back with a copy of that Discovery Health magazine because there was this article in there about genetic diversity, and I had been yammering about it in the lab the other day. I didn't even think he was listening. He doesn't act like he listens when we're working. He barely talks to me in the lab unless it's to tell me something or to be quiet or to correct me. But he came back with a magazine because he thought I would like it." Isobel blinked. "My family disowns me, and my supervillain boss buys me presents. What is wrong with me?" She was trembling, shaking in her emotion.

Rachel took the bowls from Izzy and set them down. She wrapped her arms around her friend and held her close. It wasn't often that Rachel was calm and clear in her head, and she was going to take advantage of it and help the other woman.

"Nothing's wrong with you," she said. "You are one of the smartest, kindest, most practical people I know. Sometimes loss happens for no fault or reason we can figure out. It just happens. And you are obviously strong enough to get through it." Rachel loosened her hold and leaned back, looking carefully at Izzy. "How long has this stuff been going on, though? I mean, they were upset at Disney, but they hadn't disowned you?"

"No. Somehow they found out about Raven. About who she is. And they've...there's a lot of stuff in the press, you know. About--well, a lot of people. You. Dr. Essex. Anna. God. Everyone. And, of course, Mystique. SHIELD and I had words about my apparent loyalties." Izzy shrugged. She sighed. "I guess when they found out about Raven being...who she is...they think I'm going to put my brother in danger. Why? I mean, seriously, why would anyone go after him? He's just normal." Her voice was faintly derisive.

"They'd go after him to blackmail you into betraying SHIELD, or Nathaniel, or to give me up." Rachel shrugged. "It's what I would do. Make him scream in front of you until you betrayed something. Ask your girlfriend how it works, honey," she said gently. "You're not invisible anymore, and neither are they. So they disowned you for this?"

"That, and liking girls. All of it. But that's....you know, I don't think I am really explaining what the horrible part is." Isobel was shaking so hard, she couldn't hold the glass of soda she'd just poured. "Oh, God. I can't even say it. I think it--if I think it, you can hear and you can tell me why it's so awful," she said in a rush, and there were tears because she couldn't help it, and the thought was racing through her mind and she couldn't stop it, couldn't, and Rachel would know, Rachel would know how horrible Isobel was--

Rachel caught the glass and caught Izzy and her friend put her hands up to her face. Not crying, no, something Rachel recognized. A sort of locking down of all reaction and feeling. Denial breaking open. Rachel held her and opened the link she held to Izzy in time to catch a whisper of a thought -- don't even care not my family this this one want this no one wants me want this want this --

"Ah." Rachel slid down to the floor, cradling the other woman. She sat against the cabinet and held on tight. "I have to say," she began, "that I understand. I'm tired of letting my care for Scott hurt me. Each time he turns his back on me, I care less. And then I ask Nathaniel to do awful things to me. Not because I'm sad or hurt, but because I am not sad or hurt enough." She stroked Izzy's hair gently. "It's not a course I would recommend for you. But I think I understand."

Rachel kissed the top of Izzy's head. "But, you do know you're my family, right?"

Izzy put her face in Rachel's shoulder. She gave a little laugh. "Oh, God. I just think I should care. But I don't. But if SHIELD, if they--if they fire me, where do I go, what if Dr. Essex and you are still here, I don't--where do I go, Rachel? If I have no family--" Isobel straightened, blinking at Rachel. "Just, I want somewhere to be. Somewhere with people who love me. And I've found more acceptance in a group of people that are bad or dangerous or hated than anywhere else, and I don't care anymore." She put her head back on Rachel's shoulder. "What do I do, Rachel? I could leave and ask to be transferred and go it on my own, or I could stay here. And if they want to can me, what do I do? Ask Dr. Essex to let me stay here, a SHIELD cast-off?"

Rachel tightened her hold on Izzy. "If you ever need anything," she said very, very quietly. "If you need money, or protection, or help of any sort, Nathaniel and I will find you and give you whatever you need. You don't even have to ask." She took a deep breath, calming herself. "Nathaniel stays here because it gives me an almost-normal life, and it lets him do work he loves. If he could not have me, or you, or the work, he would be gone in an instant. And us with him."

She felt the sudden tension in Izzy at that, and with the help of their link correctly interpreted it as hope. "What," Rachel said with a small smile, "did you think he doesn't care?"

"He doesn't care about anything but you," Isobel whispered, unable to look at her friend. "Would--that wouldn't really--that's how that would go? I know if he had to leave, you'd go with him. Even if he doesn't quite get that? I think he thinks that you would never accept him if he wasn't doing something legitimate. I think you would go with him because you love him and you two need each other. But I'm--I'm just his assistant, Rachel. And he might have some fondness for me, but that's all I am. I'm not--I can't--it's not the same," she finished lamely.

Rachel sat for a moment. Weighing what was the least harm. Considering what she knew of Nathaniel, and of Izzy. "You're his daughter, now," she said. "He never meant to care ever again. And now he kills for you, and goes shopping for you, and follows the US government regulations for you."

"That last one is for you," Isobel said, pulling back, searching Rachel's face. "Isn't it? What would you do, Rachel, if he--hell, if we both decided--to take our research somewhere that we could actually do it without waiting six weeks for samples that arrive ruined?" She smiled briefly. "You want to see your boyfriend furious, you should see him open the Fed-Ex from the CDC and have the samples ruined." She took a deep breath. "He really thinks that--I'm his daughter?"

"If you both fled," Rachel said slowly, "I would go with, if I could. Or go to Anna. If he left, I would ask you to come with us. Nathaniel," she added, "would assume you were coming with and would have your things packed." She looked at Izzy, at the hope in her friend's eyes. "He would be hurt at the thought you wouldn't. He gets very gruff when he talks about you being unhappy, or when you had that cold last week and were in bed."

"Is that why he kept making all those visits to the lab? I thought he was just being anal retentive and checking the samples. Huh." Isobel stood up, and went to wash her face. She picked up the bowl of chips and dip and her soda. Rachel helpfully levitated them for her, and they went into the comfortable living room. She pulled the blanket around herself, and Rachel put the snacks on the table between them and sat next to her.

Isobel thought very hard about what she wanted to say. "It feels sometimes like he's my father," she said honestly. "For a while I was freaked out, you know? I mean, I don't like men, and trust me, I don't want to sleep with him--um," she flushed, realizing how that sounded. "But sometimes I have this weird--I can't--" Isobel shook her head, flustered. "It's like this attraction but it isn't? I mean, I don't know what it is. I don't know, really, what it is I want from this."

"I think," Rachel said slowly, considering her words. "I know that he wants to take care of you, in an entirely Victorian, patriarchal, unacceptable by modern standards way. He wants to keep you, you know? Give you safety and shelter and material goods and the room to grow into the person you want to be." She blushed a little. "I know, because that's how he tells it to me, about me and you both? From looking at it one way, it's a kind of cage. But if you look at it another way, it's a . . . a doorway. You can stand where he keeps you safe, and go back inside if you need to, and step out towards what you want at anytime."

Rachel squeezed Izzy's knee in commiseration and support and leaned over for the chips. "I think you probably think that just wanting that makes you weak, or a bad feminist, or a traitor to women everywhere, or makes you stupid or intellectually compromised, or something. But I have thought a lot about this. And I can't actually see how any of those objections are real."

"Huh. It's not--it's not a problem, really, it's just...I didn't think he thought of me that way. I guess I--wanted him to, yeah, I can admit it. I don't--it feels weird, but, but good." She smiled shyly at Rachel. "I'm not sure how to act, though? I mean. I don't have to like, say anything, do I?"

"Stop calling him Dr. Essex," Rachel suggested. "I think he would understand the shift. Just, understand, he will sometimes think you are his property." Rachel glanced at her friend. "Not that he'd take some sort of sexual advantage or anything like that, but he will think he can make your decisions? You'll have to decide how to handle that."

"Okay, but um, I don't think...I can't have sex...I mean, not like I haven't thought about it since you two forget to shield half the time and it sounds hot, but I probably think I'm actually turned on by all those noises you make..." Isobel giggled. "Um. That's inappropriate if you're my mom?" She laughed, and then stood up. "Maybe we should go...see if Dr. E--Nathaniel--wants to watch the movie with us?"

Rachel giggled. "God, I mean, I try to remember to shield you? At least, I think we remember on most of the heavier stuff. We might forget on some, though." She winced in mock pain. "But, don't joke about me being you mom, god, my family is SO screwed up that if you ended up being related to me through time travel or something I would not even be surprised. Ugh." Rachel shuddered theatrically. "That said, you know I don't care if you hear, as long as you don't mind?"

She stood and took Izzy's hand. "Yeah, let's go find my criminal mastermind villain and make him watch Imagine Me & You. He'll like that."

Izzy smiled shyly as they walked into Nathaniel's office. She felt...good. Free of something, some tension. She felt like she belonged. All she had to do was ask Dr. E--Nathaniel--if he wanted to watch a movie, and treat him less like a boss and more like a--father, but not. Something else.

Nathaniel looked up from his work as they walked in. He took in the sight of them holding hands, and said calmly, "Either the evangelicals are correct and homosexuality is indeed contagious and you have come to tell me you have formed a deep and abiding love for each other, or something of some significance has occurred in some mystical female way that I am not to divine with telepathy but rather wait for you to elucidate, yes?"

"It would be the second," Rachel said. "And Izzy has a question for you. All will be clear in time, Grasshopper," she added.

"Yes, Isobel?" Nathaniel stared at her.

"Um." Isobel expelled a sharp breath. "Um, Nathaniel?"

Nathaniel was slightly surprised she used his first name, but that was likely the point of this mysterious something. "Yes?"

"Do you want to come watch a movie with me and Ray?"

"That would be quite acceptable, yes, please let me finish this abstract and order these samples. I shall be but a moment. Perhaps someone should order in dinner?" They both looked at him. He sighed. "I shall do that. Go on. Do not pick something with science that will enrage me."

"So, nothing at all with science. Or physics. Rachel has something in mind, I think."

Nathaniel groaned, hand on his heart, wincing theatrically. "Oh, if it is a movie about a cyborg, possibly I am busy."

"No," Rachel said. "It some comedy one of my classmates told me I should see. He thinks I look like one of the actresses, and he wants to imagine me kissing other women. But, you know, it sounded okay."

"I would not mind imagining that," Isobel said, giggling.

"Nor would I," Nathaniel added, and when they both looked at him, he actually laughed. Quiet, contained, but a real laugh nonetheless. "I assume your usage of my first name means there has been some significant alteration of our relationship in ways that are intimate and not sexual?"

Isobel was so embarrassed, all she could do was squeak out an answer.

"Yes. Well, then, you shall have to deal with how I behave." Nathaniel cleared his throat. "Pardon my inappropriateness. Though if you wished to kiss that actress I quite fancy--what is her name, again?--I should not mind."

"Milla Jovovich," Isobel supplied.

"Yes, her. Her you may kiss as much as you wish--I do not know why you are both looking at me thusly, I am a man." He waved at them. "Now, do go on, before you distract me and we have nary a thing for dinner a'tall."

"We'll hold the movie for ten minutes, long enough for you to get ice cream," Rachel said, pulling Izzy back to the living room.

*And thank you. She loves you, sort of, you know.*

"Dinner, first," Nathaniel called after them. *I know. I do not know if I love her as I do you, but it is something. I am not...altogether displeased.*

Rachel nodded. She put her arm in Izzy's and hugged her close. New family for all of us, she thought. New start.