it's to the point
that I dont think conversation is going to help and I don't know why it is here and so fucking complicated when it really is a pretty straightforward plotline. I got upset because of something my friend did. Then my friend got mad that I got upset. Then I was upset MORE that they got mad at me even though I had not done anything. Then they said a lot of fucked up shit about me and my life, accusing me of things that had nothing to do with situation. So I show my closer friends the conversation because I was really hurt by the things said, and I don't even know if the friend who got mad at me will ever see how hurt I was. I want comfort and validation, I am not trying to end the friendship with this person. I am not trying to villainize them. I talk about it to 2 friends on a group chat. Both immediately leap to the mad-friend's defense, despite it me reaching out to them about this. Even in this situation centered on my feelings, my feelings are ignored.
For so long I think I always put others first and tried to make everyone comfortable--and I did that at the cost of myself! So when I stand up for myself, when I say hey it isn't cool that you did this to me I didn't like that, they think when they yell at me I will back down. But I'm not fucking backing down because I don't want a friendship where a small criticism leads to a giant meltdown. And the more I tried to explain to her my side, the more insulting and entrenched she got on hers (the mad-friend's).
Anyway. I'm just venting because it seems that it's better to type in a fucking blog, because people really don't see my feelings at all. My mom displayed this blind spot of empathy and I am seeing it even in those closest to me and it's frightening.
I just want to be reassured. Is that so hard to fucking get??
And if I'm upset with someone, and they are stressed out-- I can still be sympathetic and care about them but still wanting a resolution for things that they did that they hurt me. Is hurting me so negligible?
This is a message I was going to send my friend but I don't want to get stuck in an argument and I'm honestly just so done. I know if I don't want to escalate that posting this is going to make it worse but I'm fucking tired this thing has escalated despite my efforts to not escalate it. Like why does it feel like I have to scream to be acknowledged? And even when screaming I am not really acknowledged, it is still about them.
Unsent Line Message:
All I ask is that you put yourself in my shoes instead of thinking well I've done enough, and she's not happy. That thinking is like "I paid for this girl on 3 dates and she still hasn't had sex with me?". Things are not so transactional and straightforward. I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me and try and be there for me but what hurts the most is that it feels like you really can't see where I am coming from.
You care about me but you care about yourself more and there's no denying it. If anyone talked to you the way 'mad-friend' did, you would have ended that friendship right there.
Thinking in braod strokes is insulting cause I know how intelligent you are. If you respected me as an equal, you would understand where I am coming from. I did not call her a bad friend. I was upset by what she did. And then upset when it seemed like you didn't get WHY i was upset.
Every time you come to me I try to do that work for you of what you're probably feeling. You love me but you don't see me as an equal. You want us to be good but don't want to do any self examination. You have broken my heart and I am tired. If you don't want to understand me then just leave me alone.
For so long I think I always put others first and tried to make everyone comfortable--and I did that at the cost of myself! So when I stand up for myself, when I say hey it isn't cool that you did this to me I didn't like that, they think when they yell at me I will back down. But I'm not fucking backing down because I don't want a friendship where a small criticism leads to a giant meltdown. And the more I tried to explain to her my side, the more insulting and entrenched she got on hers (the mad-friend's).
Anyway. I'm just venting because it seems that it's better to type in a fucking blog, because people really don't see my feelings at all. My mom displayed this blind spot of empathy and I am seeing it even in those closest to me and it's frightening.
I just want to be reassured. Is that so hard to fucking get??
And if I'm upset with someone, and they are stressed out-- I can still be sympathetic and care about them but still wanting a resolution for things that they did that they hurt me. Is hurting me so negligible?
This is a message I was going to send my friend but I don't want to get stuck in an argument and I'm honestly just so done. I know if I don't want to escalate that posting this is going to make it worse but I'm fucking tired this thing has escalated despite my efforts to not escalate it. Like why does it feel like I have to scream to be acknowledged? And even when screaming I am not really acknowledged, it is still about them.
Unsent Line Message:
All I ask is that you put yourself in my shoes instead of thinking well I've done enough, and she's not happy. That thinking is like "I paid for this girl on 3 dates and she still hasn't had sex with me?". Things are not so transactional and straightforward. I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me and try and be there for me but what hurts the most is that it feels like you really can't see where I am coming from.
You care about me but you care about yourself more and there's no denying it. If anyone talked to you the way 'mad-friend' did, you would have ended that friendship right there.
Thinking in braod strokes is insulting cause I know how intelligent you are. If you respected me as an equal, you would understand where I am coming from. I did not call her a bad friend. I was upset by what she did. And then upset when it seemed like you didn't get WHY i was upset.
Every time you come to me I try to do that work for you of what you're probably feeling. You love me but you don't see me as an equal. You want us to be good but don't want to do any self examination. You have broken my heart and I am tired. If you don't want to understand me then just leave me alone.