Who Needs Looks When You're Lonely?
These past few months have involved quite a bit of soul searching. I have discovered many things about myself that I do not like, and many others that I am thankful to have discovered. This is one of those things I wish wasn’t true.
From my experience, there are two defining characteristics of females that cause me to be attracted to them: 1) they are physically attractive in my mind; and 2) they pay attention to me.
Yes. That’s right. I’m attracted to certain women because they pay attention to me.
To put it another way, these are the women that I wouldn’t even dream of ever having any type of intimate relationship/experience with based on their looks. I may even find them physically repulsive, but I end up hooking up with them (and becoming intimate) because of nothing more than they pay attention to me.
This disgusts me. As a rationally thinking person, I cannot believe that I allow myself to do this. The problem is that this behavior tends to cloud more than just my intimacy. I tend to chase after women who I find unattractive but that pay attention to me, and tend to ignore the women that I find attractive but don’t fawn over my every word. This applies to intimate relationships, dating, friends, and even acquaintances that I may only have a phone conversation with.
There’s no reason for this. I don’t know why I purposely reject the women I am physically attracted to. I’ve caught myself thinking “oh, she’s attractive, there’s no way she’ll want to even talk to me.” I’m trying to get better about this.
I know that I need to change because I could never be happy in a relationship with someone that I do not find physically attractive. I could not marry someone that disgusts me. But as it is now, those are the only ones I chase after.
From my experience, there are two defining characteristics of females that cause me to be attracted to them: 1) they are physically attractive in my mind; and 2) they pay attention to me.
Yes. That’s right. I’m attracted to certain women because they pay attention to me.
To put it another way, these are the women that I wouldn’t even dream of ever having any type of intimate relationship/experience with based on their looks. I may even find them physically repulsive, but I end up hooking up with them (and becoming intimate) because of nothing more than they pay attention to me.
This disgusts me. As a rationally thinking person, I cannot believe that I allow myself to do this. The problem is that this behavior tends to cloud more than just my intimacy. I tend to chase after women who I find unattractive but that pay attention to me, and tend to ignore the women that I find attractive but don’t fawn over my every word. This applies to intimate relationships, dating, friends, and even acquaintances that I may only have a phone conversation with.
There’s no reason for this. I don’t know why I purposely reject the women I am physically attracted to. I’ve caught myself thinking “oh, she’s attractive, there’s no way she’ll want to even talk to me.” I’m trying to get better about this.
I know that I need to change because I could never be happy in a relationship with someone that I do not find physically attractive. I could not marry someone that disgusts me. But as it is now, those are the only ones I chase after.