'These hazards of love never more will trouble us.'
1) In Western Civ. today we went to see a modern dance presentation instead of having class, which was awesome. The dancers were really good, they were our own and not like a traveling group, which made it so much cooler. This led me to realize my deuxieme mistake - not auditioning for dance. Crap. Now I'll be in Beginning Dance next year, which will reduce me to tears, it will probably be that easy. Stupid, stupid, stupid me.
2) Why do birds randomly decide at, like, 11 at night, to sing? And why do they all do it right outside my window? Agh. I'm plumb vex'd. They lied to you, you know? In kindergarten, remember? When they told you birds slept at night and you couldn't see the moon during the day. Birds do not always sleep at night, and I can always see the moon during the day. It's just not shining. It's still there, though.
3) I had an opportunity today to fulfill one of my desired hugs on my list of people I desire to receive a hug from, and I didn't take it. Now I'm thinking it was the smart thing to do.
4) My mom took me to the library again tonight, and the route we took this time passed by my old elementary school. And I saw as we rushed on by that there were lights on in almost all the windows. I wondered briefly if there was something going on that night, but I didn't see anyone inside. It was all lit up, so bright, and all empty, with all those little kiddie art projects hung on the walls and from the ceilings. Oh, man. It was so beautiful and so sad and so beautiful. I'm not sure you know what I mean. But oh, man. Thinking back on it now, I want to cry.
5) Consequently, I feel so guilty that I never went back there once to visit. It's been four years. I'll work up the nerve someday, I'm sure. What I really want to do, though, is drive by on a night when all the lights are on again but no one's there, and park and peek in through the windows and wander around on the playgrounds and fields, with that warm buttery light spilling out onto the entire world. It would break my heart to a thousand pieces. It absolutely would.
6) At the plaza where the library is, there's this closed-down supermarket that's been closed down for years and years now. Except tonight, there was a light on inside. One single fluorescent light at one end of the store. We drove up and looked inside. Nothing had changed. Disarray, desertion, desolation. Still aisles of metal shelves, signs hanging from the ceiling saying what foods were where, everything scooted around, scraped up, half-painted, and a pathetic mess. Outside near the bushes, a hobo and his bike. I've never seen the interior of a shut-down supermarket lit by a single light in the darkness of the night before. Is this the beginning of a haunting?
7) I think I can conclude, then, that I'm carving out a space in my heart specially for places with no people lit up in the darkness and remoteness of the night.
8) The Hazards of Love = bloody brilliant musical raconteuring.