The world has changed from how I knew it... And I have changed from what I once knew myself to be...
So yea.
I am starting to notice. All my friends have more or less scattered to the Four Winds. And I guess in a way I have too.
Most of my friends left for college an hour or so away in all directions.
I stayed here. I decided that home was best. And safe. And where I would probably make my better changes.
Now I wanna move out of the state.
What a mind fuck.
Yea. It's kind've crazy.
I have felt for a long time, that this just isn't the place I need to be. Or, maybe I'm depressed. Or quite possibly, I just haven't tripped over what I'm supposed to find here.
Things have been kind've fucked up.
I got mono.
Wayne State never sent Oakland University my transcripts.
I got a toe infection which, treated with antibiotics, caused me some abdominal problems that have yet to be determined.
My regular bar scene is kind've shitty for whatever reason.
And in Michigan, it snows in April.
And I think that's it, but there is probably more.
Yea. Basically.
I love everyone here. But I don't think there is enough here to keep me from going if everything works out the way I want it too.
If I get the job I want, if I get a decent apartment with at least one awesome roommate, and if I just find life to be just fantasticly better there than here.
I love here, don't get me wrong.
But I think that I have grown quite a bit, and have learned more than I need to here.
Not to say that I have learned everything I need to, but enough that I could go and learn more in a new place.
I think I deserve it. Even just a little.
Though... I have been given one of the best lives, at least in terms of how I've been allowed to live it.
My Dad has been awesome. Letting me come and go as I please. I don't have to pay rent, buy food, do chores, or really take care of anything other than my shit.
And I think it was what I needed to discover that I can do some of this shit on my own.
I just wish I had another car. I mean, my car is awesome. It gets me (and my friends) from Point A to Point B. That's all it needs to do, and I'm thankful for that. Really I am.
It's been kind've a saving grace to have that car.
And my friends. What would I do without you guys?
I don't know. I feel like I'm going to miss you when I leave. And in leaving I figure, that I was going to leave anyway, I'm just getting a head start.
Ya know?
Anyways... I love you guys. Like, you have no idea. NO FUCKING IDEA!
A lot of you, have been like my family forever. Actually, you have been my family. More family than my own, for a long time.
And I greatly appreciate that.
I've kind've always felt that I've been a loner in my family, kind've dealing with my own problems, and using everyone I knew as my sheild from the rest of the world.
I know this souds all sappy and cheesy, but it's true.
It kind've hits you before the storm hits. Knowing that I'm going to leave everything that I have created here, connections, friends, family, memories... It hurts.
It really hurts. To think that I may never be here again, or the things that I might not do before I'm ever, if ever, here again.
It kind've sucks.
It really does.
I love all of you guys, bee tee dubs.
I'm out...
I am starting to notice. All my friends have more or less scattered to the Four Winds. And I guess in a way I have too.
Most of my friends left for college an hour or so away in all directions.
I stayed here. I decided that home was best. And safe. And where I would probably make my better changes.
Now I wanna move out of the state.
What a mind fuck.
Yea. It's kind've crazy.
I have felt for a long time, that this just isn't the place I need to be. Or, maybe I'm depressed. Or quite possibly, I just haven't tripped over what I'm supposed to find here.
Things have been kind've fucked up.
I got mono.
Wayne State never sent Oakland University my transcripts.
I got a toe infection which, treated with antibiotics, caused me some abdominal problems that have yet to be determined.
My regular bar scene is kind've shitty for whatever reason.
And in Michigan, it snows in April.
And I think that's it, but there is probably more.
Yea. Basically.
I love everyone here. But I don't think there is enough here to keep me from going if everything works out the way I want it too.
If I get the job I want, if I get a decent apartment with at least one awesome roommate, and if I just find life to be just fantasticly better there than here.
I love here, don't get me wrong.
But I think that I have grown quite a bit, and have learned more than I need to here.
Not to say that I have learned everything I need to, but enough that I could go and learn more in a new place.
I think I deserve it. Even just a little.
Though... I have been given one of the best lives, at least in terms of how I've been allowed to live it.
My Dad has been awesome. Letting me come and go as I please. I don't have to pay rent, buy food, do chores, or really take care of anything other than my shit.
And I think it was what I needed to discover that I can do some of this shit on my own.
I just wish I had another car. I mean, my car is awesome. It gets me (and my friends) from Point A to Point B. That's all it needs to do, and I'm thankful for that. Really I am.
It's been kind've a saving grace to have that car.
And my friends. What would I do without you guys?
I don't know. I feel like I'm going to miss you when I leave. And in leaving I figure, that I was going to leave anyway, I'm just getting a head start.
Ya know?
Anyways... I love you guys. Like, you have no idea. NO FUCKING IDEA!
A lot of you, have been like my family forever. Actually, you have been my family. More family than my own, for a long time.
And I greatly appreciate that.
I've kind've always felt that I've been a loner in my family, kind've dealing with my own problems, and using everyone I knew as my sheild from the rest of the world.
I know this souds all sappy and cheesy, but it's true.
It kind've hits you before the storm hits. Knowing that I'm going to leave everything that I have created here, connections, friends, family, memories... It hurts.
It really hurts. To think that I may never be here again, or the things that I might not do before I'm ever, if ever, here again.
It kind've sucks.
It really does.
I love all of you guys, bee tee dubs.
I'm out...