It feels as if my life is already over..this time its true.
I've ruined everything.
All because of my obsession with not being sober. Eventhough when I'm not sober everything seems to be shitty. More shitty than when I can actually walk. I fucking hate this. I hate everywhere I live because I've finally lost all will to live. I only have naive dreams and nonsense dillusionous ideas. I have problems. Thats why I'm going to rehab and until I have a bed reserved I won't leave my house. I fucking hate what I do. I drive people crazy, betray the ones I love and neglect those who have raised me. All just because I want to be stoned all the time or drunk. I don't even know why I do it anymore. A sense of feeling different is always an attraction to me, but it doesn't feel different anymore. Its all crap. I don't go to school, going to take a leave of absense from work, Callie and Stephen aren't on talking terms with me ever again and my boyfriend should fucking dump me and spit in my face so I can hitchike to Calgary and live with my Aunt or on the streets doing what i do best and look to get stoned. Thats my fucking destiny.
Scott, I don't deserve you. I did what every other one has done to you. I'm sorry that I'll never be able to change that and I don't expect to ever make you smile again. I'm contemplating whether I should even come back or just get rid of me. I have just realized that I have nothing to live for. I fucked up to bad to fix and I'm just mistake prone. I'm sorry that your 6 month is with a fucking shit-head junkie ass-face. I've ripped too many apart to ever feel good about my self again. I don't know what I'll do and I don't know when. But I want you to move on and live happily because from reading your latest entry I can see your too hurt to fix. I can see that I am apparantley not the love of your life because we're not going to be together for life because I can't even look at myself anymore nevermind you. When I look at you now I feel like shooting my face off. I won't put you through this because no matter what happened I have loved you since the moment I actually got to talk to you. And I never have/will love anyone like I love you. Thats why you need to find the one your really looking for despite if they are like me or not.
Goodbye everyone and thanks for all the fish, \/
-S. (Shitfaced motherfucker)
All because of my obsession with not being sober. Eventhough when I'm not sober everything seems to be shitty. More shitty than when I can actually walk. I fucking hate this. I hate everywhere I live because I've finally lost all will to live. I only have naive dreams and nonsense dillusionous ideas. I have problems. Thats why I'm going to rehab and until I have a bed reserved I won't leave my house. I fucking hate what I do. I drive people crazy, betray the ones I love and neglect those who have raised me. All just because I want to be stoned all the time or drunk. I don't even know why I do it anymore. A sense of feeling different is always an attraction to me, but it doesn't feel different anymore. Its all crap. I don't go to school, going to take a leave of absense from work, Callie and Stephen aren't on talking terms with me ever again and my boyfriend should fucking dump me and spit in my face so I can hitchike to Calgary and live with my Aunt or on the streets doing what i do best and look to get stoned. Thats my fucking destiny.
Scott, I don't deserve you. I did what every other one has done to you. I'm sorry that I'll never be able to change that and I don't expect to ever make you smile again. I'm contemplating whether I should even come back or just get rid of me. I have just realized that I have nothing to live for. I fucked up to bad to fix and I'm just mistake prone. I'm sorry that your 6 month is with a fucking shit-head junkie ass-face. I've ripped too many apart to ever feel good about my self again. I don't know what I'll do and I don't know when. But I want you to move on and live happily because from reading your latest entry I can see your too hurt to fix. I can see that I am apparantley not the love of your life because we're not going to be together for life because I can't even look at myself anymore nevermind you. When I look at you now I feel like shooting my face off. I won't put you through this because no matter what happened I have loved you since the moment I actually got to talk to you. And I never have/will love anyone like I love you. Thats why you need to find the one your really looking for despite if they are like me or not.
Goodbye everyone and thanks for all the fish, \/
-S. (Shitfaced motherfucker)