This is getting over you
Tonight I dragged myself out of bed and went out for a change. I did my usual; I flirted with a few boys, played a little pool, and drank a few beers. I wonder if one day my head will be clear enough to make it worth the trouble. I bought a book today that's supposed to help me get over it. Its an alright book except that it says that its okay to sleep with someone you don't love and smoke pot to get over the emotional trauma. I dont agree with that, but for the most part, the book is helpful. The problem is that no matter how bad this situation makes me feel, I don't choose to get over it until he can tell me that he doesn't love me anymore, or at least that he doesn't want to be with me. Not being sure just leaves me in "limbo" I hate that more than the idea of being alone. I don't need him to be happy, but in order to be happy I need one of two things; Him, or to be over him. I think it might be impossible to be friends with someone you want to share your life with. I guess its worth a shot. For now I'm just trying to deal with the fact that I can't visit the frozen tundra for fear of being disappointed. Fear and Regret are tricky emotions. I'm quite sure that I'd prefer to do the thing I'm afraid of and it be a mistake than regret not doing something because of fear. Right now I'm afraid of my empty bed and I'm going to do my best to sleep in it anyway. Goodnight