ex is code for mistake.
um.
clark and i are kaput. while we should have been kaput at least two weeks ago, probably more, we're DEFINITELY kaput now. he MET someone else. hiss. at first i was really angry and upset and all that jazz. but honestly? i needed a fucking excuse to stop the bullshit that i was doing. the sex wasn't even GOOD. sigh. i don't get why i do this. just to feel wanted i guess? but it's fake, it's just...stupid. especially with the dumb thing clark and i had. honestly, at first it was really cute and awesome, and i thought about us getting back together. but sometime after that last entry, i realized he had no intention of dating me again, and we had a lot of painful discussions, we cut contact a couple of times- for me to cave again. because i was falling for him and he didn't want to be with me. he just- kept saying we should take a break. but i kept not being able to do it. whatever, he told me he met someone thursday morning. it's friday night. i deleted his number, all texts, and unfriended him. that's that. hopefully for good. no more dealing with his fat, or the weird sex- or the fact that i wasn't even into it anymore. no more.
of course now, there is no ex for me to canoodle with. alec- i hate him. this past summer sucked ass because it got to the point where i just had to avoid him all the time. i couldn't bear to be around him. jerk. zak's got that girlfriend- that he's IN LOVE WITH- (yes he told me that like two weeks ago and change, and ohhh it killed me. i guess it helps though). clark's met someone. rion has a girlfriend (though i wouldn't touch him again with a ten foot pole). so i'm going to be forced to meet someone new. which is all the better idea anyway ;)
god will give me the strength to let zak go, i know he will. it's hard, so hard, some days i just don't function right. but i will be okay one day. i haven't seen him since may 18th, going on 3 months. i haven't kissed him or anything in SEVEN months. it should come soon. there WILL be a day, when it doesn't hurt anymore. and when that day comes, i'll be ready for someone new. still struggling with the not texting him thing, but i'll get there. even if it takes me til 2013 I WILL GET THERE- because i have to. to find real love that really works, i have to.
fin.
clark and i are kaput. while we should have been kaput at least two weeks ago, probably more, we're DEFINITELY kaput now. he MET someone else. hiss. at first i was really angry and upset and all that jazz. but honestly? i needed a fucking excuse to stop the bullshit that i was doing. the sex wasn't even GOOD. sigh. i don't get why i do this. just to feel wanted i guess? but it's fake, it's just...stupid. especially with the dumb thing clark and i had. honestly, at first it was really cute and awesome, and i thought about us getting back together. but sometime after that last entry, i realized he had no intention of dating me again, and we had a lot of painful discussions, we cut contact a couple of times- for me to cave again. because i was falling for him and he didn't want to be with me. he just- kept saying we should take a break. but i kept not being able to do it. whatever, he told me he met someone thursday morning. it's friday night. i deleted his number, all texts, and unfriended him. that's that. hopefully for good. no more dealing with his fat, or the weird sex- or the fact that i wasn't even into it anymore. no more.
of course now, there is no ex for me to canoodle with. alec- i hate him. this past summer sucked ass because it got to the point where i just had to avoid him all the time. i couldn't bear to be around him. jerk. zak's got that girlfriend- that he's IN LOVE WITH- (yes he told me that like two weeks ago and change, and ohhh it killed me. i guess it helps though). clark's met someone. rion has a girlfriend (though i wouldn't touch him again with a ten foot pole). so i'm going to be forced to meet someone new. which is all the better idea anyway ;)
god will give me the strength to let zak go, i know he will. it's hard, so hard, some days i just don't function right. but i will be okay one day. i haven't seen him since may 18th, going on 3 months. i haven't kissed him or anything in SEVEN months. it should come soon. there WILL be a day, when it doesn't hurt anymore. and when that day comes, i'll be ready for someone new. still struggling with the not texting him thing, but i'll get there. even if it takes me til 2013 I WILL GET THERE- because i have to. to find real love that really works, i have to.
fin.