involved and impassioned spiel about male rape
After reading the Penny and Aggie forum for a period of at least two weeks, I have seen many opinions on sexual abuse of males that have made me froth at the mouth enough to attempt to regurgitate the entire spew of vitriol down in one semi-coherent rant that encompasses all of my feelings on the matter. The simple fact is this: rape = engaging in carnal knowledge of a person without their consent. Engaging in sexual activities without consent. Rape does not need to involve penetration. This seems to be a new concept, and I may be one of a select few who believes this, but oral sex or forced masturbation is ALSO rape.
The female character in this comic, aware that her boyfriend did not want to have sex because he'd been in an experience that made him feel troubled about the sex act, constantly pressured him to have sex with her. He constantly turned down her advances, claiming that he loved her, but he did not think they were emotionally ready for sex. (Both of these characters are in their teens.) The girlfriend eventually walked in on him, naked, when he was alone in the men's showers in their place of work. He angrily reacted and told her he felt like she was disrespecting his feelings, and then walked out and put on a towel. He stayed because she burst into tears, and told her once again that he LOVED her, and wasn't that all that mattered? The girl said sometimes, but she wanted to make him feel good. Then, she grabbed him under the towel and gave him a hand job. This made him clearly uncomfortable, he couldn't look her in the eye afterward, and he said he needed to leave. The girl, after he departed, gloated over the power she had felt.
Throughout this scene, some of the viewers tended to heap the blame on the boyfriend, claiming that he was too cold, that he was frigid, that he was gay or traumatized. As if there is anything wrong with not wanting to have sex before you're ready if you're male. Also, they claimed that he was not giving her the affection she needed to feel appreciated, even though it was shown many times in the comic that this character was extremely insecure and had an inferiority complex that made her feel like flaunting her new image to prove she could do whatever she wanted and control whatever she felt like.
If this was not rape, it was a very close situation. It was about domination and power, not about affection and love. The boy felt disoriented and ashamed, the girl felt empowered and smug. The argument could be made that it wasn't rape because he didn't object during the sex act. However, a lot of the arguments consisted of the following: it is not rape because force was not used. It is not rape because he was able to leave at any time. It was not rape because he wanted it. Starting with the first, there's this common misconception that rape involves forceful domination. Rape, especially date rape, can be forced on someone with an emotional choke-hold, the manipulative 'If you really loved me, you would do this with me. Why are you saying no, I love you. This will make you feel better. It's for your own good. I would never hurt you, because I love you.' The rapist does not need to chain their victim to the bed or pin them to the floor, when they can just overcome and chain them with their own conflicting emotions. This is almost worse than physical rape, because the 'fault' line is so blurred for the victim. The rapist can blame them for the act, claiming that they could have left or pushed them away at any time, that they wanted it because they didn't fight back or struggle. Victims of this kind of sexual abuse 'disorient' themselves from their surrounding, choosing a submissive, mindless state. This is no less forced sex than the stereotypical image of a masked man grabbing a helpless woman in an alley, and it can be done by both men and women.
Physical arousal does not automatically equal consent, especially when a person has specifically and clearly rejected the offer of sex! Body language is not our main form of communication, because instincts and physical desire always come second to what we intellectually want and verbally indicate! If a person looks longingly toward a chocolate bar, but says: "I don't want it, I'm on a diet", is it considered okay to shove that chocolate in the person's mouth and say they wanted it?
So what is with the assumption that an erection means that a man wants and needs sex and anything he says is a token denial? It would be blasphemous to say this about a woman: because she is wearing a short skirt and red lipstick, she wants to have sex indiscriminately and any resistance is a little game! This is seen as extremely misogynistic and insulting. But it's all right to say this about a man, because they are apparently entirely ruled by their libidos. If they are taken advantage of, they are not allowed to feel violated or ashamed. In fact, they should be pleased that they received sex without asking for it. Especially if the woman was beautiful. I'll agree that a man may feel differently about being sexually used than a woman, but individual women react differently as well. Men who do feel the stigma and shame of a rape victim are not encouraged, as women are, to seek counseling and deal with their issues. Society expects men to be stoic and calm, to be 'manly'. Men who confess to their status as a victim of being raped by a woman are disbelieved or mocked. This double standard is hypocritical and sexist, not only to men, but to women. Why is it unbelievable that a woman can take advantage of or overpower a man? Why is laughable to imagine a female raping a male? The old belief that women are the weaker sex, unable to defend or attack stronger, more powerful men, needs to be done away with.
The female character in this comic, aware that her boyfriend did not want to have sex because he'd been in an experience that made him feel troubled about the sex act, constantly pressured him to have sex with her. He constantly turned down her advances, claiming that he loved her, but he did not think they were emotionally ready for sex. (Both of these characters are in their teens.) The girlfriend eventually walked in on him, naked, when he was alone in the men's showers in their place of work. He angrily reacted and told her he felt like she was disrespecting his feelings, and then walked out and put on a towel. He stayed because she burst into tears, and told her once again that he LOVED her, and wasn't that all that mattered? The girl said sometimes, but she wanted to make him feel good. Then, she grabbed him under the towel and gave him a hand job. This made him clearly uncomfortable, he couldn't look her in the eye afterward, and he said he needed to leave. The girl, after he departed, gloated over the power she had felt.
Throughout this scene, some of the viewers tended to heap the blame on the boyfriend, claiming that he was too cold, that he was frigid, that he was gay or traumatized. As if there is anything wrong with not wanting to have sex before you're ready if you're male. Also, they claimed that he was not giving her the affection she needed to feel appreciated, even though it was shown many times in the comic that this character was extremely insecure and had an inferiority complex that made her feel like flaunting her new image to prove she could do whatever she wanted and control whatever she felt like.
If this was not rape, it was a very close situation. It was about domination and power, not about affection and love. The boy felt disoriented and ashamed, the girl felt empowered and smug. The argument could be made that it wasn't rape because he didn't object during the sex act. However, a lot of the arguments consisted of the following: it is not rape because force was not used. It is not rape because he was able to leave at any time. It was not rape because he wanted it. Starting with the first, there's this common misconception that rape involves forceful domination. Rape, especially date rape, can be forced on someone with an emotional choke-hold, the manipulative 'If you really loved me, you would do this with me. Why are you saying no, I love you. This will make you feel better. It's for your own good. I would never hurt you, because I love you.' The rapist does not need to chain their victim to the bed or pin them to the floor, when they can just overcome and chain them with their own conflicting emotions. This is almost worse than physical rape, because the 'fault' line is so blurred for the victim. The rapist can blame them for the act, claiming that they could have left or pushed them away at any time, that they wanted it because they didn't fight back or struggle. Victims of this kind of sexual abuse 'disorient' themselves from their surrounding, choosing a submissive, mindless state. This is no less forced sex than the stereotypical image of a masked man grabbing a helpless woman in an alley, and it can be done by both men and women.
Physical arousal does not automatically equal consent, especially when a person has specifically and clearly rejected the offer of sex! Body language is not our main form of communication, because instincts and physical desire always come second to what we intellectually want and verbally indicate! If a person looks longingly toward a chocolate bar, but says: "I don't want it, I'm on a diet", is it considered okay to shove that chocolate in the person's mouth and say they wanted it?
So what is with the assumption that an erection means that a man wants and needs sex and anything he says is a token denial? It would be blasphemous to say this about a woman: because she is wearing a short skirt and red lipstick, she wants to have sex indiscriminately and any resistance is a little game! This is seen as extremely misogynistic and insulting. But it's all right to say this about a man, because they are apparently entirely ruled by their libidos. If they are taken advantage of, they are not allowed to feel violated or ashamed. In fact, they should be pleased that they received sex without asking for it. Especially if the woman was beautiful. I'll agree that a man may feel differently about being sexually used than a woman, but individual women react differently as well. Men who do feel the stigma and shame of a rape victim are not encouraged, as women are, to seek counseling and deal with their issues. Society expects men to be stoic and calm, to be 'manly'. Men who confess to their status as a victim of being raped by a woman are disbelieved or mocked. This double standard is hypocritical and sexist, not only to men, but to women. Why is it unbelievable that a woman can take advantage of or overpower a man? Why is laughable to imagine a female raping a male? The old belief that women are the weaker sex, unable to defend or attack stronger, more powerful men, needs to be done away with.