how was i to know the pirates had come
I find that I can't stand cruelty in romance. I would have said violence, but that would be a lie. I like stories about couples who fight together and even with each other, and who use the violence as a sort of bloody foreplay- but it has to be two equal partners, both getting blows in, both enjoying it, and it has to be the right sort of moment. I hate reading about one partner beating or striking the other for some small infraction, and it being treated as endearing or hot.
This must go without saying for male characters, because most everyone agrees that men shouldn't beat women, or they will at least say it publically because to do otherwise would be blatantly offensive. But this goes the same for female characters- I don't like reading about Buffy breaking Spike's arm if he misbehaves, or Katara breaking a rib and bruising Zuko if he does something that annoys or offends her. What I hate the most about this is that the male character is never allowed to fight back. It's as if they cross a line if they hit the woman- 'thou shalt not strike a female'. Never mind if the woman can handle herself and the rule is based on sexist ideas of female strength and the woman in question just broke bones. I can't stand it even more if it's played as somehow 'normal', that this girl constantly beats the guy and it's just a routine part of their relationship. It's not shown as disturbing or abusive or wrong, it's supposed to be romantic. And it's not, it's really not. The gender doesn't make a difference to me, it's still one partner causing serious pain under the guise of a loving relationship and I just can not get into it at all.
I loathe even more, and this one is typically aimed at male characters, the tendency of taking one-sided aggressive violence into the bed. I can't read something that has a guy practically force himself on a lover, draw blood, bruise skin, insult his bed partner, and basically show a horrible, objectifying, loveless, humiliating encounter and somehow call it romance. How is that loving? Dark, disturbing, dub con, but romance? Have I missed something in the shifting times that now defines romance as the domination of one partner by another?
This must go without saying for male characters, because most everyone agrees that men shouldn't beat women, or they will at least say it publically because to do otherwise would be blatantly offensive. But this goes the same for female characters- I don't like reading about Buffy breaking Spike's arm if he misbehaves, or Katara breaking a rib and bruising Zuko if he does something that annoys or offends her. What I hate the most about this is that the male character is never allowed to fight back. It's as if they cross a line if they hit the woman- 'thou shalt not strike a female'. Never mind if the woman can handle herself and the rule is based on sexist ideas of female strength and the woman in question just broke bones. I can't stand it even more if it's played as somehow 'normal', that this girl constantly beats the guy and it's just a routine part of their relationship. It's not shown as disturbing or abusive or wrong, it's supposed to be romantic. And it's not, it's really not. The gender doesn't make a difference to me, it's still one partner causing serious pain under the guise of a loving relationship and I just can not get into it at all.
I loathe even more, and this one is typically aimed at male characters, the tendency of taking one-sided aggressive violence into the bed. I can't read something that has a guy practically force himself on a lover, draw blood, bruise skin, insult his bed partner, and basically show a horrible, objectifying, loveless, humiliating encounter and somehow call it romance. How is that loving? Dark, disturbing, dub con, but romance? Have I missed something in the shifting times that now defines romance as the domination of one partner by another?