we don't know our families, we don't need our brothers.
I keep on wondering when the family is finally going to fall apart. Or maybe it's happened already, but so slowly I haven't even noticed. Sometimes I'm here to hear the screaming arguments, or witness my dad's tyrannical douchebaggery, or listen to my sisters fight or rant about embittered complaints, and sometimes it's even me doing the fighting.
Sometimes my sisters and I sit down and have darker versions of nostalgia trips: all those times we feel that our parents failed us or somehow have fucked it up, mostly against my dad, but also with my mom and her tendency to shut down and be silent when problems arise. She wants tranquility so much that she'll ignore the problem and then play along when my dad acts like nothing happens. It feels like I'm on a set for a TV show, because just doing 'normal' family things all feels like an act now. We explode, and seconds afterwards everyone pretends it's business as usual without even waiting for the dust to settle.
At this point, I'd love something final. I want something to break, I want to hear shattering noises. I want to know that this is the end, it's final, it's never going to be fixed. I feel like I'm a grieving person waiting for their relative to die after months of waiting on the edge. So, fine. Just let this die.
Sometimes my sisters and I sit down and have darker versions of nostalgia trips: all those times we feel that our parents failed us or somehow have fucked it up, mostly against my dad, but also with my mom and her tendency to shut down and be silent when problems arise. She wants tranquility so much that she'll ignore the problem and then play along when my dad acts like nothing happens. It feels like I'm on a set for a TV show, because just doing 'normal' family things all feels like an act now. We explode, and seconds afterwards everyone pretends it's business as usual without even waiting for the dust to settle.
At this point, I'd love something final. I want something to break, I want to hear shattering noises. I want to know that this is the end, it's final, it's never going to be fixed. I feel like I'm a grieving person waiting for their relative to die after months of waiting on the edge. So, fine. Just let this die.