this is not how i can remember you
i'm sitting here listening to name taken and further seems forever. i haven't listened to either of them in forever. it's wonderful, they're wonderful.
i was thinking last night and it scares me about how many people have/had some sort of eating disorder. no one has really ever talked about it before but now it seems like all of my friends are starting to talk about it and what they went through or still are going through and just wow. in high school did anyone except my parents know that i would shove absolutely anything and everything, from my finger to a toothbrush, down my throat to make myself throw up? no. i started doing that again at the beginning of the summer. it lasted for 2.5 weeks and then one night it hit me really hard and i just sat in my bathroom going 'what the fuck am i doing?' and i stopped. that's not to say that not still completely obsessed with watching calories and everything and feel like a complete failure when i eat that piece of chocolate, but for the most part, i'm doing it healthy now. i'm glad to know that i'm not the only one, though. it makes me feel like i have a much stronger backbone.
just...fuck society and fuck their standards of anorexic models being what every woman should look like. let's go back to the days when marilyn monroe was considered perfect in her size 12 dress. that's what most women in this nation, this world, compare to.
*ends vent*
anywho, christine and i are going to see HARRY POTTER in a little while. eeps, i'm excited. i love me some harry potter.
and holy bajeez, i had ANOTHER hanson dream last night, haha. well, sorta. i was at the mall with a bunch of people from eastburg and dave was working in spencer's...but it wasn't really spencer's...it was some singing/acting place and it was super run down. so we all went over to watch the show that was about to start and then after it it half of the place turned into a drugstore that looked like it was having a going out of business sale. zac and isaac were there and yet AGAIN isaac was telling me about how everything in his love life goes wrong. haha...what the hell? i gotta stop eating pretzels before i go to bed. two nights in a row i ate pretzels and two nights in a row i had absolutely bizarre dreams.
i was thinking last night and it scares me about how many people have/had some sort of eating disorder. no one has really ever talked about it before but now it seems like all of my friends are starting to talk about it and what they went through or still are going through and just wow. in high school did anyone except my parents know that i would shove absolutely anything and everything, from my finger to a toothbrush, down my throat to make myself throw up? no. i started doing that again at the beginning of the summer. it lasted for 2.5 weeks and then one night it hit me really hard and i just sat in my bathroom going 'what the fuck am i doing?' and i stopped. that's not to say that not still completely obsessed with watching calories and everything and feel like a complete failure when i eat that piece of chocolate, but for the most part, i'm doing it healthy now. i'm glad to know that i'm not the only one, though. it makes me feel like i have a much stronger backbone.
just...fuck society and fuck their standards of anorexic models being what every woman should look like. let's go back to the days when marilyn monroe was considered perfect in her size 12 dress. that's what most women in this nation, this world, compare to.
*ends vent*
anywho, christine and i are going to see HARRY POTTER in a little while. eeps, i'm excited. i love me some harry potter.
and holy bajeez, i had ANOTHER hanson dream last night, haha. well, sorta. i was at the mall with a bunch of people from eastburg and dave was working in spencer's...but it wasn't really spencer's...it was some singing/acting place and it was super run down. so we all went over to watch the show that was about to start and then after it it half of the place turned into a drugstore that looked like it was having a going out of business sale. zac and isaac were there and yet AGAIN isaac was telling me about how everything in his love life goes wrong. haha...what the hell? i gotta stop eating pretzels before i go to bed. two nights in a row i ate pretzels and two nights in a row i had absolutely bizarre dreams.