Yes. That's kind of complicated, as I say, I feel like evrything is against me. x_x
Yes. He didn't get me material things, prolly 'cuz I didn't allow him to, but he was spending the money on flowers everytime we met, on buying me drinks, shots, food, everything. When I was with my friends, he treated both me and them. (that's why my friends loved him ahhahahaha xD)
Yes, I speak Spanish but not as well as I speak English and Polish and I went to Spain to practice the language before the examination I have to take in May. And he didn't speak any English (he knew only "one moment" xD) so I just had to communicate with him in Spanish. Talking in real is much easier 'cuz I might use gestures and try many times, reading and wiritng is also easy so I could talk to him and text him. But phone calls were always stressful for me. Especially when we were fighting. And believe me we did a lot. And he's a huge mystery for me. Becuase on the one hand he's so sweet and stuff. And I knew he respects me and my opinion. I also trust him albeit I know him very little. But then.. We were often fighting. He has some weird job and connections and I have my reasons to think he was also some kind of a liar. But I also think his lies were meant to defend me. I suppose he might have been a drug dealer. And putting this together with the strong emotions I felt for him, all the fights and sweet things, my mind is telling me that if that would go on, it could be toxic. But then my heart just cries to go back there.
Well yes, but he's been spending way more than a normal person. I mean I am at the private school and most of my schoolmates are quite rich (I mean fuck, one of my classmates is a son of top5 richest man in Poland!) but still, no one never spends that much.
It wasn't that bad. We had a good laugh at times.(like when I wanted to order him to kiss me but I didn't know how should i transform the verb, and I've been trying like 5 times and he was rolling on the ground. Literally xD) It was only hard for me on the phone, except for that we were able to communicate and talk. As long as we wanted to stay together, we didn't have a problem communicating. Even on the phone we learned our way so it didn't stress me that much and we were understanding each other. (Unless once he disappeared and then when we called - after many times of missing calls and shit - we couldn't hear anything because we were both in different clubs and then my credit was gone and then my service was gone LOL)
But heart is sometimes stupid, and naive, isn't it?..
Dunno. His friends were watching that too and then one of them said he felt like helping me after my first try but he thought it would sound weird.. So he just let me drown in it! xD
I don't know if I love him. I don't think it is love. I mean, I don't know him. But now I'm so lost I'm not even sure I know what love is. All I've ever learned of love seems so.. not real now.
And my heart has always been dumb. Like, really dumb xD
Yes. He didn't get me material things, prolly 'cuz I didn't allow him to, but he was spending the money on flowers everytime we met, on buying me drinks, shots, food, everything. When I was with my friends, he treated both me and them. (that's why my friends loved him ahhahahaha xD)
Yes, I speak Spanish but not as well as I speak English and Polish and I went to Spain to practice the language before the examination I have to take in May. And he didn't speak any English (he knew only "one moment" xD) so I just had to communicate with him in Spanish. Talking in real is much easier 'cuz I might use gestures and try many times, reading and wiritng is also easy so I could talk to him and text him. But phone calls were always stressful for me. Especially when we were fighting. And believe me we did a lot.
And he's a huge mystery for me. Becuase on the one hand he's so sweet and stuff. And I knew he respects me and my opinion. I also trust him albeit I know him very little. But then.. We were often fighting. He has some weird job and connections and I have my reasons to think he was also some kind of a liar. But I also think his lies were meant to defend me. I suppose he might have been a drug dealer. And putting this together with the strong emotions I felt for him, all the fights and sweet things, my mind is telling me that if that would go on, it could be toxic. But then my heart just cries to go back there.
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It wasn't that bad. We had a good laugh at times.(like when I wanted to order him to kiss me but I didn't know how should i transform the verb, and I've been trying like 5 times and he was rolling on the ground. Literally xD)
It was only hard for me on the phone, except for that we were able to communicate and talk. As long as we wanted to stay together, we didn't have a problem communicating. Even on the phone we learned our way so it didn't stress me that much and we were understanding each other. (Unless once he disappeared and then when we called - after many times of missing calls and shit - we couldn't hear anything because we were both in different clubs and then my credit was gone and then my service was gone LOL)
But heart is sometimes stupid, and naive, isn't it?..
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
I don't know if I love him. I don't think it is love. I mean, I don't know him. But now I'm so lost I'm not even sure I know what love is. All I've ever learned of love seems so.. not real now.
And my heart has always been dumb. Like, really dumb xD
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