Life
I should be happy. I should be elated. But I'm not. I miss him. I miss my fucking husband. I know I'll see him soon. I know. It doesn't matter. I want to see him now.
Mom and I were talking today. I told her I couldn't understand how in the past I have made some of the dumbest mistakes I ever made. I also told her I had no regrets and that I needed to make those dumb ass mistakes to learn. I will never make them again. Then I said "but some people never learn".
I'm actually healthy. Imagine that. blood test were fine. I have a possible sleep disorder, but we'll do that next time we have insurance. I am fine now but I need to lose weight to be fine tomorrow. I work out for 45 minutes everyday and I go do shit and watch what I eat. I expect to be losing weight. I already have actually. My pasty ass also got a tan. I want to feel beautiful next time I see my John.
Hannah is gorgeous. Somethings never change. Hopefully in the next few months we'll get news of a new bundle of joy being on the way. If I don't die from the waiting game.
I FUCKING MISS HIM DAMMIT!! I NEVER POST IN HERE BUT I AM LOSING MY FREAKIN MIND!!!
JOHN IF YOU ARE READING I LOVE YOU.
Remember.
Remember when we were young and we would cuddle for hours naked, before we ever had sex. you said I had the softest skin and it was so cute and innocent. We both wanted it, but we were both to scared. Remember my 14th birthday party when we were messing around in the bedroom and my mom came home and we avoided getting in trouble because it was my birthday...hey it was just messing around. Do you remember when I was really sick and not going to school, but I always went to work and I just kept getting sicker. You knew how down I had been lately so on your day off you came to pick me up from work and you had a poem and a bouquet of flowers laying in the passenger seat just for me. Do you remember Prom. It was so lame, but we looked great in our fancy clothes. Our fancy clothes looked even better on the floor. Do you remember when you came to my brother's slumber party and we were broken up so you got to stay the night. Well, you left a sheet that you had slept with there (it was in your sleeping bag) and I slept with it even though I would deny I wanted you back, but we both knew I was just not going to steal you away from Julie (I wonder how Julie is, love that girl). Do you remember our wedding day. We did all the preparing for two weeks it was so stressful. We even prepared for that night in the hotel room and we bought restraints and everything and were too tired to do anything, that was so funny. I remember our one year wedding anniversary. We got to eat the top of our wedding cake. I had to wait until you got home while it frosted out all day. That was so tough. I completely avoided the kitchen all day. Do you remember our first tattoos? That was great you were so scared and now look at you ink addict. You remember the day we found out we were going to be parents. You were still asleep when I took the test. I had prayed and prayed and figured it was just going to be another negative. I ran into the bedroom just yelling your name and telling you to wake up. Naturally you were so irritated and I told you I was pregnant and you didn't believe me. You thought I was joking. Then I showed you and we were just laughing and jumping up and down and holding each other. It was one of the happiest days of my life, we made it. Do you remember the day Hannah was born? If you do, fill me on the details I missed, I was fucked up. I remember holding her little hand and I remember the tears of joy you shed and I remember the intense love I felt for everyone who shared that moment with me. Things have been so rough since then. I love you more than I ever thought possible John. I have made some mistakes and so have you, but we have come so far. I love you more that anyone I have been in love with before. I can say with %100 certainty that you have made me happier than any man (or woman) ever could. You know me. I know you understand what a task that is in itself. You understand me better than I do sometimes. You have always protected me, even against myself. You have been harsh and cruel, but I have too. I can't wait to feel your lips on my collar bone. I can't wait to kiss your neck. I can't wait to be in your embrace. I am scared. I don't know how these military wives do it. I hope that it's only 2 more weeks. I don't know if I can do another month. The other night on the phone was magnificent. I wanted you so much. I wanted to feel your breath on my skin. I wanted to feel my fingertips graze your back. I wanted you. I want you and I love you. Thank you for your love, support, forgiveness, protection, and for everything you do. It's time for me to dream of you.
Mom and I were talking today. I told her I couldn't understand how in the past I have made some of the dumbest mistakes I ever made. I also told her I had no regrets and that I needed to make those dumb ass mistakes to learn. I will never make them again. Then I said "but some people never learn".
I'm actually healthy. Imagine that. blood test were fine. I have a possible sleep disorder, but we'll do that next time we have insurance. I am fine now but I need to lose weight to be fine tomorrow. I work out for 45 minutes everyday and I go do shit and watch what I eat. I expect to be losing weight. I already have actually. My pasty ass also got a tan. I want to feel beautiful next time I see my John.
Hannah is gorgeous. Somethings never change. Hopefully in the next few months we'll get news of a new bundle of joy being on the way. If I don't die from the waiting game.
I FUCKING MISS HIM DAMMIT!! I NEVER POST IN HERE BUT I AM LOSING MY FREAKIN MIND!!!
JOHN IF YOU ARE READING I LOVE YOU.
Remember.
Remember when we were young and we would cuddle for hours naked, before we ever had sex. you said I had the softest skin and it was so cute and innocent. We both wanted it, but we were both to scared. Remember my 14th birthday party when we were messing around in the bedroom and my mom came home and we avoided getting in trouble because it was my birthday...hey it was just messing around. Do you remember when I was really sick and not going to school, but I always went to work and I just kept getting sicker. You knew how down I had been lately so on your day off you came to pick me up from work and you had a poem and a bouquet of flowers laying in the passenger seat just for me. Do you remember Prom. It was so lame, but we looked great in our fancy clothes. Our fancy clothes looked even better on the floor. Do you remember when you came to my brother's slumber party and we were broken up so you got to stay the night. Well, you left a sheet that you had slept with there (it was in your sleeping bag) and I slept with it even though I would deny I wanted you back, but we both knew I was just not going to steal you away from Julie (I wonder how Julie is, love that girl). Do you remember our wedding day. We did all the preparing for two weeks it was so stressful. We even prepared for that night in the hotel room and we bought restraints and everything and were too tired to do anything, that was so funny. I remember our one year wedding anniversary. We got to eat the top of our wedding cake. I had to wait until you got home while it frosted out all day. That was so tough. I completely avoided the kitchen all day. Do you remember our first tattoos? That was great you were so scared and now look at you ink addict. You remember the day we found out we were going to be parents. You were still asleep when I took the test. I had prayed and prayed and figured it was just going to be another negative. I ran into the bedroom just yelling your name and telling you to wake up. Naturally you were so irritated and I told you I was pregnant and you didn't believe me. You thought I was joking. Then I showed you and we were just laughing and jumping up and down and holding each other. It was one of the happiest days of my life, we made it. Do you remember the day Hannah was born? If you do, fill me on the details I missed, I was fucked up. I remember holding her little hand and I remember the tears of joy you shed and I remember the intense love I felt for everyone who shared that moment with me. Things have been so rough since then. I love you more than I ever thought possible John. I have made some mistakes and so have you, but we have come so far. I love you more that anyone I have been in love with before. I can say with %100 certainty that you have made me happier than any man (or woman) ever could. You know me. I know you understand what a task that is in itself. You understand me better than I do sometimes. You have always protected me, even against myself. You have been harsh and cruel, but I have too. I can't wait to feel your lips on my collar bone. I can't wait to kiss your neck. I can't wait to be in your embrace. I am scared. I don't know how these military wives do it. I hope that it's only 2 more weeks. I don't know if I can do another month. The other night on the phone was magnificent. I wanted you so much. I wanted to feel your breath on my skin. I wanted to feel my fingertips graze your back. I wanted you. I want you and I love you. Thank you for your love, support, forgiveness, protection, and for everything you do. It's time for me to dream of you.