Focus
Work was supposed to be a distraction for me- so that I wouldn't think back to the events that transpired in 2013 (or rather, the last 5 months of 2013). Oh I wish I had a distraction that could keep my mind occupied; it threads into dangerous waters when I'm given the freedom to relax and meditate; something that I really don't need right now.
Cause no matter how much I try to deny it- the signs are all right there. Coincidentally, it first struck me when I was having a conversation with a friend that said, 'I shouldn't be looking for signs to know if he likes me'. A week ago, when I allowed my mind to be barraged by the well of memories stored in the "DO NOT TOUCH" section of my brain, I realized that for me, it was the opposite- I've been trying to reason with myself and everyone else that he has no interest in me whatsoever. Amidst the knowing smiles and shaking of heads, I'm grateful to the friends that I'd confided in for indulging me and allowing me to remain in that state of self-denial. They probably only did that because they knew that I would eventually realize what they did.
/edit/
I hate it when I get bitten in the butt after I resolve all that self denial. Too many thoughts for me to handle and not enough courage to face them.
Cause no matter how much I try to deny it- the signs are all right there. Coincidentally, it first struck me when I was having a conversation with a friend that said, 'I shouldn't be looking for signs to know if he likes me'. A week ago, when I allowed my mind to be barraged by the well of memories stored in the "DO NOT TOUCH" section of my brain, I realized that for me, it was the opposite- I've been trying to reason with myself and everyone else that he has no interest in me whatsoever. Amidst the knowing smiles and shaking of heads, I'm grateful to the friends that I'd confided in for indulging me and allowing me to remain in that state of self-denial. They probably only did that because they knew that I would eventually realize what they did.
/edit/
I hate it when I get bitten in the butt after I resolve all that self denial. Too many thoughts for me to handle and not enough courage to face them.