(no subject)
its hard to distinct whats real and whats not.......my feelings for u r gone but my mind keeps going back to what was.......i would like to think that it because i havent felt what i felt for u for anyone else and it hurts........it hurts to think that i may not feel that intensity again.......with others the knot in the stomach the exitement of the first kiss is always there in the begining but it never seems to last long.....soon after all the passion and exitement of it all passes and it just becomes a comfort zone.....hard to get away from..........but i have to ask am i the problem???.........the worst part of it is ...i never see it coming .......i never saw where it was that loved turned into friendship.......and it would be ok if they felt the same way but they dont they still feel "it"......it hurts even more because i know they sence my change.........and i cant be what they want me to be because then i would become someone false............and the kisses i once couldnt wait to get.........i now dont even want them near me..........i want to say its just that im in a rut but im not sure i can.......i want what u once gave me..... the feeling of perfection.........by myself im confident and i dont need others approval to be me, but with u im invinsible............ nothing can touch me or hurt me!!! the only thing that i also know though is that i dont want that feeling to be with u!!!! or for u!!u hurt me many times and strangely enough i didnt like who i became in order to satisfy what i thought u wanted of me......its hard to explain because it contradicts itself.............when i was with u i was shy...quiet ........not me........i was so afraid of sounding stupid that i held in everything i had to say........and o tell u the truth the more i think of us the more i come to some conclusions im not sure i want to prove ...........i like the memories i have of us and although there is probably more bad than good the good ones still overpower the bad!!!! sadly if i were to ever confirm my suspicious it would be the worst pain u have ever put me through!!! and for that i dont know if i could ever look at u the same way.......but i mean whats better to live in a fantasy that i can cherish and hold onto forever with a smile or a truth that would destroy and put in question anything i ever thought to be true???????????