(no subject)
i'm homesick for a place that isn't even my home... i keep getting this gross empty pit feeling in my stomach everytime i think about it. it gives me anxiety and i actually have to tell myself outloud that i'll be ok.
there's something about being home that just feels different than it did in australia. everyone keeps saying if you want to continue to be the same person that you were in australia you can if you try. i think so too, and i'm not giving up on that, but it just doesnt feel the same. something that just naturally made me so happy and relaxed and comfortable isn't here, and i don't know where to look to find it.
i miss justin too much, and i need a hug from grant, and i don't like knowing that i have best friends on the other side of the world who i need to see but can't. it's mostly missing people that's making me so sad. i think it's hard for people to understand what we actually had there, because it's such an unlikely situation. they were actually best friends, but i think it's something you would have needed to feel to understand. they changed everything. as soon as we met them the whole feel of everything changed. instead of being a traveling experience it became home, and it's hard to walk away from a home that still feels so comfortable. it would have been so much easier to leave if we had never met them.
i dont want to be unhappy right now. i want to be able to look back at the whole thing and be happy knowing that i had the best time i possibly could have. i want to use that happiness to be happy here and at school. but everytime i look back i just get so sad, i can't help it, i don't know why, and i don't like it.
i want it back.
there's something about being home that just feels different than it did in australia. everyone keeps saying if you want to continue to be the same person that you were in australia you can if you try. i think so too, and i'm not giving up on that, but it just doesnt feel the same. something that just naturally made me so happy and relaxed and comfortable isn't here, and i don't know where to look to find it.
i miss justin too much, and i need a hug from grant, and i don't like knowing that i have best friends on the other side of the world who i need to see but can't. it's mostly missing people that's making me so sad. i think it's hard for people to understand what we actually had there, because it's such an unlikely situation. they were actually best friends, but i think it's something you would have needed to feel to understand. they changed everything. as soon as we met them the whole feel of everything changed. instead of being a traveling experience it became home, and it's hard to walk away from a home that still feels so comfortable. it would have been so much easier to leave if we had never met them.
i dont want to be unhappy right now. i want to be able to look back at the whole thing and be happy knowing that i had the best time i possibly could have. i want to use that happiness to be happy here and at school. but everytime i look back i just get so sad, i can't help it, i don't know why, and i don't like it.
i want it back.