(no subject)

[its_me_jen]

soo it came last night. the uncontrollable cry that i knew would eventually come while we were out with everyone. it started when shannon told us he had to go to melbourne on the day of our going away party. full blown hysterical crying with shannon until i composed myself, and then started again an hour or two later in the bathroom with jena.
this is the worst feeling in the world. i just don't want to leave. i know i love being home and i miss everyone, but i have never been this genuinely happy in my entire life and i just don't want to leave it. part of it is that i'm scared i'll lose it when i get home, but another part is just not wanting to say goodbye to everything that brought out this happiness in the first place. i'm going to miss the boys more than i think i could possibly make anyone understand, especially justin. i seriously am in love with these people i met under the oddest circumstances and have only known for like 2 1/2 months and i don't want to leave them.
i feel like i just found my niche here, and i know it's possible for me to be happy at home too, but what if this is actually where i'm supposed to be? what if it's just better for me here...
i want more time.