Ethan
thanks for the replies on the last post.
Actually, I was thinking about it and I know one of the reasons I'm so down right now. this time last year one of my best friends died in a car crash. I miss him all the time, but as june 18th get closer and closer, in the back of my mind I get a little sadder.
the first time I ever met Ethan I was 16 and he was 15. We meet in the church nursery - we were both watching our little sisters, both named Grace. He was tying a plastic Barney to a fake train track while his sister watched in horror..... I knew we were gonna be best friends.
He was goofy - tall, gangly with glasses. I was talkative yet socially inept, and not that great with guys. for some reason, we hit it off perfectly.
We discovered we had a mutual love of reading. We both read everything. History, biographys, novels, scifi, cereal boxs, ketchup bottles - if it had words we read it. Being competitive, we soon decided we had to know who read FASTER. We decided the best way to settle the issue was with the biggest book we knew - the bible.
the next sunday, both of us showed up to youth group wanting to know how far the other had gotten.
"Ethan - how far are you?
"judges, but my mom conviscated my bible. She said I was reading it too much."
"Really?!? My mom took mine too!"
"yeah," Ethan said "but she didn't know I have another copy - i hide it under my bed."
"I have another too," I said "I hid mine between my mattress and box spring."
- the youth pastor starred at both of us in shock, then started cracking up. He had never heard of kids getting their bibles conviscated for reading them too much.
In the end, I won. ^^ I read it in 17 days, and he acknowledged me the faster reader.
Ethan loved to argue, and so did I. Matt (another kid, who is actually now married to my sister) used to tease us all the time. Why? Every sunday after church you could find us, debating - standing ten feet apart and smiling the entire time. Ethan also used to love to push my buttons. Once, he introduced me to one of his friends, and then proceded to get me all worked up over something. After I was good and frustrated, he turned to his freind, laughing - "see, i told you she was funny when she was mad" ^^;;
After we were friends for about a year, I heard from other friends that he liked me and wanted to date me. But, i was really shy with guys (still am) and didn't know how to go from friends to more. I ended up telling him I wanted to stay friends from the time being. I found out he told my sister he would wait. I don't know what might have hapened later on, but a few months later I moved away - I was almost 18
We kept in touch through email, but it wasn't quite the same. He went on to college, had a girlfriend...but when ever I saw him it was like no time had passed, and we were still best friends. Last summer, my whole fammily moved back. I was 22. Ethan was still in college, and one of our mentioned that she thought from things he said that he still liked me.
Being older, and valuing our frindship, I thought about that a lot. I wondered if I did like him as more than a friend, or if I could. i finally decided that I wanted to know, and when he got back from college I planned on asking if he wanted to get a cup of coffee and talk. Ask if he was still intersted in trying dating. I figured if nothing else, we could catch up on the years apart and renew our friendship. I debated calling him, but was too embarrassed
A few days later I ran into his mom at the library. I told her that I missed Ethan and had been thinking of calling him. I asked how he was. She told me that he was coming home that weekend. I laughed and said that I guess I'd just wait and talk to him then.
That weekend, his car hit a patch a water and hydroplaned. He never made it home.
Somedays I still have trouble believing it. It's like I expect to get a email from him, or a stpid myspace comment. Sometimes I get made about really stupid things - like a promise he made to share a bottle of tequila with me on his 21 birthday. I don't even like tequila, but I was so mad at him for dying before he could keep it.
In this life there are two things I will regret forever - not giving him a chance, and not making that phone call.
Ethan had so many plans for the future. Truth is, when he died I promised myself I'd do my best: because he believed in me, and because he no longer has the chance himself. So no matter how stressed or tired I get, when I remember this I can't quit.
this is something I wrote the week he died:
"Dear Ethan,
I'm sorry I never called
I thought I had tomorrow
I'm sorry I never wrote
I guess it just wasn't my way
I would've told you what our friendship meant to me,
but I let embarrassment stop me
I would've told you I cared
I guess I figured you knew
I'm sorry I let distance separate us
because now that distance is impassable
Most of all, I'm sorry I let so many yesterdays pass me by
Because you ran out of tomorrows"
Ethan - I miss you! But I promise I'll keep trying, kay? you made me believe that being smart was worth something, so I won't give up.
Actually, I was thinking about it and I know one of the reasons I'm so down right now. this time last year one of my best friends died in a car crash. I miss him all the time, but as june 18th get closer and closer, in the back of my mind I get a little sadder.
the first time I ever met Ethan I was 16 and he was 15. We meet in the church nursery - we were both watching our little sisters, both named Grace. He was tying a plastic Barney to a fake train track while his sister watched in horror..... I knew we were gonna be best friends.
He was goofy - tall, gangly with glasses. I was talkative yet socially inept, and not that great with guys. for some reason, we hit it off perfectly.
We discovered we had a mutual love of reading. We both read everything. History, biographys, novels, scifi, cereal boxs, ketchup bottles - if it had words we read it. Being competitive, we soon decided we had to know who read FASTER. We decided the best way to settle the issue was with the biggest book we knew - the bible.
the next sunday, both of us showed up to youth group wanting to know how far the other had gotten.
"Ethan - how far are you?
"judges, but my mom conviscated my bible. She said I was reading it too much."
"Really?!? My mom took mine too!"
"yeah," Ethan said "but she didn't know I have another copy - i hide it under my bed."
"I have another too," I said "I hid mine between my mattress and box spring."
- the youth pastor starred at both of us in shock, then started cracking up. He had never heard of kids getting their bibles conviscated for reading them too much.
In the end, I won. ^^ I read it in 17 days, and he acknowledged me the faster reader.
Ethan loved to argue, and so did I. Matt (another kid, who is actually now married to my sister) used to tease us all the time. Why? Every sunday after church you could find us, debating - standing ten feet apart and smiling the entire time. Ethan also used to love to push my buttons. Once, he introduced me to one of his friends, and then proceded to get me all worked up over something. After I was good and frustrated, he turned to his freind, laughing - "see, i told you she was funny when she was mad" ^^;;
After we were friends for about a year, I heard from other friends that he liked me and wanted to date me. But, i was really shy with guys (still am) and didn't know how to go from friends to more. I ended up telling him I wanted to stay friends from the time being. I found out he told my sister he would wait. I don't know what might have hapened later on, but a few months later I moved away - I was almost 18
We kept in touch through email, but it wasn't quite the same. He went on to college, had a girlfriend...but when ever I saw him it was like no time had passed, and we were still best friends. Last summer, my whole fammily moved back. I was 22. Ethan was still in college, and one of our mentioned that she thought from things he said that he still liked me.
Being older, and valuing our frindship, I thought about that a lot. I wondered if I did like him as more than a friend, or if I could. i finally decided that I wanted to know, and when he got back from college I planned on asking if he wanted to get a cup of coffee and talk. Ask if he was still intersted in trying dating. I figured if nothing else, we could catch up on the years apart and renew our friendship. I debated calling him, but was too embarrassed
A few days later I ran into his mom at the library. I told her that I missed Ethan and had been thinking of calling him. I asked how he was. She told me that he was coming home that weekend. I laughed and said that I guess I'd just wait and talk to him then.
That weekend, his car hit a patch a water and hydroplaned. He never made it home.
Somedays I still have trouble believing it. It's like I expect to get a email from him, or a stpid myspace comment. Sometimes I get made about really stupid things - like a promise he made to share a bottle of tequila with me on his 21 birthday. I don't even like tequila, but I was so mad at him for dying before he could keep it.
In this life there are two things I will regret forever - not giving him a chance, and not making that phone call.
Ethan had so many plans for the future. Truth is, when he died I promised myself I'd do my best: because he believed in me, and because he no longer has the chance himself. So no matter how stressed or tired I get, when I remember this I can't quit.
this is something I wrote the week he died:
"Dear Ethan,
I'm sorry I never called
I thought I had tomorrow
I'm sorry I never wrote
I guess it just wasn't my way
I would've told you what our friendship meant to me,
but I let embarrassment stop me
I would've told you I cared
I guess I figured you knew
I'm sorry I let distance separate us
because now that distance is impassable
Most of all, I'm sorry I let so many yesterdays pass me by
Because you ran out of tomorrows"
Ethan - I miss you! But I promise I'll keep trying, kay? you made me believe that being smart was worth something, so I won't give up.